


Of clueless dwarven kings and handsome hobbit burglars

by malazuzu22



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, BAMF Bilbo Baggins, Battle of Five Armies Angst, Because I refuse to acknowledge the original ending, Bilbo Baggins & Bofur Friendship, Bilbo has hidden powers, Bilbo is So Done, But it won't be easy, Clueless Thorin Oakenshield, Dark Arts, Dirty Talk, Dragon Sickness is Serious, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Female Bilbo, Fíli and Kíli adore Bilbo, I'd add more tags but it would spoil the surprise so better not, Jealous Thorin Oakenshield, M/M, So can Bilbo, The Arkenstone is Bad News, Thorin Has a Crush, Thorin Is an Idiot, Thorin can be frustrating, Yet another retelling of The Hobbit but not quite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 02:29:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 53,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9300113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malazuzu22/pseuds/malazuzu22
Summary: From that sparse information Gandalf supplemented him with about halflings, Thorin expected some soft creature that would cower under his gaze when he knocked on the door of Bag End. What he certainly didn’t anticipate at all was witnessing a mildly annoyed hobbit female berating his rowdy nephews who looked genuinely ashamed of their behaviour for once, when she yanked the door open. Thorin finds himself drawn to the short-tempered hobbit almost immediately, his denial about her being his One not lasting very long. But how does one go about impressing someone who seems to be completely unimpressed even by the prospect of facing a fire-breathing dragon? And what’s with that creepily accurate foresight of hers?Or what if the things were the other way around and it would be a dwarven king hopelessly in love being pushed away by a witty hobbit burglar who hides a rather unique trait?NOTE 21st April 2017:I had to take a short break from this whole Hobbit/LOTR universe, it was sorta bordering with obsession sooo... Yeah. Now I'm kinda re-obsessed with Naruto-verse. No need to fret though, the story definitely WILL be finished at some point, just be a bit patient with me, please. :) Thanks a whole lot! <3





	1. Chapter 1 - Leaving Hobbiton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I sat down with the laptop determined to write an update for Proud and Prouder and this is what you got. Because why wrapping up two other works in progress when you can start another instead. *sigh*

Bilbo Baggins was sitting on the bench outside of her smial, enjoying her pipe and sunbathing. It was a late morning and most of the hobbits were tending to their business, so it was very unlikely anyone should bother her. Not that many people approached her in the first place since they started calling her Mad Baggins some many years ago. It was a surprise then that a sound of footsteps on the road leading to Bag End came to her ears and eventually stopped before her as a person casted a shadow upon her. ‘Could you kindly please step away from the sun?’ Bilbo made an annoyed noise and creaked one eye opened.

Blinking owlishly a few times, she found out that the person before her was a tall old man, clad whole in grey, save the silver scarf, wearing ridiculous pointy hat and sporting long beard. As he looked down at her with a familiar faint smirk and merry glint in his pale blue eyes, he was leaning on a staff. ‘Good gracious, Gandalf, is that you?’ Bilbo propped herself on the bench and surveyed her visitor as if she didn’t fully believe her eyes, the old meddling coot keeping away from the Shire for quite a few years.

‘Bilbo Baggins. I’m pleased to see you again. Though I’m surprised you didn’t know I’m coming a league ahead.’ Gandalf smiled at her. ‘I may have nodded off for a while. And I suppose that after all those years I don’t register your presence as anything out of odds. Unlike most of the Shire of course.’ Bilbo chuckled around her pipe. ‘You haven’t aged a day. And it’s been awhile since we saw each other last time.’ Gandalf’s smile didn’t falter for a second. ‘Yes. Mother’s funeral, very pleasant occurrence indeed. What business brings you to Hobbiton again?’ Bilbo crossed her arms expectantly, pointedly ignoring mentions of her agelessness.

‘I’m simply seeking company of my old friend, of course.’ As that was a blatant lie, he met with Bilbo’s unimpressed glare. ‘I’m looking for someone to share in an adventure.’ Gandalf admitted, his expression unchanged. ‘Oh, sure, adventure. More like some death-threatening mess, as I know you.’ Bilbo snorted and a little sheepish look that appeared on Gandalf’s old face before he schooled it again confirmed her assumption. ‘All right, enlighten me.’ Bilbo sighed and patted the place on the bench beside her. Gandalf passed through the gate with a swirl of his robes and sat next to her, drawing out his own pipe to light it with his finger.

 

‘It’s a quest concerning dwarves. I suppose you heard the tale of a dwarven kingdom far to the East which was stolen by a dragon. The tale is true, dwarves that settled in the Blue Mountains are those who survived the dragon fire and their king wishes to take their mountain back. As not many deem the gold in the mountain worth the risk of loosing their hard won lives, they are in need of company members. To steal an important item from the dragon’s treasure that would gain them more support they could use someone of stealthy feet.’ Gandalf came to the matter after a while of content puffing. ‘A fire-breathing dragon. Sounds fun. Count me in, if only for the sake of watching that beast burning the dwarves to the crisp.’ Bilbo chuckled and started cleaning her pipe. ‘You… agree? I must say I expected you would resist far more.’ Gandalf raised his bushy eyebrows in genuine surprise.

‘Well, after that dreadful business with barrow-wights I swore never to succumb to your schemes again and a good job of keeping my word I did indeed.’ Bilbo admitted with a shrug. ‘But I find myself bored out of my wits lately. Shire doesn’t offer much distraction aside from occasional tongue-lashing with Lobelia. And meeting a dragon will be a nice addition to my books.’ Bilbo put the pipe in her pocket and stood up to stretch her back with a loud crack. ‘That’s settled then, I will send the word to the others. Expect us for supper.’ Gandalf stood up and went to the gate, apparently pleased. ‘Fine, bring them along. At least they will help to empty the pantries. You know I hate wasting food.’ Bilbo waved him off and went to the smial when Gandalf disappeared down the road again.

 

‘Alright, we have some work to be done before depart.’ Bilbo muttered to herself. First of all she wrote a letter with instructions for Hamfast. It was hardly a new thing for the Gamgees to look after Bag End when Bilbo was on an adventure, but it was always good to have something in hand in case Lobelia would want to cause troubles. Then she proceeded to pack her backpack. _‘Suitable clothes, bedroll, dry food, herbs and other medical supplies, throwing knives, tinderbox…’_ She checked her mental list and found she probably had everything needed. With content smile she went to Gamgees’.

‘Good afternoon, Miss Bilbo! How may I be helpful to you on this beautiful day?’ Hamfast’s head emerged from a bush beside the fence when their gate creaked. ‘Hello, Hamfast. I guess I will never teach you to call me just Bilbo, right? I’m having some business outside the Shire. I would very much appreciate if you could take care of Bag End again.’ Bilbo smiled at him and handed him the letter. ‘Off to another adventure, eh?’ Hamfast winked at her and wiped his hands dirty from the flower bed he’s been tending to before he hid the envelope in his pocket.

‘Don’t worry at all, me and my Bell will keep an eye on your house and defend it from the vile Sackville-Bagginses, if the need arises.’ He beamed at her and motioned to the door. ‘Do you care for a cuppa of tea? I’m positive Bell was about to bake a seed cake.’ He invited politely, as a proper hobbit. ‘Thank you, Hamfast, you’re very kind, but I’m afraid I have some more preparations to do. I’ll drop the key here in the morning as usually?’ Bilbo respectfully but firmly refused and when Hamfast confirmed her suggestion, she went back home.

 

₪₪₪

 

Bilbo was in the dining room arranging plates, trays and bowls filled with food on the table when she heard loud pounding on the door. She frowned and scurried to the door. ‘Do you intend to break my door or something? I’m not deaf, you don’t have to use a war-ram.’ She scolded the dwarf standing on her porch. ‘Dwalin, at your service.’ The dwarf uttered after a few seconds of stunned silence and bowed. ‘Bilbo Baggins at yours. Come in, please. But clean your boots before you step in, thank you very much.’ Bilbo introduced herself and instructed her guest, then disappeared back to the kitchen. ‘Did you grow roots in there or what? This way.’ She stuck her head into the corridor when Master Dwalin didn’t make any move. He made to follow her voice inside hesitantly.

‘Oh, no, no, no. No weapons in my dining hall. Put them to the entrance hall. And wash your hands, the bathroom is on the right.’ Bilbo rolled her eyes and ushered Master Dwalin to do as she said. The dwarf was pretty intimidating, with his tall and muscular figure, bald head and hands covered with tattoos, warrior from the first sight, but her fussing visibly perplexed him. When she sat him down and pushed a plate with food before him, the doorbell rang. ‘That’ll be the door.’ Dwalin grunted and Bilbo went to open. ‘Balin, at your service.’ A white haired dwarf smiled pleasantly at her. A loud crash came from inside of the smial. ‘Good evening.’ Bilbo produced before she stalked back in with a deep frown.

‘Pray what are you doing here?’ She demanded and she saw Master Dwalin with a hand stuck in a jar of cookies. ‘Well, obviously your hand is too big to pull it out while holding a cookie. Blame those knuckle-dusters of yours. Be so kind and do not attempt to break my things, thank you very much.’ She yanked his hand out of the jar and pulled several cookies out of it, then pressed them into his palm. ‘Here you are.’ She chirped and put the jar where it belonged. When she turned around, she found out Master Balin trailed after her and was watching the exchange with amused smile.

‘I’m terribly sorry for my manners, please do be seated.’ Bilbo motioned to the table. ‘Evening, brother!’ Master Balin greeted the other dwarf in her dining room. _‘Oh right, Balin and Dwalin. Makes sense.’_ Bilbo thought to herself and winced then the two bashed their foreheads together. _‘No wonder most of the dwarves always seem so half-witted. They have probably their brains squashed into jelly by this folly.’_ Bilbo snorted to herself and made for the door again when someone abused the doorbell viciously.

 

The pair of dwarves looking at her with wide silly smiles when she opened was undoubtedly young, barely of age. ‘Fíli,’ said the blonde one, ‘and Kíli,’ added the brown-haired, ‘at your service!’ They finished the sentence in unison and bowed. Bilbo felt faintly amused. ‘You must be Miss Boggins!’ Kíli exclaimed happily. ‘Erm, it’s Baggins. Come in you two.’ Bilbo stepped aside for them to march in like they owned the place. ‘Put your weapons somewhere in the hall, there should already be several from your companions.’ Bilbo said mainly for Fíli, who seemed to have at least dozen of daggers strapped on various places around his body.

‘I just have them sharpened.’ He puffed up proudly while disarming. ‘Good for you. Blunt weapons are of no use after all.’ Bilbo answered and Fíli looked at her curiously. Before he could say something however, Bilbo spotted Kíli rubbing dirt from his boots over her mother’s glory box. ’Stop that this instant, that’s my mother’s glory box. You will clean this before I allow you into the dining room.’ Bilbo stated sternly and Kíli looked at her with mild shock plastered on his face. He whined when Bilbo produced a wet rug but obeyed nonetheless while Fíli was snickering behind them.

When Bilbo declared the box to be clean enough, she ushered the two into the dining room, more loud greetings and head banging following. She was about to sit down at last and have a cup of tea when the doorbell rang again. ‘Blasted dwarves, they are trailing here like flies to a manure. They just couldn’t come all at once.’ Bilbo grumbled angrily and opened the door for the fourth time. She managed to jump aside just in time before a hoard of dwarves burst into the entrance hall and fell onto one huge pile. ‘You don’t have to fall to my legs, master dwarves.’ Bilbo smirked and helped the lot swearing and bickering loudly untangle their limbs and stand up.

She counted them quickly to find out there were _eight_ of them. ‘Plus the four already in the dining hall… Good gracious, you will be packed like rabbits in a warren in there. Well, nothing can be done.’ Bilbo mused, mostly to herself. ‘Please deposit you packages and weapons here and clean your boots so you don’t trail mud and dirt all around my house.’ She commanded with a firm voice. They were staring at her for a moment, but then probably realized she was deadly serious and obeyed with lots of grumbling and grunting. Only when she inspected them and found them approvable enough to be let into her dining room, Bilbo moved aside.

With all the dwarves disappeared in the dining room, Bilbo noticed Gandalf, who was watching from the door with lips quirked up. ‘What amuses you so much?’ Bilbo raised one eyebrow. ‘Oh, nothing, don’t mind me. I was just thinking to myself I couldn’t find anyone better as the last member of our company.’ Gandalf shrugged and stepped inside. The rumpus in the dining hall was nearly deafening. ‘A merry gathering, aren’t they?’ Gandalf commented when he hanged his cloak and hat onto the hook. ‘Ugh. I think I’m prone to headaches for the next year or so.’ Bilbo waved him off, braced herself and dove into the dining room.

 

At that point, the food went already flying, dwarves catching it in their mouths or just trying to hit each other. ‘That was to be expected. No manners at all.’ Bilbo ran a hand over her face and sighed to herself. She managed to salvage some bacon, cold chicken, a few slices of bread and several scones. When almost all the food was devoured, Bilbo stood up to clean the pottery. ‘Stay sitting, Miss Boggins, leave it to us!’ Kíli’s huge paw landed on her shoulder and to her horror, he and Fíli started juggling and throwing her plates and bowls around, singing a terribly out-of-tune song about many ways how to ruin her property, others joining them with glee.

Only when the song ended she managed to pull two young brothers who started this madness out of the crowd and dragged them to the entrance hall by their ears. Fíli and Kíli were whining and protesting loudly but Bilbo was having none of it. ‘Is it a habit of you dwarves to toss around anything within reach when you’re on a visit somewhere, huh?’ She started dressing them down, when loud pounding from the other side vibrated the door. ‘Stay where you are!’ She levelled them with furious gaze and yanked the door open. ‘Ugh, another dwarf. As if twelve wasn’t enough. For Yavanna’s sake are you going to move the entire mountain into my house?’ She asked angrily the tall dark-haired dwarf who was just gaping at her.

When he didn’t say anything, she just huffed and turned back to the two young rascals. ‘As for you two, I’m terribly disappointed to find out you lack all manners. I really do pity your mother if she has to put up with such behaviour on a daily basis.’ She was speaking her mind while Fíli and Kíli were standing there crestfallen, looking like two drowned rats. ‘If this is your idea of a joke, than I can only say it’s of a very poor taste indeed.’ She finished and propped her hands on her hips expectantly. ‘M’sorry, Miss Baggins.’ Kíli mumbled while staring at his legs. ‘Me too. We didn’t mean to make you upset, please do forgive us.’ Fíli followed his suit, fidgeting with laces of his tunic. ‘Yes, please give us another chance.’ Kíli pleaded with puppy eyes.

Anger slowly dissipated from Bilbo and she pinched the bridge of her nose. ‘Fine. But I expect you to behave or you shan’t escape my wrath.’ Bilbo clicked her tongue and motioned them back to the dining room. Only then she noticed the other dwarves were watching the scene with silent awe, including the one at the door who was unfortunate enough to get into the fight right upon his arrival. ‘What are you lot looking at? You weren’t much better than the two lads.’ She challenged them with raised eyebrows and everyone quickly shuffled back into the room.

 

‘Sorry about that, yelling at one’s guest right on the doorstep is hardly a sign of good manners.’ Bilbo turned to the dwarf who was still gazing at her and rubbed the back of her neck. ‘Bilbo Baggins, at your service.’ She bowed. He remained silent, eyeing her curiously, and Bilbo started feeling awkward. ‘Bilbo, allow me to introduce Thorin Oakenshield, the leader of our company.’ Gandalf interfered and introduced the dwarf solemnly. ‘Gandalf. Your directions were utterly confusing, I lost my way twice. Hence the delay. I wouldn’t find it at all without that mark on the door.’ Master Thorin finally snapped out of his speechlessness and stepped inside.

‘You scratched my newly painted door?! You old wicked fox.’ Bilbo levelled Gandalf with one of her annoyed frowns. ‘So, this is the hobbit.’ Master Thorin scanned her from the top of her curls to her furred toes. ‘Well, I’m most certainly not a warg.’ Bilbo retorted, irritation not completely vanished. ‘And a female on top of that.’ Master Thorin continued. ‘I must say your observing abilities are most astounding.’ Bilbo uttered sarcastically and a fit of chuckles and giggles came from the dining room.

The dwarf just sent her a furious glare that was probably supposed to be intimidating. ‘Gandalf, is it really a good idea to bring her along? We cannot be delayed by soft and fragile woman.’ Master Thorin turned to the wizard, ignoring Bilbo’s presence completely. ‘Bilbo, dear, could you find something for Thorin to eat?’ Gandalf smiled at her thinly, seemingly sending her to cool down, before her temper snapped again. ‘Sure.’ Bilbo gritted through her teeth and stalked to the kitchen.

 

₪₪₪

 

The directions wizard gave him were utterly confusing. First he couldn’t find that Hobbiton village and then he ended up in someone’s back garden twice. When Thorin finally knocked on the round green door marked with a glowing rune, the ruckus coming from inside was so loud no one apparently heard him knocking through it. Annoyed, he banged louder. Thorin was so taken aback when a yelling woman opened the door furiously and chewed him out before he as much introduced himself, he wasn’t even able to conceal his surprise.

From the vague information Gandalf gave him about the halflings, he expected some soft cowardly creature that would wither under his stare like a leaf. Aside from the initial surprise of being scolded for arriving where he was clearly invited before, he had to give the snappy female some credit though. Her dressing down reduced his ever misbehaving nephews into shuffling their legs and heads hung with shame, a feat that few ever achieved. It didn’t help at all that she was quite attractive and Thorin immediately felt some strange pull towards her.

 

Gandalf led him into a small dining room where other members of his company were already assembled. Thorin sat at the head of the table and after a while the hobbit put a bowl with soup and several slices of fresh bread before him with slightly more force than necessary. ‘That’s all I have now. If you were here in time you would find out we had a nice feast but your friends already managed to pillage my pantries to the last crumb.’ She informed him curtly and before Thorin could at least thank her, she disappeared in the depths of her house again.

It was now up to Thorin to inform his eager companions that this quest was only theirs and no help would come from their kin. Everyone was staring to their cups with various degrees of gloom on their faces until Fíli and Kíli started cheering them up again. ‘We are fighters, all of us, to the last dwarf. We can do it ourselves!’ Thorin’s nephews shouted at their companions (and also relatives) and it worked. ‘Well, maybe it’s better idea to go about it with a small company anyway.’ Miss Baggins mused from behind Thorin and made him jump slightly. _‘When did she get there…?’_ Thorin couldn’t fathom.

‘What do you mean?’ Dwalin asked her gruffly instead of him. ‘The fewer the better if you want to be inconspicuous. You dwarves aren’t exactly stealthy. And you didn’t manage to kill the beast with an army the first time, maybe different approach will prove to be more successful.’ She put it bluntly. Thorin got angry that she was talking about losing his homeland to the dragon so casually. ‘I have to agree with Bilbo on this. Your father gave me those before the battle of Azanulbizar.’ Gandalf chimed in diplomatically and put a map with a key before Thorin. His anger turned to the wizard immediately.

‘You had this all along? Why didn’t you give it to me sooner?’ Thorin growled. ‘I didn’t deem the time to be right.’ Gandalf merely shrugged. ‘What does it say anyway?’ Balin tried to get to the matter again. ‘That there are hidden door somewhere in the Mountain. Unfortunately we are lacking information how to find them. It must be written on the map but I cannot decipher the riddle. But there are others on the Middle-Earth who could.’ Gandalf explained. ‘The Lonely Mountain. Now that’s a long way so far to Rhovanion. Three months at least, quite possibly more, depends on how much trouble we encounter.’ Miss Baggins looked over Thorin’s shoulder and mumbled right next to his ear. Thorin could feel her breath on his cheek and they quickly went burning red. _‘Lucky it’s so dark in here.’_ He frowned to himself.

‘What do you know about trouble?’ He grumbled and she backed away from him. Someone living in thus luxurious home surely couldn’t get in any sort of trouble Thorin and his people suffered through. ‘More than I should like thanks to dear Gandalf.’ She answered enigmatically with frown of her own. ‘And what’s your weapon of choice then?’ Thorin inquired. ‘I choose not to fight unless absolutely necessary.’ She snorted when Thorin sent her exasperated look. ‘Though I have a decent aim with a bow, if you really must know.’ She finally chose to answer Thorin’s question and he saw others of the company eyeing her suspiciously.

 

‘Fine. Balin, give her a contract.’ Thorin huffed and turned to his advisor and old friend. Balin handed Miss Baggins large parchment. ‘Just the usual stuff. Presumed time your services will be used, vow of secrecy, remuneration, funeral arrangements and so forth.’ Balin smiled thinly at her. ‘Funeral arrangements? Now that would cost you. I refuse to be buried Eru knows where, you would have to deliver me back to the Shire, to be put next to my good late parents.’ Miss Baggins snorted while shaking her head. ‘Gandalf, I cannot guarantee her safety. Nor will I be responsible for her fate.’ Thorin leaned towards the wizard. The old wizard only nodded with cryptic expression.

 

‘Alright, let’s see it. I, the undersigned, [referred to hereinafter as Burglar,] agree to travel to the Lonely Mountain, path to be determined by Thorin Oakenshield, who has a right to alter the course of the journey at his so choosing, without prior notification and/or liability for accident or injury incurred.’ Miss Baggins recited in steady voice before she suddenly burst out a fit of giggles. ‘You… _You_ are going to lead the way?’ She pointed at Thorin, leaning on the wall, tears of laughter glinting in her startlingly green eyes. ‘What of it?’ Thorin growled and glared at her, not having a clue what she found so amusing. ‘Well, considering you got lost twice in the Shire… I’m not exactly sure that’s a wise choice if we actually want to get to that mountain of yours before we die of old age.’ She snickered and a few chuckles joined her. They all turned terribly serious when Thorin narrowed his eyes at them.

‘…up to and not exceeding one fourteenth of the profit… I don’t care about that…’ She turned back to the contract before Thorin could react to her mocking remark. ‘Laceration? Evisceration? Incineration?’ Miss Baggins looked at the dwarves with raised eyebrows. ‘Oh aye, the dragon will melt your flesh in the blink of an eye. Nothing but a pile of ash will remain.’ Bofur grinned at her toothily. ‘Well, speak for yourself. I do not have any intention to let myself be roasted like a pig by some fire-spitting worm, but if you do, be my guest.’ She retorted dryly. Thorin had to admit he expected her to faint at that point.

‘Overall the contract sounds fair but I have to demand a change concerning funeral arrangements. You have to include transport back here, only then I can agree.’ Miss Baggins turned to Balin with firm expression. Balin exchanged look with Thorin who merely nodded. ‘As you wish, give me a moment to change that part.’ Balin inclined his head and she handed him the parchment back. With all of this settled and contract signed  few minutes later, this hobbit lady unimpressed even by a dragon joined Thorin’s company. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

 

‘I prepared all of my guest rooms for you but you will have to share. Do it your way, I’m going to bed. My head is throbbing with pain from all the ruckus you cause. Just try not to burn my house down or destroy the plumbing. Good night.’ Miss Baggins then instructed them while massaging her temples, bid them good night and stalked away down the hall. ‘It appears our burglar is very interesting person indeed.’ Balin told Thorin when the company scattered around the house to prepare themselves for the night. Thorin only hummed in response, watching a flick of honey-coloured hair disappear behind the door of Mistress of the house bedroom.

Balin looked like he wanted to say something more but then decided against it, patted Thorin’s shoulder and sat by the fireplace. Thorin and his companions sang several songs before they parted to their respective rooms. While singing Misty Mountains cold, Thorin’s heart clenched with homesickness. _’ Soon we shall look upon the halls of our homeland again. Soon, we shall reclaim them back for us.’_ He promised to himself and went to bed. Unfortunately he was sharing with Fíli and Kíli who were whispering and laughing excitedly long after Thorin closed his eyes, preventing him from sleep for hours.

 

₪₪₪

 

Thorin woke up not very rested when Miss Baggins banged on their door and sing-songed: ‘Rise and shine!’, following this suit with every room. When Thorin crawled out of his bed, breakfast was already being served, food disappearing in Bombur’s mouth with unnatural speed. Apparently she wasn’t entirely honest when she said everything was eaten before his arrival, but whatever. Fortunately he managed to salvage something for himself in time. Thorin couldn’t help but observe from the corner of his eyes how fetching Miss Baggins looked wearing pants. When he turned back to his food after stealing an appreciative glance at her butt, Dwalin sitting in front of him made a rude gesture at him and grinned. Thorin just rolled his eyes in annoyance. _‘I have to be more careful.’_ He commanded himself.

 

When they finally got out of the house with all their bags, sacks, pouches and so, Miss Baggins locked the round green door and put a sign onto it. It read:

 

_I, Bilbo Baggins of Bag End, left for a time being. During my absence I entrust the smial along with my belongings to my dutiful neighbour Hamfast Gamgee and said Master’s family. By any chance do not let Sackville-Bagginses near my house. In particular, charming Missus Lobelia should keep her sticky paws off my silver. Also do not let her proclaim me dead and auction off my property again, one time was quite enough, thank you very much. Should I truly perish, do me the honour and follow the will._

Fíli and Kíli were ecstatic about the sign and were grinning widely, several other members of the company chuckled or smirked as well. Thorin found it amusing too but steeled himself to retain serious face. ‘Can we go already?’ He instead barked in Miss Baggins’s direction. ‘If you leave my garden and let me lock the gate at last, then surely we can.’ She glanced at him with pursed lips and everyone shuffled out of her garden quickly. She then dropped the key by the neighbours and parted with apparently Gamgee family heartily, even though the hobbits were shooting wary and suspicious glances towards the dwarves.

‘Our ponies are waiting down by the inn, you shall get one of them too.’ Thorin said with his back to her. ‘Ugh. I hate travelling on horseback, I’m having a reaction every time.’ She grumbled mostly to herself. ‘Well, if we are to use ponies, than I will at least have my trusted beast Myrtle.’ Miss Baggins propped her backpack and disappeared down one of the streets. She rode towards them several minutes later sitting on furry auburn pony with keen eyes. ‘What takes you so long?’ She needled and everyone hastened to fasten their packs and mounted as quickly as possible at that, as if no one wanted to be the last in the saddle and disappoint the only lady in their company.

While they were trotting towards borders of the Shire, Thorin had an opportunity to watch Miss Baggins from behind the caravan undisturbed. She was smiling widely and talking animatedly with Bofur who seemed to immediately find a common ground with her, Fíli and Kíli listening to what they had to say eagerly. As her long hair fluttered in the wind and his younger nephew reached out to chase after one strand out of fun, an ugly pang of jealousy bolted through him and Thorin realized this quest just got one more complication in the form of their beautiful burglar. At least complication for him because how for Mahal’s sake was he supposed to endure this emotional turmoil coiling in his chest all the way to Erebor?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I pretty much decided I need to write a crack because the dwarves are simply ridiculous when I watch the movies. Combine it with hours upon hours of playing Shadow of Mordor and this is the result. I got so enthusiastic I have second chapter almost finished too. And of course not a word of the updates of my two previous works. I'm terribly sorry. 
> 
> I would be thankful for some reviews? I always send my ideas to my very patient friend Oli but an opinion of someone who isn't biased wouldn't hurt. (: Thanks a lot! 
> 
> Also, I got that dratted tumblr I spoke about. Dreadful business so far. <https://malazuzu22.tumblr.com/>


	2. Chapter 2 - Trolls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was finished on Sunday but I wanted to finish the fanart before posting it. The link is below. (:

Not that Thorin wouldn’t appreciate a good song. He, as much as any other dwarf, was on contrary quite fond of songs, knowing lots of drinking tunes himself. And the voice of one Miss Bilbo Baggins, especially while singing and not uttering snarky comments, was undoubtedly alluring (not that he would say it out loud any time soon). But when the same song was sung for umpteenth time, it was getting on his nerves. First time she sang it on prompt of Bofur, with whom she, much to Thorin’s irritation, became fast friends, it amused the whole bunch of them.

A merry tune about a man on the moon, apparently her own composition, quickly got into Bofur’s memory and the second row he was humming and singing along. About fourth time it was enough even for Fíli and Kíli to memorize the lyrics and join in. Sixth time Ri brothers seemed fit to add their voices. Now, without stretching the truth, the song was sung about eleventh time and all of the company seemed to enjoy chanting like a choir, even the twice damned wizard, only Thorin was fed up with the ridiculous melody quite thoroughly.

When they started another round – and by that time Thorin was half convinced they were doing it on purpose, testing his patience – he couldn’t contain his displeasure any more. ‘Would you just shut up already?’ He snapped at the bunch of merry dwarves (plus one hobbit and one wizard) from the front of the group and they burst out fits of giggles and barks or howls of uproarious laughter. ‘Come on, Nori, pay up!’ Óin shouted in between of the guffaws and soon bickering over lost or won coins went through the group. _‘Of course those bastards took wages how many times I endure this.’_ Thorin growled internally and put on his grumpiest scowl.  That he directed at the source of his suffering, the inventor of the now horrid song. Only Miss Baggins ignored him completely, save the wicked wink she sent his way. And it in any way shouldn’t make his insides flutter.

 

That night they were camping on the rocky slopes sheltered from three sides against enemies. It turned out even Bombur had a lot in common with their hobbit as she assigned herself as his helper while making dinner, peeling potatoes and chopping vegetables while chattering with the chubby dwarf about variations of some particular stew recipe. To avoid brooding that yet another company member was getting close with their burglar while Thorin barely exchanged a few words a day with her, he engaged Fíli and Kíli into a sparring training. Sweating off some of the frustration would surely help.  

‘Miss Boggins is awesome. She has the most perfect aim I’ve ever seen! And she agreed to practise with me!’ Kíli started his extolling of said hobbit lady again. As an enthusiastic archer himself, he invited Miss Baggins to go hunting with him the first evening on the road, curious about her skills. Thorin snorted at the idea and exchanged sceptical looks with Dwalin, but as soon as they returned from the hunt, their smug smirks were wiped away. Kíli and Miss Baggins managed to shoot six rabbits at the short time they were away, four of them fallen dead by their burglar as Kíli swore on his mother’s beard. That night they had delicious stew made out of them and two were roasted over the fire to be stored for the breakfast.

‘It’s Miss Baggins, Kíli.’ Fíli corrected him and elbowed his brother for good measure. As it turned out during a conversation, Miss Baggins was also experienced with throwing daggers, something that Fíli was fascinated with. So it was no wonder Thorin’s nephews were downright enamoured with the cheery hobbit. And even though Thorin knew it was irrational to be jealous over his own nephews – to his own consolation Miss Baggins never showed any signs of affection crossing friendly boundaries or perhaps a motherly caring towards the lads, or anyone else for that case – he may have been a bit harsher than usually with swinging his blade on them during the training.

They returned to the camp all sweaty, Kíli and Fíli whining and complaining loudly about Thorin working off his anger about the previous round of bets on them. Miss Bilbo spared the two lads encouraging smile before her eyes flickered to him, conveying clearly: _‘Was that really necessary?’_. Thorin huffed and frowned defiantly to get across the message that yes, it _was_ indeed necessary. It was for their own good after all, enemies wouldn’t go easy on them either only because they were young. She just rolled her eyes in unimpressed manner Thorin began to believe she had stored exclusively for him and stirred the contains of the pot over the fire again before serving the clam chowder to the boys who hurried to her to get comforts. They snickered at something she told them and why should that irk Thorin so much?

 

Either way it took him some time to gather his courage and approach her to get his portion of the dinner as this was the time of the day their usual exchange of the few words said between them for a day occurred. ‘You shouldn’t be too hard on them, the bet was not their idea.’ Miss Baggins said while pouring the chowder into a wooden bowl. ‘I believe it’s hardly your business how hard I am on my own heirs.’ Thorin snapped back, immediately regretting it when her face twisted into sneer. Why by Mahal’s beard wasn’t he able to talk a one civil word towards her even if he really wanted? She just muttered something in elvish under her breath, very probably a stream of insults, before she shoved the bowl into his hands and turned her back to him.

Thorin opened his mouth to say something but not knowing what, he clicked it shut again and stomped to the other side of the camp with his dinner to eat it in Dwalin’s company. ‘Since when my cousin and king is such a blockhead?’ Dwalin lifted his eyes from where he was sharpening his precious axes. ‘Don’t know what you’re babbling about.’ Thorin grumbled in between the mouthfuls. ‘Spare me your pretended stupidity, I noticed those longing looks when you think no one’s watching. You fancy the burglar.’ Dwalin rolled his eyes matter-of-factly.

They both watched as Fíli, Kíli, Ori and Ur brothers sat in a circle around her, hanging on her lips while she was telling them another story. ‘Can’t say I blame you exactly. The lassie has a spine, sharp mind, good looks and some skill with weapons. Nothing to disapprove about.’ Dwalin shrugged when he figured out Thorin wasn’t going to say anything on that matter. ‘What would you do in my place?’ Desperate situations called for desperate measures, like actually asking your boor cousin how to approach a person you were destined to love. The denial about it lasted barely first two days from her joining the quest. Not all dwarves realized their One was standing in front of their eyes the moment they met but Thorin did.

‘I would shag her before Bofur lays his paws on her first.’ Dwalin grinned impishly, knowing the furious reaction it would draw from Thorin. He just huffed with scowl and punched Dwalin’s shoulder for such a suggestion, only gaining smooching noises and chuckles from him. Thorin shook his head exasperatedly, not getting how he could for a second believe Dwalin would give him any kind of sensible advice, and went to return the empty bowl to Bombur. While he was there, he could sit down a bit sideways but still within earshot to hear what Miss Baggins had to say and enjoy the sound of her voice, couldn’t he?

 

₪₪₪

 

On contrary of what it looked like, Bilbo couldn’t say she was particularly enjoying constant fights with the leader of their company. Yes, he was grumpy like an old bear woke up sooner than the spring came on his better days, smile never appearing on his grim face, but that didn’t necessarily mean he had to be so damn unpleasant all the time. Back in Bree where they stayed for a last night in foreseeable future spent in proper bed, several local ladies and even one courageous lad approached him with amorous intentions and Bilbo just shook her head. ‘What do they see about him? I don’t get it.’ She turned to Bofur and motioned with her head towards Master Oakenshield turning down another person willing to spend the night in his company.

Bofur huffed out a laugh. ‘Dark hair, bedroom eyes, moody demeanour. I totally get it.’ He grinned toothily and sipped on his ale. Bilbo just shrugged and turned her attention to her own tankard. She dismissed any thoughts about attractiveness of dwarves immediately, but as she had the opportunity to watch him closer during the journey, she had to begrudgingly admit there _was_ something about the crownless king of theirs. Not that it would matter, because she had no intentions to get tangled into any sort of relationship beyond friendship with anyone. And for a good reason too. No one ever understood her… abilities, save the wizards and elves and even they were often wary about it. The few hobbits that kept in touch with her simply didn’t believe she ever had them.

 

Most of her companions retired for the night, Fíli and Kíli were stuffing their pipes before going to sleep as well and she busied herself with patching up a ripped hem of her tunic when the hair on her neck stood. ‘Orcs. Two… no, three. On wargs. North-east, half a league far.’ Bilbo stiffened when she felt them and mumbled to herself. From the corner of her eye she noticed that Master Thorin, who funnily enough kept close to their group this night and dozed off quite a while before, stiffened too. _‘Did he hear that?_ ’ Bilbo startled but he seemed to be asleep. Just a coincidence.

Not five minutes later the screeching noises of those foul creatures carried by the wind across the wilderland were registered even by the two young brothers and anyone else still awake in the camp and Master Thorin creaked his eyes open with an indecipherable frown. ‘Orcs?’ Bilbo said out loud. ‘There will be dozens of them, swift and merciless they are. They attack the camps in wee small hours when everyone’s asleep. They leave behind just lots of blood.’ Kíli said in terribly serious voice that crumbled into snickers shared with his brother while poor Ori trembled in fear. ‘You think that an ambush by orcs is a joke?’ Their leader stood up and levelled the lads with stony glare. ‘We didn’t mean anything by.’ Kíli lowered his eyes to his lap. ‘Of course not. Naïve, stupid children. You know nothing of the world.’ He snarled his way before he stalked out of the camp towards their ponies.

Poor Kíli sniffed, valiantly holding back tears that welled in his eyes. Seriously, that poncy dwarf was just an insensitive, intellectually challenged eejit. ‘Don’t mind him, laddie.’ Master Balin encouraged crestfallen Kíli with a warm smile. ‘After all, you know that Thorin has all the cause to hate orcs more than anyone.’ He sighed after a while and began the story of battle of Azanulbizar. Bilbo of course read about it some time before, as secretive as dwarves were such a huge battle became known all across Middle Earth. What she didn’t know however that Master Thorin’s grandfather was slain in the battle along with other family members and his father went missing, leaving young Thorin in charge of the remaining refugees of Erebor.

 

Considering this and open admiration in eyes of other dwarves – at some point all of the company members woke up and listened to the tale – Bilbo had to give the grumpy king some credit. Said dwarf he was now standing at the edge of the cliff, staring into the distance, his hair was fluttering in the wind, as the moonlight lit his face, his firmly set jaw and furrow of his brows spoke of determination to get better lives for his people… Bilbo had to stop following that train of thoughts there. Shortly, he was ridiculously majestic. However the nickname he gained for using and oaken branch as a shield was a tad bit funny, but that she couldn’t possibly say out loud.

‘What about the pale orc, did he die?’ Ori asked with a small voice, making notes dutifully the whole time. ‘That scum crawled back into his lair and perished due to his wounds.’ Master Thorin finally confirmed he was listening as well. Seeing the troubled look Gandalf exchanged with Master Balin, Bilbo was suddenly not so sure it was truth and bit her tongue thoughtfully. Solemn atmosphere descended onto the camp and soon enough everyone shuffled under their bedrolls to get some rest before another day of gaining sore backsides from sitting in the saddles for hours.

‘Miss Boggins, can we sleep next to you?’ Kíli with Fíli in tow approached her with hopeful faces. ‘Just because you were almost well behaved today.’ Bilbo for once ignored how stubbornly the lad mispronounced her clan name (poor old Bungo would surely have a fit about it) and patted the place next to her with inviting smile. A bit of shared warm couldn’t hurt anyone, right? As she was sandwiched between the two brothers a few moments after, she could feel a pair of eyes burning holes into her back that she mulishly refused to acknowledge even though she knew to whom they belonged. Or better – _because_ she knew it.

 

Sometime during the night they had to cuddle closer unconsciously, as Bilbo woke up in a tight embrace of Kíli’s arms, his dark brown hair ticking her under nose, and Fíli pressed close to her back with one arm wrapped around her waist. In her wiggling out of reach of Kíli’s hair she managed to elbow Fíli to the stomach and startled by his surprised yelp she head-butted Kíli right into his nose. When they untangled their limbs and put some decent space between them, cheeks burning with embarrassment, the three of them noticed that they were a source of amusement for several other already awakened dwarves for quite a while. However, any of them really complained considering they slept comfortably and so they just rolled their bedrolls and got breakfast.

The whole time they were eating, packing the camp and getting ready for travelling again, Bilbo could swear Master Thorin was even grumpier than usually. Even though he dismissed his nephews’ inquires about his bad mood, Bilbo couldn’t help but compare him to a petulant fauntling. Oh well, dwarfling in this case. She had a suspicion it was about the sleeping arrangements from the previous night, but she couldn’t bring herself to bother asking. Whatever his problem was, it was his own. With that resolution Bilbo ignored him again and so she completely missed the covetous look Thorin sent her way when he was sure no one was looking.

 

Around midday the weather turned sour and thus the company found themselves trotting unhappily while soaking wet with the rain. Usually cheery Bofur grumbled about not being able to enjoy a pipe and even Fíli and Kíli seemed to lost any taste to cause mischief. ‘Mister Gandalf, cannot you possibly do something about this deluge?’ Master Dori shouted desperately towards the head of the group where Gandalf lead them forward. _‘Oh, that would be brilliant if the old flake could conjure a better weather. Half of the Shire would worship him, no doubt.’_ Bilbo snorted to herself, already knowing the answer.

‘I’m afraid it will continue raining until the rain is done. Perhaps one of the blue wizards who I didn’t see for a very long time would be able to do something about it, but certainly not me.’ Gandalf explained with surprising patience. ‘Not even Saruman can command the weather?’ Bilbo inquired while Gandalf seemed to be forthcoming. ‘He could summon a storm, yes, but not dispel it.’ The grey wizard shrugged. ‘You know any other wizards apart from Gandalf?’ Fíli broke out of the speechlessness with genuine curiosity. ‘Well, I met the White one, Saruman. But only briefly.’ That was to say, she was unconscious most of the time he was present in Rivendell and she never truly spoke with him.

‘Are there any others?’ Ori was apparently intrigued as well. ‘Aside from me and the ones I already mentioned, there is one more, Radagast the Brown. He dwells in Rhosgobel, watching over the Greenwood. He’s a soul who prefers to be surrounded by nature above company of others.’ Gandalf described a wizard Bilbo could very much sympathize with. Most of the time she felt the same way. Here the conversation faded and the company fell into grim silence again. Little did they know it would continue this way another two days before sun deemed appropriate to grace them with its warmth again. By that time Bilbo wasn’t sneezing only because of the horsehair and her considerably aggravated mood clashed with self-important king Thorin’s temper even worse (she may have called him a thick-headed dolt out loud during one of the quarrels).

 

₪₪₪

 

Despite being openly insulted by Miss Baggins, Thorin decided to change his tactics – observing from the save distance. Since the night of camping on the rocky slopes, he tend to sit not quite with the group assembled around the object of his interest, but close enough to hear what was being said, busying his hands with whittling. It couldn’t even be called eavesdropping, because Thorin was positive she knew, but be it as may, he learned some information about her without need of carrying on a conversation (as previously confirmed, they still weren’t able to remain civil towards each other).

Miss Bilbo was just recalling how she used to cause grief to the adult hobbits with a troop of other hobbitlings – and Thorin rather suspected his nephews just got a lot of inspiration for their pranks – when Ori piped up from where he was knitting something that with passing time started to resemble a mitten. ‘Pardon me for being curious and I hope I’m not terribly rude for asking, but what is your age?’ Shy scribe posed a question Thorin wished to have answered too. ‘I mean for the records about the members of the quest, of course.’ He added hastily when the hobbit’s brow arched in surprise. ‘That’s alright, no need to fret, Ori. I’m fifty.’ Miss Bilbo put a reassuring hand on the lad’s shoulder.

That of course caused a bit of havoc. ‘Just fifty? Mahal’s beard, you’re barely a tween!’ Dori exclaimed, obviously scandalized, supported by concerned noises of the others. Thorin that information hit square in his face. True, she did look very young but Thorin certainly didn’t presume Gandalf would bring to the company someone who was still a child. ‘Please, calm down…’ Miss Bilbo attempted to appease them waving her hands wildly. ‘Will you just listen? Hobbits age differently than you dwarves. The average lifespan is between eighty and ninety, coming of age when we reach thirty-three. So I’m well into the second half of my life already.’ That shut their mouths quite effectively.

Thorin couldn’t say what was actually worse. Considering he was 195 years old and the life expectancy of the dwarves was around 250, though the line of Durin tended to live towards three hundred, recalculated on the hobbit scale he would be just a few years older. But upon the realization that even if he did manage to win her heart, their happiness would last barely thirty or forty years before she departed – and he had to find out where hobbits dwelled when they passed away, because he had a very unpleasant feeling he wouldn’t meet with her even in the Halls of Mandos – his heart clenched with sadness.

 

The need of mulling this over made Thorin volunteer to take the watch instead of their three youngest members. The sun was about to rise in an half an hour when Dwalin relieved him in his duty. ‘Do you even bath? With all the furious swinging of blade you choose as a way to let the steam off you smell like an orc shite.’ Dwalin snorted and pulled a face. Thorin shot him a glare but decided that a bit of cleaning couldn’t hurt, particularly when everyone else was still asleep and he wouldn’t be disturbed. Only when he made it to the pool where the water falling down off a cliff gathered, he found out he was sorely mistaken as someone else had the same idea, even though he couldn’t fathom how she got past him undetected.

 

Thorin silently relished at the sight of how Bilbo’s wet honey curls clung on her back as she was standing under the waterfall, waist deep in the water, neatly cleaning her creamy skin with a soap. He was, of course, very well aware that his unabashed staring could be ranked as rude should she notice him, but he couldn’t really care. The problem was that she was right when she mocked the boots dwarves wore for making too much noise because as soon as he came closer to the shore – this time forcing himself to keep his eyes averted – she heard him and turned around. But on contrary of his belief she would shy away or start yelling again, only a canning smirk appeared on her lips that would be Thorin’s undoing.

He quickly looked away when he realized he was staring at her exposed breasts but she noticed. Of course she did. ‘One would almost say you never saw a naked female before.’ Bilbo – Thorin couldn’t bring himself to use the necessary titles upon seeing her naked – said casually as she thankfully – or not? – submerged neck deep and made a few paces his way. Thorin very much wanted to say that he _did,_ only he realized that accidentally getting an unfortunate glimpse of Dís when he went to bathroom without knocking couldn’t really count, so he instead busied himself with undressing his surcoat, armour and tunic in foolish hope she wouldn’t come any closer out of mutual embarrassment.

Thorin should have known this wouldn’t work for when he dared to lift his eyes again she was standing a mere few steps away, now even the lower half of her body uncovered as the water was shallow. It took his sheer willpower to keep his sight on the level of her own eyes (and it always startled him how very, almost unnaturally green they were when their eyes happened to meet, brighter than any emerald he ever saw) but the way her lips curled up would scare even more seasoned dwarf. ‘You can look again, I don’t mind.’ Thorin couldn’t miss the flirty undertone and after a second of considering if this was some kind of trap, he obeyed and observed what she put on display for him.

 

Slender neck, prominent collarbones, those delightful breasts again. Only there his eyes stopped and bored into the place right under the left breast. A scar, from the shape undoubtedly caused by a blade. _‘Someone stabbed her? But at that place that would mean…’_ That it would have to pierce the heart. By any means Bilbo shouldn’t be alive suffering an injury like this. So how…? ‘Leave the scar alone.’ She apparently guessed what started him so much and she looked angry again for a blink of an eye.

Distracted by pondering about his newest discovery anyway, he missed she moved even closer. So he almost jumped when her small hand touched his. He most certainly jumped when she lifted said hand and placed his palm upon her… bosom.  That was her bosom under his palm, warm and wet and soft and… ‘You like it, don’t you?’ Bilbo practically purred as she couldn’t miss the bulge of Thorin’s pants. Thank Mahal he left _that_ piece of garments on. Thorin could only nod dumbly, but that was apparently all encouragement she needed.

‘What would you have me do? Taking your cock between my lips and swallow you down my throat, sucking until you came into my mouth? Or perhaps stopping after a while, climbing to your lap and riding you until you filled me with your seed?’ Thorin was half convinced this was some kind of dream because he couldn’t possibly believe Bilbo just said that. _‘Do whatever you want, I take it all and even more!’_ His brain was screaming but he only swallowed thickly before the noise of other people approaching the pool with intentions of taking a bath came to their ears.

‘Pity we are interrupted. Will you think of me when you jerk off that hard-on I just gave you?’ Thorin didn’t realize his hand was still on her chest until now and he quickly retreated it with another dumb nod. ‘Very well. Perhaps another time. I hope you will find your voice again until then.’ Bilbo winked sinfully and threw the tunic and breeches on herself quickly. It was indeed a pity she covered that absolutely divine body of hers – she had surprisingly muscular frame for being of a race known as rather plump – but on the other hand he was somehow possessively glad he was the only one to be granted an eyeful.

 

To his utter confusion she put on a frown when Nori, Bofur and Glóin came to them, as if they were quarrelling again. ‘At it again, eh? I wonder if there will be a one single day those two aren’t at each other’s throats.’ Nori commented with a grin when Bilbo bid them good morning grumpily and stomped away. Thorin was very careful to remain with his back turned to his three companions when getting rid of the trousers and diving into the water. Even if it was a bit colder than he would prefer, it did nothing to dispel the boner. And so he found a secluded place and did as he promised to Bilbo without any trace of shame.

 

₪₪₪

 

Regardless of the encounter by the pool several days ago, relations between him and Bilbo (she got so irked by Kíli’s mispronunciation of her surname she said he should call her Bilbo instead and anyone else too after all, so Thorin did, even if only in his mind, certainly not when addressing her) remained very heated. Only Thorin now couldn’t say if she really was that annoyed by him all the time or she was just such a good actress, considering the play she performed in front of Nori, Glóin and Bofur. And despite the fact she obviously offered herself to him, Bilbo tend to sleep cuddled up in a bundle with his nephews, who trailed after her like ducklings after mother hen all day. Thorin couldn’t say if he was more jealous about this or the fact that the open admiration Kíli and Fíli used to have for him was now redirected at the hobbit burglar.

 

After another day spent on horseback they came across a dilapidated house. A bit dangerous to live so seclude in the wilderness, but the owners apparently moved anyway. ‘We camp here for the night.’ Thorin turned his pony to face the others and they all dismounted with much grumbling and complaining about sore arses. While most of them were pleased with a prospect of finally getting some rest and dinner, Gandalf eyed the ruins with concerned look. ‘I think it would be wiser to move on. Something’s off about this place.’ He finally said his verdict. ‘To go _where_?’ Thorin growled through his teeth as he already knew the answer because they discussed it several times so far.

‘We could make for the Imladris. The elves could give us provisions and good advice.’ Gandalf started all over again. ‘I’m not going anywhere close to that place full of people who betrayed us when we were in greatest need!’ Thorin pretty much snarled. ‘Put aside your irrational hate against the elves, there is also the matter of the map. Lord Elrond could be helpful with uncovering its secrets.’ And that was another problem. Thorin had not the slightest intention of showing the legacy of his father and grandfather to some poncy elven lord, plus he doubted an elf would be any wiser where dwarven secrets were the concern.

‘Gandalf, could you, for a moment…?’ Bilbo came closer to the two of them but at that moment they ignored her both. ‘I already made myself clear several times and the answer still remains NO.’ Thorin insisted stubbornly, if only for the satisfaction of seeing the irritation that twisted the wizard’s features. ‘Mulishness of dwarves! I had quite enough of it for a day.’ Gandalf turned on his heel, almost knocking still waiting Bilbo to the ground with the sudden movement, and stalked away.

‘Wait, Gandalf, where are you going?’ She demanded and stumbled after him on her shorter legs. ‘I have to seek company of someone still sane for a change.’ Gandalf retorted gruffly, even if it wasn’t Bilbo who riled him up.  ‘And that would be?’ She still had enough patience to ask. ‘Myself, Miss Baggins!’ He huffed and Bilbo stopped in her tracks. ‘You, sane? That’s a good one, Gandalf. I need to talk to you!’ She tried again but to no avail. ‘Bloody damned lot, those wizards, wayward on their better days.’ Bilbo threw her arms up in exasperation and went to help with the dinner instead. Seeing his nephews on her heels again, Thorin sent them to look after the ponies so he didn’t have to spend another evening gritting his teeth upon witnessing the three of them whispering secretively amongst them.

 

It was already dark and the company assembled around the fire to enjoy their dinner, when Bilbo went stiff, then quickly put her half-empty bowl aside and jumped up. ‘The lads! That’s not good at all!’ She exclaimed with anxiousness filling her eyes and darted into the near grove where the ponies were tethered, followed by curious and uncomprehending gazes of the company members. ‘What was that about?’ Dori wondered, exchanging confused looks with Ori. ‘Probably some kind of their stuff. You know they became close as the bark to the tree.’ Bofur shrugged, unconcerned. ‘She could have taken their shares of the stew though when she came that way.’ Bombur seemed unperturbed as well and the group returned to their chattering.

That was until Kíli sprinted into the camp, eyes wide and panting heavily. ‘Trolls! They’ve taken our ponies. Bilbo sent me to get help while she thinks of some kind of plan with Fíli.’ He finally got it out of his chest, leaning forward to catch his breath. After initial hubbub all of the dwarves jumped on their legs and grabbed their weapons. Rushing through the wood and passing by the uprooted trees, Thorin had to overcome the dread pooling in his stomach that his nephew or Bilbo could be so easily hurt by something _that_ big.

 

Creeping in the underbrush towards the source of light – the troll’s camp – that sense of dread only grew and his worries were confirmed when they saw Fíli surrounded by three stone-trolls who were pointing at him with rusty blades and Bilbo, who was apparently… Talking to them? What…? They had to act and quickly. Only before they could come up with some kind of tactics, Kíli ran into the light with furious yell. ‘Don’t worry, Fíli, Bilbo, I’ve got you! You’re safe now!’ He shouted and stabbed one of the stunned trolls into his thick-skinned leg. Of course Thorin and his companions couldn’t do anything else than follow his foolish onslaught.

 

The fight was a mess of flying weapons and bodies as trolls were much higher than them and thus not easily reached with swords and axes. However when it seemed they were close to victory at last, the trolls caught Bilbo, who sneaked towards the enclosure with trapped ponies to set them free again. ‘Lay down yer arms if ya don’t want us rip hers off!’ One of the trolls commanded. Kíli attempted to resist but there couldn’t be anything done, with such a strength the trolls possessed Bilbo would be torn to pieces in a second. And Thorin just couldn’t have that. Reluctantly and with swearing he dropped Deathless and the rest of the company followed the suit.

In no time they were stuffed into dirty, stinky sacks while Bofur, Nori, Dwalin, Ori, Dori and Bifur were tied on a spit and rotated above the fire to be roasted. _‘How could this possibly turn so bad?’_ Thorin mused mournfully while Bilbo led an enraged conversation with Fíli. ‘Fool of a dwarf, why didn’t you wait as I told you?’ She hissed his way, scowling. ‘And you, couldn’t you think before rushing into attack? I had it under control you know!’ Bilbo turned to Kíli. ‘I was going to rescue you.’ Kíli pouted sulkily. ‘Maybe I’m just new to this whole rescuing thing but this, to me, might be considered kind of a step backwards, wouldn’t you say?’ Bilbo uttered sarcastically with eyes narrowed.

 

Meanwhile the trolls were bickering over the way of cooking them. ‘Why bother roasting them, why don’t we just sit on them and squash them into jelly?’ One of them suggested impatiently. ‘No. I’m the cook and I say they will be sautéed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage.’ The other one turning the spit retorted. ‘Sage? You will need more than that to beat that smell. This lot hadn’t bath for days.’ Bilbo in a sack somehow stood up and chimed into the conversation much to Thorin’s confusion. ‘What?! Traitor! You minx!’ The pile of dwarves started shouting with hurt voices. ‘What do ya know of cooking dwarves?’ The troll-cook grumbled gruffly, but the third interrupted. ‘Shut yer cakehole! Let the burrahobit talk.’ And he turned to Bilbo with interest picked.

‘Well, for starters, I would recommend more basil and caraway, but the true secret to cooking dwarves is…’ There Bilbo paused, thinking. ‘Yes? Tell us the secret!’ The troll was now just inches away from her, eager to know. ‘I’m telling you! The secret is tooo… Skin them first!’ She exclaimed with brilliant smile. ‘I won’t forget that!’ Dwain was pointing at Bilbo furiously while Glóin swore to skin her instead. ‘Tom, get me filleting knife.’ The third troll addressed the first one. ‘What a load of rubbish. I eat things all the time with skin and bones and everything. Nothing wrong with a raw dwarf!’ Tom the troll reached for Bombur and opened his ugly mouth to swallow the poor dwarf who was squealing and tossing but in vain.

‘That one’s infected. He has… worms in his intestines. They all are, in fact, riddled with parasites I mean. Disgusting business, I assure you.’ Bilbo said nonchalantly and the troll quickly tossed Bombur back on the pile. If the advice about skinning them first riled the dwarves up, they were now downright raging. ‘Did she say parasites?!’ Óin shouted in disbelief. ‘We don’t have parasites, you’re yourself a parasite!’ Kíli seemed to be deeply wounded by such an accusation. ‘I hate you.’ Bilbo mumbled to herself, but loud enough for Thorin to hear. ‘Are we having the dinner or what? I don’t fancy being turned into stone.’ The troll-cook growled. _‘Of course. Sneaky.’_ Thorin finally understood Bilbo’s plan and kicked Kíli to shut up.

‘It’s true, we do have parasites.’ He said, despite the humiliation of saying something like that. ‘Yes, I have huge parasites!’ Kíli, the natural actor, quickly caught up. ‘I have a parasite as big as my arm!’ Fíli tried to triumph him. ‘And what do ya suppose we do now? Let ya all go? Yer just pulling our leg, that’s it, ya little ferret!’ As stupid as the trolls were, this was a transparent lie. ‘The dawn will take you all!’ Suddenly, out of nowhere, Gandalf appeared and before the trolls realized what was really happening, the sunlight getting through the crack Gandalf’s staff made in the rock turned their skin into stone. And thus they were saved!

 

With a quick overlook Thorin validated to himself Kíli and Fíli were alright and turned to the wizard. ‘Unsavoury business, eh?’ Gandalf tapped one of the fossil trolls with his staff. ‘Still, good to know you all managed to escape in one piece. Save, perhaps, a bit of burned hair.’ Yes, it was a sheer luck in Thorin’s opinion. ‘No thanks to the burglar. Her getting caught was the reason we had to surrender.’ Thorin grumbled, able to be angry now he didn’t have to worry about their lives. ‘Beg your pardon?! I knew what I was doing and everything was just fine until you raided the camp with your stupid war yells and ridiculous blade swinging.’ Bilbo appeared next to Thorin as if she just formed out of thin air. ‘Idiotic dwarves who don’t think for a mere second!’ She huffed, shot him last glare and stomped away again.

Thorin wanted to oppose but a look he received from Gandalf clearly suggested dropping the subject for the moment. ‘Since when do trolls wander so south?’ He asked the wizard instead. ‘They didn’t for a long time. Not since the darker forces ruled these lands. Something lured them down from the Ettenmoors.’ Gandalf frowned, his wrinkles clearly showing something concerned him. ‘They couldn’t move in daylight. There must be a cave nearby!’ Thorin realized and soon the company spread in search of the troll hideout.

 

Coming to the cave, the entrance was barred with a huge boulder. ‘There’s a keyhole. I’m afraid there’s no way getting in unless we have the key.’ Nori informed them promptly after inspecting it briefly. ‘Like this one?’ A key appeared on Bilbo’s palm as she smirked smugly. ‘Where did you…?’ The former thief gaped at her with wonder. ‘Well, I’m a burglar, am I not?’ She handed him the key with a shrug. Turning the lock the boulder moved aside and they could walk in. The place was filled with dust, cobwebs and troll smell.

While Nori, Glóin and Bofur busied themselves in burying gold found inside, Thorin spotted a stack of weapons. Good weapons were always of use. In particular, two swords drew his attention. ‘Those blades are very old, forged in Gondolin, by High elves at the first age. Curious, very curious indeed to find them at such a place.’ Gandalf was genuinely surprised. At the mention of the elves Thorin’s face twisted with disgust on its own accord and Gandalf frowned sternly. ‘It is an exceedingly fine blade. You couldn’t wish for better.’ He reprimanded and inspected closer the one Thorin handed him. Following his example, Thorin drew the one in his hands out of its scabbard. Truth to be told, it _was_ a good sword, beautiful almost, even though made by the pointy-eared tree-shaggers.

‘Let us leave this foul place.’ Thorin decided after a while of lingering and prompted his companions to get out of the cave. ‘Here, Bilbo. This sword should be about your size.’ Thorin noticed Gandalf giving Bilbo a blade as well. ‘It’s my size because it was someone’s dagger before.’ Bilbo raised one brow and unsheathed the knife. ‘It looks fine but I fail to see what shall do with it. I never wielded a sword in my life.’ Despite what she said, she held the little sword perfectly though. Perhaps she was a natural talent. ‘Remember this advice of mine, true courage is about knowing not when to take a life but when to spare one.’ Gandalf smiled at her warmly and patted her shoulder. ‘Yep, pity not more creatures know of this concept.’ Bilbo grumbled lowly.

 

‘Something’s coming!’ Dwalin suddenly alerted and everyone quickly prepared their weapons. Thorin couldn’t miss that despite being yelled at by Bilbo previously, his nephews immediately glued themselves to her sides to protect her. But she, instead of putting her newly acquired weapon into use, just turned to the wizard and said something in elvish. The only word Thorin understood was _istari,_ the word elves used for members of the wizards’ order. Gandalf relaxed again and sheathed his sword. ‘I suggest we moved back to our camp and gather our belongings.’ He said to everyone’s bewilderment but they did so.

Walking to the camp in quick pace, something neared the group of them in the underbrush and a sledge hauled by rabbits burst out of the bushes. ‘Thiefs! Fire! Murder!’ A queer looking man in brown robes with a weird hat on his head and bird poop in his hair yelled, looking around indistinctly. ‘Radagast the Brown. What on earth are you doing here?’ Gandalf made towards the strange fellow. The fact the man was clutching a staff with a crystal on top of it and that Thorin heard mentions of the name before, he was clearly a wizard as well. But more disconcerting than his appearance and weird behaviour was that Bilbo apparently _knew_ it was him coming. How…?

 

They finally reached the camp and quickly gathered their belongings while Radagast was muttering with Gandalf about some wizard stuff. ‘I know what this is. A relict of Mordor.’ Thorin heard Bilbo say to the wizards with tight voice when Radagast produced a bundle out of his robes. ‘Are you absolutely sure, my friend?’ That expression on Gandalf’s face spoke of deep trouble. ‘It belonged to the Witch King, I’m positive about that.’ Bilbo reached out to touch it but an inch close she quickly pulled her hand away as if burned. 

‘Gandalf, is that the one you told me about?’ Radagast motioned with his staff towards Bilbo. ‘Yes, you are. I see it clearly. The one touched by… witchcraft. Black magic.’ The brown wizard said with a grave voice. _‘What the hell are they talking about?’_ Thorin didn’t get the sense of this exchange. And Bilbo looked thoroughly haunted when he searched for her eyes and they locked together. But she quickly snapped out of it and the guilt switched into panic. ‘Gandalf. A pack just crossed the range. League away, nearing quickly. We must flee, there’s too many.’ She demanded with pressing urgency.

‘How can you know something like that? I don’t understand a thing!’ Thorin had enough of this uncanny business. ‘No time to explain, get on the ponies or else we will be all tore up by wargs.’ Her eyes turned pleading. ‘Do as she says, you shall have your answers when we are at a safe place.’ Gandalf nodded firmly and hurried to his own steed. A few minutes later Gandalf led them across the plains, ponies galloping wildly, and Radagast on his sledge accompanied them as well. And true enough, sinister howling of the wargs not far behind could be heard very soon. If the trolls were bad, this was downright gruesome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I am SO taken aback by the response to the first chapter! You deserve a picture for it. See it [here](https://malazuzu22.tumblr.com/post/156005942271/what-did-i-say-oh-my-this-makes-me-cackle) (:
> 
> For real, I kept gaping at the amount of kudos and reads and your lovely comments, you brought me so much joy! I can only hope second chapter is satisfactory too. (: Don't be shy asking questions if you have any or giving me ideas of what you would like to happen! Thank you very much for your attention. <3


	3. Chapter 3 - Rivendell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Sindarin ahead, glossary is at the end notes.

Considering how relatively peaceful their journey was so far, Bilbo should probably expect things go south. Because that was just her luck. She knew of the trolls the moment they stopped by the ruined farmhouse. They were far enough not to be too concerned but still, warning at least the wizard couldn’t hurt anybody. Only the old man got crossed with Thorin again and refused to hear her out. Concentrating on her dinner Bilbo let the subject drop but with the sun setting behind the hills, trolls came out of their hideout. Now it was a problem. And with the boys in the forest… Bilbo didn’t want to think of all the possible scenarios. But even if she allowed her mind wander towards possibilities, the real outcome of the situation would never occur her anyway.

When she got to the clearing where the ponies were tied, Kíli and Fíli were standing there with eyes wide and faces desperate. ‘Bilbo! Appearing right on cue. We have encountered a slight problem.’ Fíli stammered out. ‘We were supposed to look after the ponies. Only… Two are missing. Daisy and Bungo.’ Under different circumstances Bilbo would have a laugh that a fluffy pony had the same name as her father, but not now. ‘As our official burglar, perhaps you could take a look at it?’ Kíli asked uncertainly. ‘Trolls, that much I can say for sure. We need to tread carefully, they may be utterly stupid, but not to be trifled with.’ Bilbo explained and quickly pulled the boys to the nearest bush when a huge troll appeared between the trees.

They watched as the giant thing grabbed another two ponies, stuffing them under his arms like they weren’t more than stuffed toys. ‘Not Myrtle and Minty! My good old pony doesn’t deserve the fate of being eaten and I cannot imagine Thorin would be very thrilled about his steed being grilled over the fire.’ Bilbo cursed and motioned the lads to follow her as she crept behind the troll. Soon they saw the light of the campfire. To her relief, all the ponies were still intact, even though scared out of their wits. ‘We need to save them.’ Fíli said what was pretty much clear. ‘Shouldn’t we tell Thorin?’ Bilbo suggested alerting the others. ‘No, he would have our heads for not being able to as much as keep an eye on our ponies.’ Kíli winced, obviously imagining another dressing down by his uncle.

‘You are small, what if you sneaked in and set the ponies free? The trolls won’t notice you.’ He suggested instead. ‘You don’t mean it for real, right? They _surely_ won’t notice at all that their dinner is suddenly galloping away. And they would _never_ follow them into the forest to capture them again.’ Bilbo gave Kíli a side eye. ‘No, we need to get rid of the trolls. You go tell the others, me and Fíli will think of something meanwhile.’ She decided firmly and another challenging look silenced any protests the dark-haired dwarf meant to voice. ‘Alright, stay safe. We’ll be back as soon as possible.’ And after a quick hug which enclosed both Bilbo and Fíli in his arms at once he bolted into the darkness of the trees.

 

‘So, how are we going to proceed?’ Being a few years older than Kíli, Fíli was more reasonable of the two and right now seemed ready to obey Bilbo’s commands. ‘Direct attack is a no-go. Troll’s hide is thick and not easily pierced. Plus their strength is brutish. But I think they are cooking some kind of grog out there.’ Bilbo was thinking out loud while the trolls complained about eating mutton every day. ‘Then what do you suggest?’ Fíli was rather impatient. ‘Perhaps we could poison them. Do you know how nightshade looks like? Or lily of the valley?’ The blank look Fíli gave her spoke volumes. ‘Alright, follow me.’ Bilbo sighed as they crept a bit far not to be heard accidentally and started searching. ‘Nightshade could be easily mistaken for blueberries. Only those berries would kill you if you ate just a few of them. Here we go.’ Bilbo found what she was looking for and harvested the berries off the plant.

‘Be careful not to squash them. And by any chance do not lick your fingers.’ She gave him about twenty berries and searched for the other plant. ‘Ah, here they are. Pretty little things, aren’t they?’ Bilbo plucked a few leaves and even the blossoms and showed them to Fíli as well. ‘They look so delicate.’ The blonde observed. ‘And yet they are very much deadly too.’ Bilbo made for the camp outskirts again followed closely by Fíli. ‘Here’s the plan. I go in and distract the trolls, you wait for my signal. As soon as you hear me hoot twice like a barn owl and once like a brown owl, you will creep into the camp and poison the contents of the pot. Understood?’ Upon a dubious nod Bilbo squeezed Fíli’s shoulder encouragingly, braced herself and marched straight into the middle of the camp.

 

‘That’s lovely, a floater.’ One of the trolls commented when another sneezed and contents of his nose flew into the pot. ‘Might improve the flavour!’ The third laughed. Truly, trolls were just disgusting. ‘A little appreciation would be nice. Lovely stew, Bert. How hard is that?’ The first grumbled. ‘Good evening.’ Bilbo chirped, trying not to grimace because of the smell oozing from them. Three trolls immediately turned to her. ‘What is it?’ Bert the cook wondered. ‘I don’t know. Looks like a squirrel. Barely a mouthful.’ The second, apparently youngest, scratched his bald head. ‘I’m a bur…hobbit.’ Bilbo quickly corrected herself.

‘A burrahobbit? Are there any others running about the forest? Might be enough for a pie!’ Third one made a few steps towards Bilbo. _‘Stupid trolls, their skulls are so thick!’_ Bilbo cursed mentally while trying to get into their heads. She jumped aside so the troll wouldn’t catch her. ‘Now that’s terribly rude to grab someone just like that.’ Bilbo inclined her head with disapproving look. _‘Sweet Yavanna, they ate the unfortunate farmer and his family…’_ Bilbo finally reached Bert’s mind. ‘We grab and eat whatever we want!’ Youngest troll shouted and reached for her but Bert – now dominated by Bilbo – smacked his head with a ladle.

‘We ain’t gonna eat this one, Tom!’ Bert yelled at astonished other two. ‘Why not, it would make a nice appetizer.’ Tom threw his hands up. Bilbo had to concentrate a lot as operating something _that_ big drained lots of energy. Trolls started fighting but they were still too near to the pot so Bilbo waited for the right opportunity to call Fíli. Only the dwarf apparently wouldn’t wait any longer as he appeared on the other side of the camp. He managed to get to the pot undiscovered and successfully put the poisonous plants in it but he had to also get back to the treeline. Bilbo could only swear colourfully when Fíli stomped on a stick and made cracking noise, revealing himself. Poor lad was surrounded by the trolls quickly and momentary lose of focus caused losing control even of Bert.

 

‘Look, there’s another. The filthy little burrahobbit was lying!’ Rusty blades were pointing at Fíli and Bilbo had enough. _‘There’s no other way, I only hope Fíli won't be too shocked.’_ She firmly closed her eyes to gather rest of her willpower. ‘Surrender my will!’ As Bilbo stroke the ground with her palm, the camp darkened and the only source illuminating the place for the fleeting moment was green dim light that emitted from her eyes. It was but a second but it worked. ‘Thank Eru!’ Bilbo wiped her sweaty forehead as everything went back to normal. Fíli was gaping at her with fright but three trolls stopped and turned to her with blank expressions.

‘You will now taste your own grog and leave the dwarf alone.’ Bilbo commanded in a firm voice. ‘Come on, Bill. Wrap you laughing gear around that!’ Bert filled the ladle with the grog and it was almost done. Only Kíli sprinted into the camp followed by a troop of dwarves and they spoiled everything. With such a distraction Bilbo lost control of the trolls again and the fight erupted. With the previous exertion any attempts for dominating the trolls again were out of question. It was luck she later managed to delay the trolls long enough so Gandalf could save them all. The wizard didn’t ask what went wrong and even though Fíli was sending her fearful glances, he thankfully didn’t demand any explanation either (which was a real surprise).

 

And now the brown wizard let his tongue slip, Thorin wanted his answers and there was a pack of orcs riding wargs on their heels. Seriously, when things went bad, it was sure they would hit rock bottom. ‘I’ll try to lead them away, or at least some of them.’ Radagast shouted at Gandalf, who for a moment looked pained. ‘They will catch you and kill you. Do not put yourself in such a risk.’ He shouted back. ‘Catch me? These are Rhosgobel rabbits, Gandalf. I’d like to see them try.’ And with a wink he turned another way and truly, about third of the pack split and followed the wizard. But that still left them with more than sixteen wargs mounted by blood-lust orcs. Bilbo didn’t have the stomach to count exact numbers.

‘They are getting near. Kíli, come with me to the back of the group. Miss Baggins, you too. We need archers to shoot as many as possible before they reach us.’ Thorin barked a command and Bilbo with Kíli exchanged reassuring nod. Bilbo was a bit surprised Thorin used a bow as well, especially with hearing the dwarves grumbling about bow being _too elvish_ weapon, but it was only for the better now. _‘Perhaps I could…’_ Bilbo considered trying to dominate at least one of the wargs to attack others and cause a bit of chaos, but then she wouldn’t be able to fully concentrate on the archery so she dismissed the thought again.

‘Myrtle, you know what to do.’ Bilbo instead told the reliable pony as she let go of the reins and skilfully turned herself backwards in the saddle. ‘What are you doing?’ Thorin yelled uncomprehendingly. ‘Well, I need to see them properly.’ Bilbo retorted as she drew an arrow and nocked it. ‘They are still too far, do not waste any arrows.’ Kíli demanded with urgency as the pack was but a few blurs on the horizon. ‘You think so? Watch this.’ Bilbo smirked as she concentrated on the exact position of the beast and released. Several moments later pained howl reached their ears and first warg of the group fell to the ground, throwing its rider.

‘Awesome!’ Kíli’s eyes were of the size of the saucers and even Thorin looked impressed. Bilbo had to admit she was cheating a little, giving the arrow a bit more speed so it would fly the distance and split the skull, but who cared at the moment. As the ponies started to get tired however, the pack was quickly nearing. Bilbo managed to slay another one before Kíli and Thorin were confident enough to shoot as well. They reduced the numbers to eleven when the wargs merged with the group and started snapping jaws on the beasts and their riders, but the dwarves swung their axes, mattocks and swords with grace and deadly precision.

 

Bilbo took care to eliminate archers so no one would get hurt by a stray arrow when she felt it. ‘I have no idea how the elves happen to know of us, but it’s Lord Elrond coming our way.’ Bilbo shouted towards Thorin, whose face darkened, but upon realization the elves came to their aid he didn’t question again how she knew and kept his remarks about elves to himself. Soon enough the horns of the elves could be heard. ‘Fíli!’ Bilbo could hear Ori yelp and over her shoulder she could see how one of the orcs caught the lad’s leg and threw him off his pony, down to the ground. Without second of thinking, Bilbo jumped off Myrtle to his aid.

‘You are going to die now, dwarf filth!’ The orc mounted on a warg sneered as Fíli couldn’t reach his sword knocked out of his hand. ‘Not bloody likely!’ Bilbo shot the orc right through the skull and quickly got into the beasts head. Maintaining wargs was fairly easy. ‘Come on, stand up! We are too vulnerable on the ground.’ She helped Fíli up to his legs and mounted the warg. ‘What are you waiting for? Get on, quick!’ Bilbo urged when Fíli showed understandable hesitancy. ‘I don’t know what your tricks are but I would need an explanation later.’ Fíli mumbled behind her as he sat on the warg’s back and held around her waist for support.

‘I need to keep focus on the beast, you are going to defend us.’ Bilbo instructed the lad who hummed in response and clashed his sword with an orc who came close to them. Only now Bilbo registered surprised and astonished cries of the company upon seeing the two of them on a warg. With reassuring glance that Myrtle was still beside Minty even without her, Bilbo turned the warg so Fíli had better angle to kill the orc threatening them. By that time the elves reached the group and with as many archers there was amongst them the fight was soon over.

‘What about this one?’ Fíli asked when they dismounted the smelly beast, which was just patiently waiting like a dog for its master’s command now. ‘We kill it too. I don’t have any intention of keeping a pet.’ Bilbo decided and Fíli bore his sword into its heart while others gathered around them. ‘Blimey, if I ever thought nothing could surprise me, I take it back. Seeing a hobbit riding a warg, that’s something to tell next generations about!’ Bofur exclaimed with disbelieving grin. His hat was a bit sideways and there were splatters of black blood on his face but otherwise he looked fine.

 

‘Are you out of your mind? That was incredibly risky act from your part! Are you all right?’ Thorin was down his pony in a second, examining Fíli thoroughly. ‘We are just fine.’ Bilbo shrugged with a sheepish look, aware it was a bit of a gamble she just performed. What surprised her a lot was when Thorin proceeded to examine her for any injuries too. ‘What the hell, get your hands off me!’ Bilbo tried to push his hands back but to no avail, she only gained a glare for her efforts. Thorin wouldn’t step back until he was sure Bilbo was (relatively) unharmed. ‘Ridiculous dwarf.’ She huffed and straightened her tunic.

‘I suggest we leave before another pack comes upon us.’ Lord Elrond looked down at them from the height of his horse and with a possibility of another ambush they quickly got into the saddles. ‘Mae govannen, Lord Elrond.’ Bilbo smiled at the elven lord as soon as she was high enough to properly look him in the eyes. ‘Glass nín le achened, Bilbo Baggins.’ Lord Elrond returned a small smile of his own. ‘Couldn’t you speak in a language all of us understand?’ Thorin expressed his displeasure next to Bilbo.

‘We were only exchanging greetings with Bilbo. And I offer my greetings to you as well, Thorin, son of Thrain. Should you want, you will be welcomed in Rivendell to get rest and refuge until the roads are safe again.’ Lord Elrond said warmly and Thorin’s face turned into impenetrable façade showing no emotions. ‘Thorin, I think it would be wise to accept the help that is graciously offered.’ Balin warily voiced his opinion and as Thorin scanned the group, they all looked like they could use a bit of well-deserved rest at last. ‘Alright. We thank you and accept your offer.’ Thorin gritted through his teeth reluctantly and Bilbo could see he tried very hard not to squirm with resentment.

 

Bilbo spent the relatively short journey to Rivendell listening to the conversation between Gandalf and Lord Elrond about what the wizard was up to all the time Elrond didn’t see him (it turned out Gandalf was in Gondor and Harad recently) in a soft Sindarin, occasionally chiming into the conversation to ask a curious question – who wouldn’t ask about oliphaunts? All the way Thorin was glowering as if she was telling the elven lord all the deepest secrets of dwarves, but he didn’t say anything. In fact, all of the dwarves were suspiciously quiet around the elves. _‘Unreasonable grudges…’_ She sighed to herself, looking forward to the view from her favourite balcony, the library of Imladris and a soft mattress to sleep on for a change. She would certainly welcome the bath and bed with open arms after recent happenings.

The courtyard of Imladris was still the same as Bilbo remembered and blissful peacefulness breathed at her from every tree, every pillar or statue. Her dwarven companions were frowning at her something fiercely for the delighted grin that she wasn’t able to wipe from her face but Bilbo couldn’t care less. ‘Mithrandir. Lastannem i athrannedh i Vruinen.’ Lindir descended the stairs with inviting smile. ‘Ah, Bilbo. Mae athollen.’ He inclined his head in recognition. Bilbo bowed back and Lindir focused on the dwarves. It didn’t escape Bilbo’s attention how he slightly wrinkled his nose at sight of them and she couldn’t help but chuckle.

‘Nartho i noer, toltho i viruvor. Boe i annam vann a nethail vin.’ Lord Elrond said to Lindir and motioned to the group. ‘What is he saying, is he offending us?’ Glóin looked ready to bury his axe into nearest elven skull and Bilbo winced. ‘You understood, do care to elaborate.’ Thorin growled her way. ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Lord Elrond commanded a feast to be prepared for us.’ Bilbo rolled her eyes to emphasize how stupid they all were right now. ‘Oh. Well, in that case, lead on.’ Glóin grunted, visibly placated. ‘If you followed me this way? I would show you to your accommodation.’ Lindir said with only faint resentment while Gandalf and Elrond somehow vanished. _‘I feel like this stay won’t be very peaceful.’_ Bilbo sighed to herself when dwarves started grumbling in their own language between themselves, but they followed Lindir nonetheless.

 

₪₪₪

 

Elves. Elves all around them, in those opulent fancy robes of theirs, talking in that loathsome language of theirs. It was unnerving Thorin, he hated when he didn’t know what was being said. And that dratted halfling, who gave him such a scare not so long ago when she jumped in the middle of the warg pack like they were just a bunch of puppies, understood and didn’t care to translate anything. He would have to ask later and hope she wouldn’t lie to him. Right now they were being showed to their rooms and Bilbo chattered with dark haired elf-male called Lin-something, Thorin didn’t care that much about his name.

Thorin got his own room, just like Bilbo – and apparently it was a room she stayed in before – while everyone else had to share. Not that they would mind that much. There was no time for a proper bath but they could make themselves a bit more presentable.  Not for impressing the elves, mind you, but washing down the orc blood and changing into fresh clothes was rather necessary. Coming out of his room to the hall Thorin saw Bilbo laughing with two identical elven males in one of the alcoves. Apparently she had many friends in here. As far as he was concerned it was unusual for the hobbits to leave the Shire, but Bilbo seemed familiar with the place (and to his mild annoyance she seemed to like it very much judging by her overjoyed expression).

The twins stood up and bowed lightly when they spotted him. ‘We are to accompany you to the feast when you’re ready.’ One of them explained with now much more stern face. ‘I’ll alert the others.’ Thorin nodded and quickly gathered the company. Fíli and Kíli immediately plastered themselves to Bilbo’s sides when they spotted two elves, sending them hostile glares. Bilbo just shrugged and exchanged a look with the twins that obviously only they understood and the two snickered and led the way.

 

Thorin was sat at the table with Gandalf and the elven lord while other company members had their own table. He would prefer to be seated with his kin but when he thought about it, elves probably just wanted to acknowledge he was still a king and leader of the company, which was after all acceptable. To his relief, it was mainly Gandalf who maintained the conversation with Elrond so Thorin wasn’t forced into many pleasantries. He even took care to take a look at the weapons found in the troll cave. ‘This is Orcrist, Goblin-cleaver. Though should you encounter any goblins, they would probably call it Biter. It is well known and feared amongst them. May it serve you well.’ Elrond handed him the blade back and Thorin inclined his head.

‘This one is Glamdring, Foe-hammer. Beater amongst goblins. This sword belonged to the king Turgon of Gondolin. Very fine blade. Where did you find them?’ The elf started subtly asking questions and Gandalf was stupid enough to mention Great East Road. Thorin had to excuse himself and went towards the balcony railing. That moment his dwarves had apparently just enough of the harps and flutes as Bofur jumped on the table and started singing. No other song that _blasted_ Man on the moon, enthusiastically accompanied by all of the company. Thorin would have shouted at them if it wasn’t for the shocked expressions of the elves, mainly when the dwarves started tossing food around.

It wasn’t until later after dinner when the elves held entertainment in one of the rooms that Thorin had to voice his anger again. ‘Look at her, palling with those pointy-eared traitors. And they seem to be utterly smitten with her.’ He growled towards Balin, eyeing Bilbo who was sitting with the twins from before. ‘You can hardly hold against her being nice to someone she obviously befriended before she even met us.’ Balin pointed out. ‘And right now she’s providing us disguise. As long as the elves are focused on her, they won’t pose uncomfortable questions regarding the quest.’ Balin continued as the elves urged Bilbo to sing them a song.

‘I don’t know any songs I haven’t already sung to you.’ Bilbo opposed weakly. ‘Come on, I know you can make something on spot. It doesn’t have to be long.’ A blond-haired male needled her. ‘Alright, alright. But only because it’s you, Glorfindel.’ Bilbo resigned and stood up. She closed her eyes for a while and her brows furrowed with thinking. Then she opened her plump lips and began.

 

_Home is behind_

_The world ahead_

_And there are many paths to thread_

_Through shadow_

_To the edge of night_

_Until the stars are all alight_

_Mist and shadow,_

_Cloud and shade_

_All shale fade_

_All shall_

_Fade_

 

There was stunned silence for a few seconds when the song ended. It was so incredibly sad and even Bilbo looked pained while she was singing. ‘That was beautiful, my friend. As always, you prove us your talents. Do I have your permission to translate it into our language?’ Glorfindel finally spoke, accompanied by agreeing hums of other present elves. ‘Of course you can, mellon nín. Will you excuse me for a moment?’ Bilbo smiled faintly and left the room. Thorin felt sudden urge to follow her but considering it would look too suspicious he waited at least until the next poem was recited (and as much as elves were praised for their taste in poetry and songs, this piece was thoroughly dull in his opinion).

 

Thorin found Bilbo sitting on a bench in a nearby garden. As he didn’t know what to say, he just sat down next to her and started stuffing his pipe. ‘Very nice song. Do you compose many?’ He said after a while when Bilbo didn’t seem to mind his presence. ‘Sometimes. My mother was better though.’ Bilbo said at length. ‘I noticed you live by yourself.’ Thorin threaded carefully. ‘Yes, she passed away some seven years ago. She was never the same after father’s death.’ Bilbo said hollowly, looking into the distance. ‘I’m sorry.’ Thorin offered. ‘Thank you. I still miss them dearly but I’m fine now.’ She glanced at him with a doleful smile.

‘I miss my parents too. Mother died during the attack on the Mountain and father…’ Thorin trailed off. ‘I went looking for him at many places, but found no trace of him. Still, I believe he’s alive. I know it in my heart.’ He looked at the unlit pipe as he said more than he meant. ‘I would trust your instincts and kept hopeful.’ Bilbo put a reassuring hand on his arm and the sadness in her features was replaced with understanding. ‘You may be the first person to ever tell me this. Everyone keeps advising me to let go.’ Thorin admitted quietly, glad for the strange companionship. ‘Everyone should afford themselves to hope sometimes, even if the hope is foolish.’ Bilbo spoke softly and turned her eyes to the night sky.

She was gorgeous in the moonlight, eyes mirroring the sparking stars above them and Thorin had to resist the urge to caress those rosy pink cheeks with his thumbs and kiss her. ‘What are your hopes then?’ Thorin focused on the stars instead. ‘There are many things I wish would never happened. But the fate is not for us to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.’ She paused there for a moment. ‘Right now I hope you will come to me later this night if I invite you.’ And the cheeky hobbit was back. ‘And am I invited?’ Thorin inquired conscious of the sudden raspiness of his voice. He obtained a considering look and then a coy wink before Bilbo stood up and went back inside.

 

Thorin wasn’t sure what he felt when he later knocked on Bilbo’s door. He was somehow giddy and filled with hopeful expectations but he also wanted to bolt the moment the door opened and she let him in. She had the hearth burning and lighting the room the otherwise darkened room. ‘Do you want some wine?’ She turned to him from the table. ‘Please.’ Thorin croaked. _‘Get your grip, you’re acting as if you were just a tween.’_ He shook his head and accepted the cup from her. Bilbo sat down onto the sofa and motioned Thorin to sit beside her.

‘So, you… You wanted to talk or…?’ Thorin stammered out as Bilbo regarded him expectantly. ‘I don’t know. Do _you_ want to talk?’ She tilted her head with amused smile. ‘Yes. But not now.’ He looked at her unsurely. ‘Then how would you want to spend the night?’ Bilbo leaned closer, peering at him from under her lashes. It was easier than Thorin expected to close the distance between them and plant a kiss at those lips he wished to thoroughly ravish for so long. Bilbo responded eagerly and passionately, releasing terribly arousing moan as she parted her lips for Thorin’s tongue. Her hand slid to the nape of his neck, fingers tangled into his hair, while Thorin cupped her jaw just like he previously imagined.

‘Maybe we should move over there.’ Bilbo stood up and moved onto the bed. Thorin hesitated just a second before he was upon her again, more insistent this time. ‘I see our little conversation by the pool let impressions on you.’ Bilbo chuckled when he moved from her lips to her jaw and slowly on the neck. ‘You have _no idea_.’ Thorin growled and grazed his teeth across the soft skin of her throat, making her shudder. ‘I think you have too much clothes on you.’ Bilbo abruptly sat and started undressing him, an action Thorin gladly reciprocated. There was a moment he couldn’t decipher how that stupid corset was laced down and she had to do it herself, but her laugh wasn’t a bit mocking.

 

Soon enough Bilbo threw his tunic onto the ground and fumbled with the buckle of his belt while she took his nipple into her mouth, sucking and licking. Thorin breathed in sharply and closed his eyes. ‘I need you to help me there.’ Bilbo released his nipple with a soft chuckle and Thorin lay onto his back so she could pull the breeches down. ‘You’re… Big.’ Bilbo commented with a considering look at his cock. Suddenly all naked, Thorin felt in disadvantage and so he brought her up again to seal their lips in wet and tongue-y kiss as he tugged her tunic up. Bilbo broke the kiss to pull the tunic over her head and positioned herself so she straddled his lap.

‘I think I expressed my permission to touch them quite clearly.’ Her lips curled up with coy smile and that was all he needed to know. He rolled them so Bilbo was trapped under him again and kissed his way down to her breasts. ‘You’re beautiful.’ He murmured as he seared hot kisses into her skin, thrilled by the shudders and sighs Bilbo responded with. ‘Oh, flatterer. Hurry up and undress me already.’ A snicker escaped her lips as she urged him. No need to tell Thorin obliged readily. The hair between her legs was the same shade as everywhere else, just shorter than he would expect from the fur on her feet. ‘It’s more comfortable to keep it trimmed.’ Bilbo explained with a shrug as she guessed his thoughts.

Thorin continued his ministrations on her chest, exploring her with both lips and tongue, slowly moving down to her stomach. Almost in her lap, he stopped. ‘Can I…?’ He asked for permission to be on the safe side. ‘If you want to…’ Bilbo trailed off, flushed delightfully. He started a bit uncertainly, with light kisses, but quickly gave in to his instincts and added the tongue. From the choked moan Bilbo released he knew this was the right way. Before he knew it, Bilbo was pressing a phial with oily liquid into his palm. Thorin dutifully opened it and dipped his fingers with the fluid generously before he trailed his index finger to her entrance.

 

‘Oh, not this one. We don’t want any… Unfortunate consequences.’ Bilbo guided his hand even lower, to her other hole. _‘This one will be even tighter.’_ Thorin bit his tongue as his cock twitched eagerly. Bilbo noticed and wrapped her fingers around his shaft, stroking him gently. Now he had to stretch her _quickly._ He rounded the muscles around her entrance with his finger, drawing another sigh out of her, and eased his way in, gently but firmly preparing her. _‘I need to make her stop jerking me off or else it will be over with the first thrust.’_ Thorin thought to himself as he carefully removed Bilbo’s hand off his cock and went down to play with her with his tongue while he dared to add second finger.

Bilbo was now releasing almost obscene moans, sweet music for Thorin’s mind. She tasted delightfully under him, moving in time to meet his fingers and tugging his hair almost painfully. By the time Thorin added third finger Bilbo had to bite her forearm not to scream. ‘Stop teasing, take me already!’ She tugged his hair and content with the preparation Thorin kneeled and spread some more oil onto his cock before he griped her hip firmly and guided himself in. He felt weird combination of nervousness and feeling like nothing was ever more right when he slid into her and Bilbo bored her nails into his chest with a cry.

Thorin was careful from the beginning, restraining himself to keep the thrusts shallow so he wouldn’t hurt her. ‘Mahal help me, you’re so tight.’ He huffed out as he leaned down to kiss her. ‘Don’t be so afraid, go deeper.’ Bilbo answered and bit his neck. And so he did with a groan of his own. _‘This won’t last much longer.’_ Thorin closed his eyes, focusing on the thrusts. Bilbo suddenly grasped his hand and guided it back into her lap. ‘Could you, with your thumb…?’ She expressed her wish between pants. As Thorin obliged, Bilbo’s moans increased in volume and she was meeting his thrusts hardly, taking him in to the base.

Soon Bilbo released a cry as she came and as her muscles tightened around Thorin impossibly, it took him but a few thrusts to spend himself with a cry of his own. Thorin tried not to collapse on her and crush her smaller form when he carefully pulled out and slumped beside her. ‘That was… great.’ Bilbo purred in between the deep breaths and she cuddled to his side. ‘You think so? It was my first time so…’ Thorin turned to her with concern. ‘Wait, what?’ Bilbo quickly propped herself on elbow and searched his face for any trace of joking. ‘You are my first.’ Thorin repeated with cheeks burning.

‘Oh, you could have said something. Well, I certainly wouldn’t guess.’ Bilbo lay her head back down onto his shoulder. ‘When I was younger, I had a few… interests, but nothing too serious that would cross few kisses. And after the dragon… I had too many responsibilities to think about such things.’ Thorin elaborated, caressing her back with his fingertips. ‘I see.’ Bilbo stifled a yawn, all soft and limp in his arms. ‘I also decided to leave it for the right person. My One.’ He almost whispered into her hair. ‘What is it?’ Bilbo mumbled sleepily. ‘The One, I mean.’ She yawned again. ‘It… I will tell you later.’ Thorin kissed her forehead and threw the cover over them. ‘Good night, agyâdê.’ He pulled her closer and Bilbo only mewled in response, already asleep.

 

₪₪₪

 

Thorin left Bilbo’s room early before sunrise careful not to wake her so no one would see him. He was sure she wouldn’t appreciate if others knew. Well, if they didn’t hear her scream anyway. During the evening Gandalf somehow manhandled him into showing the map to Lord Elrond and the elf detected moon runes on the parchment. He told him however, that they would have to wait until Midsummer’s Eve to be able to read them, which was in three days. As that was still acceptable delay, Thorin warily agreed.

It was a bit suspicious neither Bilbo nor Fíli appeared for breakfast. As Thorin went to look for them, he heard them in one of the halls. ‘Can I trust you with this?’ He recognized Bilbo’s voice, carefully hushed. Something told him not to reveal himself and so he observed them from behind the pillar. ‘Yes, I’ll keep it to myself for now. It will be our secret. But we should tell him at suitable time, he has the right to know.’ Fíli was standing close to Bilbo, looking her right into the eye. ‘You’re right. Thank you.’ Bilbo tiptoed to kiss Fíli’s cheek before his nephew enclosed his arms around her firmly. They disentangled after a while and headed together towards the place where the food was served.

Thorin’s head was spinning. _‘What was that about? Why did she kiss him? What secret do they have? They should say what to whom?’_ His mind was full of thoughts and he felt an unpleasant mixture of confusion, anger and jealously. Thorin decided he would corner Bilbo about it and also to get his still promised answers about Bilbo’s weird premonitions. But that turned out to be rather difficult as Bilbo did her best to avoid him. And considering she knew Rivendell much better than him, she was escaping him for maddening _three days_. Often even any of his nephews couldn’t be found and Thorin only assumed they were with her.

 

He finally managed to catch her during dinner. ‘Are you evading me on purpose?’ He dragged her aside and hissed at her angrily. ‘I’m not. It’s not my fault you don’t ever venture into the library.’ She frowned back with arms crossed defiantly. ‘I thought… I mean we…’ Thorin didn’t know how to express himself. ‘I made my claim on you. Why did you kiss Fíli then?’ Jealousy took hold of him.  ‘What… Claim? What are you talking about? We had sex, that’s all. I never promised you I would bind myself to you. And you are spying on me?’ Bilbo now looked downright stormy, visibly restraining from yelling and causing a scene.

‘This mark on your neck, it’s my mark.’ Thorin insisted stubbornly. ‘That,’ Bilbo angrily jabbed at the bruise, ‘is just a hickey. I had no idea you dwarves are so terribly possessive. But let me be crystal clear here, I’m not something you can own.’ She gritted through her teeth, fists clenched so tightly her knuckles were white. ‘And any business with Fíli is my own so keep your big nose out of it.’ She finished with eyes narrowed to just thin lines. Thorin’s rage was boiling and he had to bite his tongue not to start cursing.

 

‘I hate to interrupt anything, but Thorin, it’s time to see the map. I suggest taking Bilbo along.’ Gandalf chimed into their conversation with twitching corners. Both him and Bilbo huffed in irritation but followed the wizard. Thorin also took Balin with them as his trusted advisor. Lord Elrond was already waiting for them by the huge clear quartz in the middle of the carved cliff. ‘Thorin, give the map to Lord Elrond.’ Gandalf said solemnly, as if this was a big moment. And it was in a way. Hopefully the map would show them now how to get into the Mountain.

Lord Elrond put the map onto the crystal table and as the moonlight shone through it, letters slowly appeared. ‘It’s ancient dwarvish.’ The elf explained Thorin upon seeing his confused face. ‘Do not be too troubled with not understanding, not many can read it nowadays. I’m much older than you.’ He offered Thorin encouraging smile and concentrated to the runes. ‘Stand by the grey stone when the thrush knocks, and the setting sun with the last light of Durin’s Day will shine upon a key-hole.’ Lord Elrond translated the text and turned to the dwarves expectantly.

‘Durin’s Day? What’s that?’ Bilbo asked from behind them. ‘The first day of the last moon of autumn on the threshold of winter. This is bad, we don’t have much time.’ Thorin gritted through his teeth. ‘We can make it. It’s clear, we need to be at exact place at exact time for the keyhole to be revealed. Only then the door can be opened.’ Balin said firmly. ‘So your purpose is to enter the Mountain.’ Elrond finally had his answer. ‘What of it?’ Thorin growled with a glare.  ‘There are some who wouldn’t deem it wise.’ The elf said enigmatically and sent meaningful look to Gandalf before he left the cliff, closely followed by the hobbit.

 

₪₪₪

 

Bilbo’s mind was a big tangled mess of late. She had the decency not to lie to herself about her… sympathies towards Thorin. The stubborn insufferable dwarf somehow wormed his way into her mind. And when she confirmed to herself by the pool she wasn’t imagining things and he was interested as well, she couldn’t help but feel a bit smug. But how could she possibly give in to those emotions? She was too different and she had a feeling that when he finally found the truth, he would fear her and despise her just like many others.

It was a small miracle Fíli was so understanding and didn’t judge Bilbo for her condition. He was shocked, of course he was, but the sweet boy showed his support and even will to keep it a secret for a time being. And when Bilbo found out Thorin overheard them – not sure how much – her instinct told her to go defensive. Not that she would overreact that much considering his jealous outburst. ‘Dwarves and their fierce possessiveness where their treasures are the concern.’ She grumbled to herself and kicked a pebble.

 

As she was wandering the bridges, balconies and overviews outside deep in thoughts, she heard Lord Elrond and Gandalf again in hushed disagreement. ‘Gandalf, it is a dangerous venture. Do you have any idea what would it cause if you waken the dragon?’ Lord Elrond seemed to be concerned with the quest, just as they after all presumed. ‘But should we succeed, we would strengthen our positions in the East. The throne of Erebor is Thorin’s birth right, he should take back what is his.’ Gandalf opposed firmly. ‘What about the dragon sickness? You know his grandfather succumbed to it and his father showed signs too before he disappeared. Can you be sure Thorin Oakenshield wouldn’t fall as well?’

Bilbo felt like she just overheard something she shouldn’t and turned to leave, only to find Thorin standing behind her with pained expression. ‘And what do you think you will achieve with Gûlmathannen? It is a risk to take Bilbo to a quest full of dark servants in your way. Do you truly believe the hobbit can control herself? How do you know something would not trigger it to take over and kill all of you?’ Now it was time for Bilbo’s heart to sink. Of course she knew they would doubt her. Lord Elrond was always nice and friendly towards her, but it was him after all, who saved her life but was unable to break the spell. Bilbo made to leave when Thorin caught her wrist almost painfully.

‘You still owe me the answers, burglar.’ He said with that stony expression of his, not allowing any emotion to seep through. ‘If I remember well, it was Gandalf who promised to answer your questions, not me.’ Bilbo retorted and wanted to walk away. ‘Tell me what are they talking about. If you’re a threat to the company, I need to know.’ Thorin growled dangerously low as his grip on Bilbo’s wrist tightened, his eyes cold as steel. ‘Let go, you’re hurting.’ Bilbo hissed and she was ready to draw a weapon if necessary. Fíli wasn’t the only one carrying around hidden daggers.

 

Before she could defend herself, she heard a sweet voice in her head. _‘Do not be afraid, Bilbo Baggins.’_ It was like a balm on her soul. As Bilbo broke out of Thorin’s grip that instantly weakened, indeed Lady Galadriel was standing behind them. Bilbo knew she arrived to Rivendell but didn’t see why the great elven Lady of Lothlórien would seek her company. ‘May I speak with Bilbo alone?’ Lady Galadriel said softly but insistently enough for Thorin to reluctantly take his leave. ‘What about we sat down.’ She smiled at Bilbo – how beautiful she was when smiling! – and the hobbit followed her to the bench.

‘I know you doubt yourself, but I believe in you. You would not hurt anyone dear to you.’ Lady Galadriel sat down with a rustle of her white-silver robes. ‘How can you be so sure? The curse…’ Bilbo broke into tears. ‘Yes, the curse is a constant presence. But you lived with it for almost twenty years and did you hurt anybody so far?’ The elven lady took Bilbo’s hand. ‘No, you did not. Because you are strong and brave. You are right to help Thorin, son of Thrain, to get his kingdom back.’ She gently wiped the tears off Bilbo’s cheek. ‘Remember this, even the smallest person can change the course of the future.’ And with that Lady Galadriel stood up.

‘He loves you.’ The she-elf tilted her head with a kind smile. ‘You shouldn’t look into his head when he’s unaware of it.’ Bilbo was sure Thorin would be furious about that. ‘All I did was to look into his eyes when they linger on you.’ Her smile was now knowing, thousands of years visible in her ageless features. ‘You shouldn’t submit all of your actions to the curse. But for now I must leave you. And I would suggest you to take your dwarven companions and leave the Valley while you can. For he will try to stop you.’ And with that Lady Galadriel turned and started walking the way Gandalf and Elrond went before. Bilbo knew Saruman was present as well and Lady Galadriel only confirmed her fears. _‘Thank you, My Lady.’_ Bilbo thought to herself and Galadriel sent her last smile before she disappeared.

 

So fleeing was in order. When Bilbo returned to the common room assigned to them, she had to yell at the dwarves for ruining elven property. Seriously, who would ever think that hacking up furniture of your hosts and making a fire out of it was normal? They looked at her suspiciously when she told them they had to leave now, but then unexpectedly Thorin agreed. ‘We have the riddle of the map solved, we don’t have to linger here any longer. Grab your things, we leave now.’ He commanded to the lot of them, not sparing Bilbo a glance.

As they hiked up the narrow path, Bilbo turned to look upon Rivendell for the last time. She mourned leaving the place she grown to love and not even being able to say goodbye to Elladan with Elrohir, Glorfindel or Lindir. ‘Miss Baggins, I suggest you keep up.’ Thorin barked her way as the last dwarf in the beeline passed her and Bilbo sighed to herself. ‘Here we go again, unpleasant king of dwarves at his best.’ She adjusted the heavy pack – they left ponies in Rivendell but Bilbo was sure Myrtle would be treated well – and followed the group towards another part of their journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sindarin glossary:  
> Mae govannen, Lord Elrond. – Well met, Lord Elrond.  
> Glass nín le achened, Bilbo Baggins. – It is my joy to see you again, Bilbo Baggins.  
> Mithrandir. Lastannem i athrannedh i Vruinen. – Mithrandir, we heard that you crossed Bruinen (Loudwater).  
> Ah, Bilbo. Mae athollen. – Bilbo, welcome back.  
> Nartho i noer, toltho i viruvor. Boe i annam vann a nethail vin. – Light the fires, bring forth the miruvor (wine). We must feed our guests.  
> Gûlmathannen – touched by sorcery (mathannen – touched; gûl - evil and necromantic arts, black arts, sorcery)
> 
> Khuzdul glossary:  
> Agyâdê – my happiness
> 
> New [picture of Bilbo](https://malazuzu22.tumblr.com/image/156221308396) on my tumblr! 
> 
> About the word gûlmathannen - I'm not exactly sure it's right but I spent about an hour figuring out how Sindarin works aaaand... I came up with this. You are free to tell me I got it completely wrong though. (:
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos, I'll keep the work going. (:


	4. Chapter 4 - Goblins and Orcs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry for the delay, enjoy! (:

Thorin was mad. Well, of course he was. That ever-meddling wizard had his way and forced him into elves den, a place he wanted to avoid at any cost (and now away from the Valley and company lacking said wizard he could grumble about it freely). Yes, the stay eventually had some benefits, such as solving the riddle of the map and Bilbo letting him into her bed but… The second part was the problem. The burglar refused to acknowledge their bonding as anything significant and Thorin later concluded he wasn’t the only one in the company she had her fun with.

How else could he explain to himself that his nephews were permanently glued at her sides and their behaviour towards each other was more and more intimate every passing day? They constantly whispered something secretively, they touched his One freely, they frequently made her laughing loudly, they shared meals together, they slept having her in their arms under the guise of warming each other, shortly everything Thorin wanted and couldn’t. So hell yeah, Thorin was mad. With jealousy. Which resulted in Thorin being incredibly prickly and that resulted in Bilbo being offended and Thorin sulking afterwards, only to succumb to his rage again.

It didn’t help at all that the elven lord’s words still echoed in his mind. _‘What if it kills you all?’_ That was just weird. What was _it_? Why would it hurt anybody? What it had to do with Bilbo? Aside from her being able to foretell certain things and tame wargs, which was weird by itself. Be it as may, she refused to tell him and Thorin was naturally highly suspicious. All the more reason to watch her closely. But so far nothing out of usual happened since they left the Valley. Thorin actually couldn’t say he was relieved or disappointed.

 

They finally got to the mountains, taking very narrow path, when a thunderstorm hit them. The downpour was so heavy Thorin could barely see and he wasn’t the only one if their frustratingly slow progress up the path was any indication. Thunders were nearly deafening, he could barely hear what Glóin behind him was shouting through them. Just as he was pondering whether or not it was safe to find some cave and wait the storm off, the path started to crumble and… Move?! ‘This is no thunderstorm, it’s a thunderbattle!’ Balin was shouting with worry. ‘Giants! Stone giants!’ Bofur in awe pointed at obviously exactly what he called the creatures, who peeled themselves off the mountain side and started fighting.

It hit Thorin quickly. ‘We are standing on one, we need to get away!’ But just as he voiced his worry the path split and the company was separated in two groups, each of them standing upon one leg of the stone giant. ‘Kíli!’ Fíli yelled from the other leg. So at least his younger nephew was with him. But Fíli, and yes, of course even Bilbo, were on the opposite one. ‘This is bad, we have to jump off or else we end up crushed!’ Thorin decided and as the giant stumbled backwards, opportunity to do so came. ‘Come on, go, go, go!’ He jumped to the cliff first, followed by Óin, Glóin, Balin, Nori, Dori, Bifur and Kíli who stuck on the leg with him.

The problem was, the other half could do nothing. And the giant stood up, with them clinging on his leg for dear lives, and his fist hit another giant’s head. Thorin and his friends watched helplessly as ‘their’ giant got hit by a boulder huge enough to decapitate him. And he was falling. His leg, where half of the company was, bent forward and crashed into the mountain side before he fell into the abyss to shatter into pieces at the bottom. ‘Noooo!’ Thorin heard someone yelling before he realized it was his own voice, mixed with wails of despair of his companions and devastated cry of Kíli.

 

Despite himself he surged forward, he had to see. And to his wonder and immense joy, his companions were piled just behind the corner, scared and some bleeding from scratches, but mostly unharmed. Thorin launched himself on Fíli and hugged him tightly, Kíli crushing them a second after. ‘Where’s Bilbo?’ Bofur’s frightened yell ripped Thorin out of his relief. They all looked around frantically and no sign of the halfling. ‘You’re standing on my fingers with your ridiculous heavy boot, dumbhead.’ Came a very vexed reply from somewhere below them. Eyes darting down, Thorin’s sight landed at the only visible part of the burglar, hands gripping the edge of the cliff.

‘Well, what about you stopped goggling and helped me up already?’ Bilbo was obviously displeased by lack of action. After a few seconds of turmoil Bofur and Ori surged on all four to help her up. ‘What on earth are you doing?’ Bilbo squeaked when their act resulted at losing her last ground and they barely managed to catch her. To Thorin’s utter horror she was dangling above the ravine only held by Bofur who in return was held by his brother not to fall down himself. ‘Very helpful, thank you very much, I see you are professionals in rescuing damsels in distress.’ Bilbo uttered sarcastically.

Before he could think it through, Thorin was hanging off the cliff right next to Bilbo – she was quite colourfully swearing at the moment – grabbed her by the shoulder and hurled her up so the others could pull her up onto the path at last. Relieved it went unexpectedly smooth his own hand slipped on the wet stone and it was him who Dwalin had to catch and drag up. Dreadful business! ‘I thought we lost our burglar.’ Dwalin huffed with effort next to him on the ground when Thorin was safely on the path.

 

Thorin scrambled to his legs to examine the hobbit but he found her under a pile of Ori, Bofur, Kíli and Fíli already looking for any damage or simply hugging her in joy. ‘She’s been lost ever since she left her comfortable home. She should never have come. A hobbit has no place amongst dwarves.’ Thorin growled loud enough for anyone to hear. ‘Now wait just a moment, poncy dwarf, and count how many times you would all be screwed without me. Ungrateful, spoiled…’ Bilbo’s furious outburst quieted into angry muttering under her breath when Kíli put a hand on her shoulder and sent a glare Thorin’s way.

He clenched his jaws and didn’t say anything, instead he turned away from them. ‘On your feet, we need to find shelter for the night.’ Thorin finally decided and stomped up the path with deep scowl. ‘Dwalin, follow me!’ Thorin commanded when he spotted a cave. ‘It looks safe enough.’ Dwalin considered when they carefully stepped in. ‘Search to the back.’ Thorin insisted. ‘Nothing.’ Dwalin shouted after a while. ‘Alright. Get some rest, no fire tonight. We move with the first light.’ Thorin gave out orders and flung his backpack off down onto the rocky floor.

‘Something is not right. It’s not safe to linger here.’ Bilbo formed out of thin air right next to him. Thorin barely managed to cover the slight jump. ‘Keep your weird premonitions. Perhaps the wizard listens to your nonsense but not me. We stay here.’ Thorin stubbornly insisted and crossed his arms to emphasize his decision. ‘Well, be my guest then. Just so you know, this mountain is riddled with goblins. _I’m not_ staying in.’ Bilbo glared daggers at him before she turned on her heel and marched towards the entrance. There she sat down just on the border of the rain, staring angrily into the distance.

 

When he prepared his bedroll and slumped down onto it, chewing slowly at the piece of smoked meat and not exactly fresh bread, Thorin noticed the silent conversation between Kíli and Fíli. They were always like this, only needed to exchange a look and they were on the same page, like their minds were connected. They grabbed their bedrolls and moved to the entrance where Bilbo was tangled into her own blanket, still staring into the rain. Though her eyes were unseeing, like she was deep in thoughts. _‘What is she thinking of?’_ Thorin wondered for a moment. But the smile that spread across her face when Fíli and Kíli sat next to her quickly twisted his insides with renewed rage. _‘Whatever, I don’t really care.’_ Thorin tried to convince himself as he lay on his side, back to the three of them, forcing his eyes shut and certainly not trying to get any glimpse of conversation between them.

 

₪₪₪

 

‘You’re a cheater.’ Kíli landed on the ground next to Bilbo with a pout. ‘I’m not sure I follow your thoughts?’ Bilbo inclined her head in confusion. ‘Fíli told me how come you can shoot so well. There’s no way I’m going to be as good as you.’ The young dwarf frowned begrudgingly. ‘Fíli… What? He told you what?’ This conversation was just getting weirder. ‘About your abilities. Well, he didn’t want to at first but I made him spill it eventually.’ Kíli beamed proudly and Bilbo immediately searched for Fíli. The lad was watching the two of them with guilty expression.

Seeing Bilbo’s stormy glare Fíli slowly shuffled towards them. ‘I’m so sorry Bilbo, but you know him. I can’t keep anything from him for too long.’ Fíli gestured towards his brother and shrugged helplessly. ‘Yavanna’s curls! Did you tell anyone else?’ Bilbo massaged her temples where the headache started to form. ‘No, we wouldn’t.’ The lads swore in unison. ‘Alright. That’s still fine I guess.’ Bilbo waved her hand in resignation.

 

‘So, you know about the whole business and the main thing that concerns you about this is that I can shoot perfectly without anyone ever teaching me?’ Bilbo chuckled disbelievingly after a while. ‘Why, this is a dream come true. Imagine how uncle would be proud of me.’ Kíli threw his arms up and then propped himself on his elbows. ‘I’m sure he’s proud of you anyway.’ Bilbo patted his knee. ‘Then he’s got a spectacular talent for hiding it.’ Fíli grumbled beside them, poking aimlessly in the dirt with a wooden stick.

‘Well, that may be true. Will you feel better if I say I’m proud of you two? Even if I don’t know you that long.’ Bilbo offered and smiled when two matching grins widened the lads’ faces. ‘You’re the best. I can’t believe uncle is so crude and harsh to you when you’re obviously his One. I mean, almost everyone connected the dots by now.’  Kíli hugged her enthusiastically but then got serious again. ‘What’s the One thing you are all talking about?’ Bilbo wondered. Thorin mentioned it after their… night spent together, but didn’t elaborate later.

Fíli and Kíli exchanged a surprised look. ‘You mean you hobbits don’t have One?’ Fíli asked incredulously. ‘I suppose not when I don’t have the foggiest what is it.’ Bilbo shrugged. ‘There’s an old legend saying that Mahal created us with four hands, four legs, two heads, just basically everything but the heart twice. Then he split the creature in two, resulting in two different persons, but their hearts remained incomplete. The only way to be complete is to find your One.’ Fíli explained vaguely. ‘A dwarf’s One is his or hers other half, a soulmate. We can only truly love once. And even if rejected or losing our beloved, the love will never cease.’ Kíli chimed in with slightly dreamy voice, hopeless romantic in contrast with his more rational brother.

‘Oh.’ Bilbo popped her mouth open, most likely looking quite ridiculous. ‘Oh.’ She repeated, still not able to process it properly. ‘So when we… made out and Thorin told me he was saving it for his One…’ She mused out loud with eyes wide in realization. ‘Whoa, whoa, you made out?’ Fíli exclaimed with brows disappearing in his hairline and quickly looked around but fortunately nobody seemed to notice. ‘Erm… Yes? Not that it would be your business anyway.’ Bilbo retorted with cheeks burning. ‘Mahal’s hammer! How come you don’t have the braid yet?’ Kíli frowned in confusion.

‘What braid?’ Bilbo had the feeling that dwarves and their traditions were even more complicated than she ever imagined. ‘Courting braid of course. You bonded. You should have one. Especially when he admitted out loud you’re his One.’ Fíli scratched his chin thoughtfully. ‘Well, he later yelled at me something about marking me as his but it only got me angry.’ Bilbo slid her fingers under the collar around her neck and showed the bruise to the lads. ‘You know what, Fee? I think uncle may be more stupid than I thought when it comes to relationships.’ Kíli sighed and shook his head while Fíli hummed grimly. Only when they shared comfortable silence Bilbo noticed Thorin was staring again, eyes dark and full of burning fury. As always she chose to ignore it.

 

That was several days ago. Now they were sitting at the entrance of the cave, two boys cuddled on either side of hers to keep her warm. _‘They really are sweet lads. I need to keep them safe no matter what.’_ Bilbo thought to herself when she assumed they were already asleep. ‘I’m sorry for what happened to you.’ Kíli’s whisper broke her out of her musings. ‘It’s fine I suppose. It happened so long ago I already got used to it.’ Bilbo smiled mirthlessly. ‘Did it hurt?’ Kíli posed a hesitant question. ‘You mean the ritual? I don’t know to be honest. I was in some kind of trance. It did hurt a lot later on though.’ Bilbo said quietly and released a surprised gasp when Kíli entwined his fingers with hers.

‘Fíli told me your own people don’t like you because of it.’ A gentle thumb swept across her knuckles. ‘Ah. I never truly belonged to the Shire afterwards. I’m not what I used to be, so that’s only natural. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere.’ Bilbo sighed wistfully. ‘Don’t say that. You belong with us, uncle can say whatever he wants. He didn’t mean it anyway, he’s just peeved and broody.’ Kíli squeezed her hand with determination that came with young wildness and naivety. ‘What’s this?’ Kíli gestured towards Bilbo’s belongings before she could squeeze any answer through her tightened throat. Her blade was glowing.

 

‘Drat! I stopped paying attention, with so many buggers under us it’s hard to distinguish them. We have to wake the others, quick!’ Bilbo shot to her legs immediately, shoving the lads out of the cave entrance and onto the path with their surprised yelps. ‘Don’t go in there!’ Bilbo yanked Kíli back when he wanted to go in. Upon her shouting several members of the company jerked awake. ‘Goblins, get out of here!’ Bilbo and the lads yelled but it was too late. The floor under the company gave away and they all disappeared in the hole with all their belongings. ‘Uncle!’ Kíli yelped hopelessly before the floor closed again.

‘What are we going to do?’ Two brothers panicked. ‘As I said, the mountain is filled with goblins. This needs a careful approach if we are to save them instead of becoming a pray too.’ Bilbo ran a hand through her curls. ‘Well, for starters let’s try to climb down and find another entrance, there must be some. The goblins are not directly under us any more, they most likely dragged others somewhere deeper into their nest.’ Bilbo produced a rope and tied it around a solid looking rock. ‘Come on, carefully.’ She held onto the rope and started climbing down.

 

It took some time but eventually they found a crevice from where a cold stream was bursting. There was something very weird and sinister Bilbo felt ahead but she couldn’t place it. No goblin, orc or warg. ‘Follow me. Be aware.’ She whispered and the lads nodded solemnly, weapons drawn. Cautiously following the stream, they could barely see anything. Well, Fíli and Kíli were alright, dwarves had great sight in the darkness, but Bilbo stumbled a few times over a rock. As they got deeper into the mountain, her bad feeling only grew.

They finally got into a large cave of sorts filled with underground lake and dim blue-greenish light. Kíli yelped softly when a scrunching noise came from under his boots. Inspecting its source, they were bones. And more were lying around. Something probably lived here, the source of Bilbo’s uneasiness. Suddenly something hissed above them and with lightning speed it jumped onto Fíli. The lad shouted in surprise and very probably pain and after a brief fight Bilbo and Kíli eventually managed to peel the weird creature off him.

‘Intruders, thieves! Release us!’ It hissed through the gaps between its scarce teeth when Fíli recovered and helped Kíli with taming it and tied its hands behind its back. ‘Who are you and why did you attack us?’ Bilbo asked sharply, angry about the bloody bite on Fíli’s neck and red scratch on her own shin. ‘Gollum, Gollum.’ A strange gurgling noise was the only answer that came out of the creature’s mouth. ‘We need to find a way out of here. Tell us and we shall spare your pitiful life.’ She decided firmly. ‘Is it lost? Yes, lost in nasty goblinses tunnels it is.’ The creature smirked wickedly.

‘And we need to get unlost as quickly as possible. So tell us or I’ll cut your throat.’ Bilbo drew her blade and put the point to the creature’s neck. ‘What is it, precious, what is it? It’s got an elfish blade but it’s not an elfs.’ It muttered with confusion. ‘Hardly your business. Tell us now.’ Bilbo pushed a bit further and the point drew a bit of blood. ‘Awww, leave poor Gollum alone. We shows you, we shows!’ It wailed ruefully and curled into the ball with loud sobs. ‘Fine, show us which way.’ Fíli hurled the creature up and nudged it forward.

 

It was muttering nonsense under its breath but led the way as promised. ‘What do you think this creature is?’ Kíli whispered warily. ‘I have no idea. Something evil probably had it under its control for a very long time.’ Bilbo mused with pity. It was all queer. On contrary to her belief, the longer they followed the creature, the stronger her feeling of something out of place was. And then she felt something odd under her foot and a fire bolted through her body. ‘What?’ Kíli grumbled as he bumped into her when she bent down. ‘Nothing important.’ Bilbo frowned and quickly shoved the small golden band into her pocket. That thing was powerful and very much evil and its touch burned but now it wasn’t time to examine.

‘This way, Mistress and Masters.’ The creature chirped, suddenly unnaturally cheery, and motioned towards dark tunnel. ‘You first.’ Fíli wasn’t fooled. It grumbled with dissatisfaction but obeyed nonetheless. ‘Gandalf.’ Bilbo clearly felt the wizard’s spell somewhere above them. ‘Good news, Gandalf returned and he’s very probably helping out our friends. I think we should just get out of the mountain.’ Bilbo huffed in relief. ‘You sure they won’t need our help?’ Kíli didn’t sound very convinced. ‘Gandalf knows what he’s doing.’ Bilbo nodded firmly.  _‘Well, most of the time.’_ She finished in her head with a grimace.

 

It took more wandering through the dark tunnels before they got into the torch lightened one. ‘Good Gollum showed you way. Now release us or else we die unable to feed us.’ The creature pleaded, half hidden in the shadow and only its big eyes glinting. ‘Alright. But forget about following us, I won’t have mercy again if you attempt to hurt any of us.’ Bilbo warned it and cut the rope. The creature hissed again and sunk into the shadows. ‘Thieves! Thieves, they stole it from us!’ It suddenly yelled furiously and launched itself on Bilbo who managed to make it back off with her sword.

‘I have no idea what’s going on with this thing but it would be wise to move on.’ Fíli gestured towards his wound and upon quick agreement the three of them ran through the tunnel away from the goblins’ nest. There was some angry shrieking and cursing from the creature behind but fortunately it didn’t dare to follow them, probably fearing of being discovered by the goblins. Soon enough they saw a gate. Several bigger goblins guarding it surely looked surprised to see them but a few well-placed arrows silenced them effectively.

‘We are actually out! It was never-ending. What now though?’ Kíli bent forward, panting from the exertion. ‘We wait. Hopefully Gandalf and our dear companions will get out soon as well. I can feel him moving closer.’ It took some time but eventually wild yells and bellows announced they made it out. ‘Did anybody see Bilbo and the lads since we fell?’ Dwalin shouted with worry. ‘Don’t look at me. I wasn’t with them.’ Nori defended himself. ‘They didn’t fall with us, they are probably still on the mountain.’ Bofur chimed in. ‘Now the burglar can go back to the elven city she loves so much with her two pets she made out of my nephews.’ Thorin spat angrily. ‘Oh, you wish so.’ Bilbo snorted with arms crossed and had to smirk into Thorin’s shocked face.

 

₪₪₪

 

He should have listened to Bilbo. Now it was too late to admit it when dozens of hideously deformed goblins were searching them and shoving them across plank bridges and through foul smelling tunnels. Reaching a huge cave, apparently the main nest, terrible song abused his ears. Man on the moon was a blissful, gentle breeze touching the soul compared to this abhorrence. A source of the song was an enormous, sickly swollen and with festering blisters covered goblin, who was swaying in the middle of the cave on a platform where something vaguely shaped as a throne was situated.

‘Catchy, don’t you think? One of my own compositions.’ The fat goblin king finished and scrambled back onto his throne. ‘That’s no song, that’s an abomination.’ Balin voiced Thorin’s exact opinion. ‘That and mutations, deviations, aberrations, all can be found down here.’ The goblin king chuckled. ‘Now. Who are these trespassers who came into my kingdom armed? Assassins? Thieves? Spies? Speak!’ Chuckle quickly disappeared and changed into scowl. ‘Dwarves, your protuberance.’ One of the goblins promptly informed.

‘Dwarves, huh? And what are they up to, if I may ask?’ Malevolence dripped off the king’s voice. Up until now Thorin decided to stay quiet. Óin proceeded to explain but since the goblins stomped on his ear trumpet, he didn’t hear a thing. Bofur’s attempts weren’t much better, only resulting in making the goblin king angry. ‘If they won’t talk, we make them squawk! Let’s have some fun with mangler and bonebreaker. We shall start with the youngest!’ And with a wicked grin he pointed at Ori who Dori and Nori quickly shoved behind themselves in means to protect the frightened scribe.

 

Thorin just had enough and stepped forward. ‘My, my, surprise, surprise! Look who it is. You look old, Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thrór, King Under the Mountain!’ Great goblin squeaked in delight and performed a mock bow. ‘But pardon me for my mistake. I forgot you don’t have a mountain and you’re no king. Your kingdom is now ruled by a dragon. Which makes you nobody, in fact. Just a beggar.’ The ugly thing cackled and crushed one of his minions as he stumbled backwards. Thorin gritted his teeth, facing the giant goblin defiantly.

‘I know somebody who would pay me nicely for your greying head. Just that part, no body attached. Do you know who is dying to see your face again?’ The goblin king grimaced when Thorin couldn’t hide his confusion. ‘Oh, you don’t! Allow me to remind you then. Big pale orc, rider of an albino warg. Is it dawning already?’ The goblin sneered again. ‘That’s not possible. The Defiler was destroyed decades ago!’ Thorin growled back. ‘You think so? I would be delighted to make you an appointment then.’ The goblin king smirked viciously and gave orders to some tiny deformed minion of his.

‘And meanwhile we can have our fun with torturing your little friends, Oakenshield!’ The giant goblin roared and his minions echoed with enthusiasm. But then accidentally one of them drew Orcrist. ‘I know this sword! The Biter! It cut heads of hundreds of goblins! Cut off his now in revenge!’ The goblin king yelled as all the goblins shuffled back away from the dreaded blade. In a blink Thorin was on the ground overwhelmed by several goblins and one of them was preparing to decapitate him. _‘I’m going to end up just like grandfather.’_ Thorin squeezed his eyes shut mournfully.

 

Then a blinding light filled the cave and knocked everybody off their legs. Blinking a few times Thorin recognized the shape of a tall man with pointy hat. ‘Stand up, grab your weapons and belongings. Fight!’ Gandalf shouted in commanding voice and hit the goblin king with his staff, throwing him off the platform. And they were running. Following the wizard through the maze of tunnels and bridges, hundreds upon hundreds of goblins on their heels. The fight was tough, but goblins were stupid and their advantage was more in numbers than fighting skills. Orcrist proved to be an excellent blade for slaying them, confirming its reputation. And it was _glowing._ Thorin had to admit, that was a pretty cool feature.

All went well – considering the circumstances – until Gandalf abruptly stopped because the goblin king burst from under them and blocked their escape route. ‘Nice move indeed. But you can’t escape me! What are you going to do now, wizard?’ The giant goblin towered menacingly above Gandalf. Clearly he didn’t expect a jab right into the eye with the wizard’s staff and an elvish blade boring into his fat stomach. ‘That’ll do it.’ The goblin managed to mumble before Gandalf cut his throat and his lifeless body slid down off the platform. For someone looking so ancient the grey wizard surely had some impressive battle skills.

 

Now really enraged goblins descended upon them with even more vigour, determined to avenge their fallen king. It took lots of running and blade swinging till they got to the gate and daylight seeping through it meant their salvation. Goblins hated sunshine, they would be fools to follow them outside. Bursting through the gate, the finally got some time to worry about three company members they were lacking. Thorin bitterly gritted his opinion through his teeth and what a surprise it was that faintly amused (and fairly annoyed at the same time) Bilbo emerged from the tree-line followed closely by cheerful Fíli and Kíli.

‘Bilbo Baggins, I’ve never been so glad to see anyone in my life. And the boys are with you, safe and sound. Good! Good indeed.’ Gandalf beamed at the smugly smirking hobbit. ‘How did you manage to get past the goblins?’ Thorin demanded, restraining from checking the three of them over for any injuries. ‘Through another tunnel. We found a weird creature down there. Not a goblin, but it was violent enough. All skinny and rachitic.’ Fíli explained and gestured towards the bloody wound on his neck.

‘Weird creature aside, that’s not all we found. Gandalf, I have a serious problem here.’ Bilbo stepped towards the wizard, fumbling with something in her pocket. ‘What did you find?’ Gandalf’s wrinkles lined with worry. ‘I… Oh fuck. Pardon my language but this is just a bit too much for one day. Wargs, again. I suppose more running is in order.’ Bilbo fisted her palms and this time no one opposed her. Soon enough familiar howling reached their ears.

‘Out of the frying pan…’ Gandalf huffed while running (still Thorin had to admire him for being so agile at his age). ‘And into the fire.’ Thorin finished grimly. ‘Up into the trees, quick!’ Dwalin had actually a good idea. ‘Bilbo, couldn’t you…’ Fíli asked but she cut him in midsentence. ‘No way. Too many for a mere little hobbit. Climb the tree.’ She ordered and watched Fíli and Kíli getting up the trunk. Only then she mimicked them.

 

Waiting for their followers to arrive was painfully long. They tried to be quiet, but the wargs of course had excellent scent and smelled them quickly. They were growling and howling under them furiously for a while but got awfully quiet when another warg approached. White one. Thorin couldn’t believe his eyes. ‘No way! It can’t be!’ But despite his vehemence to deny it, Azog was smirking maliciously right at him. He said something in the language that could only be black speech, making his subordinates squeaking and screeching with something that could perhaps be described as a way orcs laughed.

Azog was still the same as the day Thorin saw him last time. The day he witnessed the orc cutting his grandfather’s head and watched it rolling down to his feet while Azog preened in sickening glee. The day his father charged to avenge Thrór and was never seen again. The day Frerin launched himself between disarmed Thorin and Azog ready to finish him as well, only to die instead in Thorin’s arms, sacrificing his life for him. The day Thorin with immense grief breaking his heart refused to give in and defended himself with an oaken branch. The day he cut off the filth’s hand and believed he bled out. But the orc didn’t. He was standing there, mocking Thorin and making his blood boil with decades supressed rage.

 

At Azog’s order the wargs attacked the trees, clearly with intention to uproot them. ‘Gandalf, the cones. Burn them!’ Bilbo shouted up her tree where the wizard was nestled at the tip. Gandalf understood the idea swiftly and with his staff lit several pinecones that served as ammunition. Kíli and Fíli looked like they enjoyed throwing the burning pinecones far too much, but they hit their marks successfully and that counted. Hopefully it wouldn’t awake any pyromaniac desires in them. The underbrush caught fire quickly and wargs howled painfully now, air filled with the smell of burned hair and flesh. Azog upon his white warg furiously squared his jaws. But their victory didn’t last for long as the trees finally gave away.

They jumped from tree to tree until the last one at the edge of the cliff was nestling the whole company. And it too started leaning to the side, down the abyss below them. Glee retuned into Azog’s features as they dangled above the emptiness. ‘Not like this. I’m going to finish this today.’ Thorin growled and with great effort got himself up to standing. ‘Thorin, no! What do you think you’re doing?’ Dwalin bellowed incredulously, followed by more disapproving and despairing shouts. ‘Uncle, don’t do that!’ Kíli’s cry cut the air. But Thorin didn’t hear them. He was focused only on one thing.

 

Azog upon the rock produced a pleased smile. Thorin braced his Oakenshield and drew Orcrist out of its scabbard. He breathed in deeply, remembering all the people he wanted and needed to avenge. And he charged. Thinking about it afterwards, he was, of course just as Bilbo said, incredibly foolish. Azog waited for the perfect moment and then the warg jumped off the rock and knocked Thorin down to the ground. Air was knocked out of his lungs and Thorin heaved a breath with difficulty, scrambling on his legs only to be hit square into the chest with Azog’s mace.

With head throbbing and chest numb he found himself in the warg’s jaws. The beast bit down and its fangs tore the flesh on Thorin’s arm and back. He heard himself releasing wails of pain, Azog laughing balefully, his companions crying in agony for him. The warg threw him away and his body hit the rock hardly. Azog ordered something to one of his orcs and the ugly thing moved slowly over to him, lifting the blade just above his neck. _‘This is it. I escaped a few hours earlier only to lose my head now. I’m sorry, grandfather. I’m so sorry, little brother. I wasn’t able to avenge you after all.’_ Thorin swallowed thickly, unable to reach his sword.

 

‘Idiot of a dwarf. I swear I’m going to cut your head myself for this foolishness!’ He heard Bilbo’s _very_ crossed voice just as an arrow pierced the orc’s head and the hobbit stood right between him and Azog. Pale orc’s scarred face twisted with rage. He ordered more of his subordinates to get to Thorin but their lives were ended with deadly precision just as quickly. ‘What are you doing. Save yourself and leave me to my fate.’ Thorin squeezed through his sore throat. Bilbo just snorted mirthlessly. ‘Shut it, poncy king. I’ll deal with you later, you can count on that. Now let me concentrate, thank you very much.’ Bilbo drew her little sword and took a battle stance. For someone who claimed never to wield a sword she looked like a seasoned warrior.

Azog was fuming by now and shouted something in his ugly language on her. To Thorin’s shock, the hobbit replied. In black speech. That decidedly _was_ black speech coming out of Bilbo’s beautiful mouth. Whatever she said it must have enraged Azog to maximum because he urged his warg forward. Only the beast defied and instead threw him off and positioned itself next to the hobbit, against its master. This was getting so weird Thorin was half convinced he was just dreaming it. Or perhaps he was already dead?

 

Azog roared in rage and attacked Bilbo. She ducked the mace quickly and the warg surged forward. And so the pale orc cracked a skull of his own beloved pet. If someone was a master of heckling, it had to be the burglar because Azog now saw red and his attacks were reckless and full of rage. Behind them other company members got into the fight with the rest of the orcs. For a moment Azog stopped his movements and his face turned blank. Even Bilbo stopped, brows drawn together in frown and then her features changed with sadness and grief.

But then the moment passed and Azog swung his mace, hitting her into the side. ‘Morgoth’s filth, you have some evil mind.’ Bilbo wiped the blood she coughed up with the back of her hand, gripping the sword tightly and once more positioning herself between the orc and Thorin. He would swear her eyes were glowing green and it got darker around them. But then again, his vision was a bit blurred and it could be just a reflection of her glowing sword. Bilbo screamed with a voice that didn’t belong to her before she advanced, rolled on the ground to avoid the bloody mace and her blade cut flesh on the back of Azog’s knee.

The pale orc bellowed and dropped to the injured knee, swinging the mace to keep Bilbo away from him. Sudden screeches from the sky got into Thorin’s ears and he could see giant eagles flying gracefully above them, grabbing effortlessly remaining wargs and orcs and throwing them down the ravine to meet their death. Azog roared furiously once more and snarled something in black speech before his remaining inferiors grabbed him and hastily retreated.

 

‘By Eru Ilúvatar, you are the dumbest and most reckless person I've ever met!’ Bilbo sheathed her sword and turned her anger to Thorin, looking just normal (besides her bloody wounds). So he had to imagine the glowing before. Thorin wanted to protest but his vision was slowly darkening and no strength was left in his limbs, his body finally giving in to the exhaustion. ‘We are safe. Everyone survived by some miracle and you are very probably going to live. At least for now. But wait till I get my hands on you. You, you… Complete thickhead.’ Bilbo’s furious face above him was the last thing he saw before blissful darkness engulfed him and he knew no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me long enough to find any desire to write after the break-up last week. But hey! I wrote this all yesterday so I guess my muse is back! I only hope it makes sense considering I revised it like twice while usually I take days to form the words just as I like. So, a little bit of action and angst in this one and some fluff should probably follow with the next chapter. ;) 
> 
> As usually, thanks a lot for your lovely comments, kudos and all the attention, I'm so grateful for it. We can also connect via tumblr if you want to, I'd love to find some interesting blogs since it's all quite new to me. (: 
> 
> <https://malazuzu22.tumblr.com/>


	5. Chapter 5 - The Carrock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I have no idea how I managed to write 7400 words of no real plot, only conversations and a bit of Middle-earth history porn. I can't even say I'm entirely happy with it but it's just too much text to edit, so whatever. Enjoy! 
> 
> Oh, and some Black speech ahead. Translations at the end notes. ;)

Thorin felt light, as if he was floating and no burdens were dragging him down for a change. Somehow large and majestic hallways and halls of Erebor stretched in front of him, supported by pillars carved from marbled stone, even bigger and vaster than he remembered them. Inspecting his hands and attire and finding his hair much shorter and face without even a stubble, he concluded he was a young lad again. ‘Come on, Thorin, let’s get some dinner at last.’ A bulky roguish boy with a mohawk squawked his way, an axe strapped to his back proudly. _‘Is that… Dwalin?’_ Thorin wondered to himself and followed his friend.

Walking through the corridors made of polished stone and decorated richly with various reliefs picturing dwarven heroes of legends and the kings of old, Thorin’s chest clenched with fondness as he caressed the stone with his fingertips. Dwalin in front of him didn’t say anything but he has never been a man of many words. Walking into the familiar corridor, Dwalin kicked one of the door opened and hurried in. ‘Thorin, Thorin! How was your training?’ A small fair-haired boy ran towards him with eyes wide and shining. _‘Frerin!’_ Thorin gasped and patted his brother’s head fondly. ‘Good, I suppose?’ He answered the eager question with a shrug. ‘I’m still better.’ Dwalin chuckled from the table with pastries, stuffing his face with a cookie.

‘I’m sure Thorin will soon overcome you and then you will see, fathead.’ The little blonde frowned and stuck his tongue out. ‘Frerin, manners.’ A woman with the same blonde hair as his brother came into the room, holding a little bundle in her arms. _‘Amad.’_ Thorin’s heart swelled with joy. ‘Well, come here and greet your baby sister.’ She smiled at the boys pleasantly. They obeyed and even Dwalin shuffled over to take a look at the baby. ‘She’s still too small. And boring to play with. I want to go watch Thorin and Dwalin sparring next time!’ Frerin pouted and poked the baby’s chubby cheek.

Baby Dís mewled in displeasure. ‘Only proper princes are allowed to visit the training grounds. I will consider it if you eat all your vegetables tonight.’ Frís quickly swatted his hand away and stuffed a pacifier into the baby’s mouth, cooing at disgruntled infant, while Frerin whined loudly at the prospect of having to eat all the yucky greens. Thorin would later sneak some of Frerin’s vegetable portion onto his own plate, even though he despised it equally. ‘He’s right though. Babies are boring.’ Dwalin grumbled and he received a kick to the shin from Thorin. His sister may have been _thoroughly_ boring but he still loved her and felt fierce protectiveness towards her.

 

 

The scene dissipated and Thorin found himself the day he recalled in his nightmares hundreds of times. The day the dragon came. First they watched it helplessly with Balin from the ramparts as it was destroying the city of Dale, spitting fire and dispersing death everywhere with frightening roars. It gave them time to prepare but no one could ever be prepared to fending off a dragon. When Girion of Dale didn’t manage to slay the beast with black arrows, their hopes fell.

Thorin led the charge on the dragon nonetheless, but the beast was just so big, its armour too thick to be pierced with spears or common arrows. It burst through the front gates effortlessly, as if they were made out of foam instead of thick stone. Soldiers didn’t know if they should protect civilians or lead attacks on the dragon (needless to say, most of them were squashed or burned to the crisp by the dragon fire), chaos and death was everywhere around. ‘Thorin!’ A panicked yell of his brother came to his ears. Frerin stumbled towards him, clutching his sister’s hand. ‘What do we do? Where are amad and adad? Gamul-adad?’ Dís, fierce and intrepid as she was, was now understandably frightened as well.

‘I don’t know. We have to get out, I’m afraid the Mountain is already lost. Come on!’ Thorin hugged his siblings and just like many other people they desperately tried to get away from the fire and death. When safely out, Thorin patted Frerin’s shoulder. ‘Stay here with our sister. I’ll go and find the others.’ He commanded firmly and turned on his heel. ‘Wait, Thorin!’ Dís shouted and when he turned to face her again, he found himself with arms full of weeping dwarrowdamme. ‘Stay safe. Promise you will come back.’ She hiccupped into his shoulder.

‘Of course I will. Now help others with Frerin. You are a prince and a princess, your people need you.’ He hugged her tightly and then Frerin took over with a small reassuring nod. Thorin dove inside the Mountain once more. It was reeking of sulphur and burned hair and flesh and the smell was twisting his stomach. ‘My boy! What are you doing here? Erebor is lost!’ He met his father on the way to the throne room. ‘Dís and Frerin are already out. Where’s mother?’ Thorin paused to catch a breath. ‘I lost her in the crowd. I hope she’s safe by now. But Thrór… He refused to leave the treasure room.’ Thrain murmured mournfully with a headshake.

‘Go find amad. I’ll get him till it’s too late.’ Thorin was halfway through the corridor before his father’s shouts reached him. ‘Thorin, don’t go in there! He won’t come with you. And it’s too dangerous, the dragon will kill you both!’ Thrain’s voice sounded desperate. But Thorin refused to listen. He _knew_ Thrór wasn’t himself any more. He knew his grandfather turned into cruel creature and cared only about gold and power. Yet still he wouldn’t forgive himself if he just abandoned him. He didn’t blame his father for giving up on him though. Thrain had to put up with worst of Thrór’s temper after all and he had other family members to take care of.

 

Thorin burst into the treasury last minute. The dragon was already in, diving into the piles of gold with immense glee, causing it to twirl around the treasure room in breath-taking shimmering waves and splashes. Thrór was standing on the stairs, clutching the Arkenstone in his hands, watching how his gold was being conquered with despair. Suddenly the walls shook as Smaug managed to demolish some of the pillars and the Arkenstone slipped out of his grasp and disappeared in the sea of gold. ‘Gamul-adad, we need to leave.’ Thorin said firmly as he caught his grandfather just in time to prevent him jumping after the stone.

Angry yells of his grandfather and curses he spat at Thorin died out in the roaring of the dragon. Finally out again and depositing now sobbing Thrór into his father’s hands, Thorin saw the elven army led by Thranduil on the horizon, watching the ruin caused by the dragon coldly. Then the Elvenking’s eyes connected with his for a long moment before the elf turned his elk and commanded his army to march back into the Woodland realm. The bitter betrayal soon mixed with deep sorrow when they found out that Frís didn’t make it out of the Mountain. Overwhelmed by grief of losing his mother and their homeland, Thorin unsheathed his dagger and cut off the short beard he just recently was able to start growing and waving into a thick braid.

 

 

Once more Thorin was ripped out of the scene and found himself in the middle of the battle. War yells of dwarven soldiers mixed with piercing shrieks of the orcs and red and black blood alike were all around him and all over him. Dimrill gate was now close, but the enemy was tough to defeat. Thorin swung his blade skilfully, slaying orc after orc, but the numbers of enemy didn’t seem to lessen. And then he turned and saw his grandfather in hands of the commander of the orc forces. Azog made sure Thorin was watching when he decapitated the king and tossed the head his way.

Thorin released a wail of pain and fury alike and meant to kill the foul orc, but his father stopped him. ‘No, stay here, son, out of his reach. He means to kill us all, wipe out the line of Durin. I will go and avenge our king myself.’ Thrain brought their foreheads together affectionately for a second and disappeared in the masses of fighting bodies. Those were the last words Thorin heard from him. Soon enough the giant pale orc found him on the battlefield and he was facing the filth alone. Dwalin and Balin were cut off by Azog’s bodyguards and also Víli, Dáin and Frerin disappeared from his sight.

He faced Azog with determination, deep need to avenge his grandfather and king fuelling him, but the luck wasn’t with him. When his shield was shattered and Deathless was knocked out of his hand, Thorin found himself on the ground with Azog grinning at him, relishing in the moment before he would finish him. Thorin closed his eyes instinctively as he awaited the mace swinging towards him crushing his bones, but the blow never came.

Instead a war cry came out of his brother’s mouth as he fended the blow off and jumped in the middle. ‘Leave my brother alone, orc filth!’ Frerin growled as he gripped his sword tightly. But alas, as good as Frerin was with sword, he was more an archer and soon Azog found an opening and wounded him severely. ‘Run, Frerin, save yourself!’ Thorin heard himself yelling. ‘Now, now, don’t be silly, big brother.’ Thorin saw that trademark crooked half-smirk on his brother’s bloodied face before the pictures melted and Frerin transformed into the honey-haired halfling, clutching an elven blade, pure hatred plastered on her face as she was standing against Azog. _‘She’s so small… I’m going to lose her just like Frerin.’_ Flew through Thorin’s head before completely out of place noises came to his ears.

 

 

‘Thorin! Thorin, wake up.’ Gentle murmurs of the grey wizard filled his mind. And true enough, when he managed to pry his eyes open, Gandalf was leaning above him, his face wrinkled with worry turning into relief. ‘You scared us quite profoundly here.’ The wizard had the nerve to chuckle while the air was full of joyous yells of his company members. ‘The halfling, where is she?’ Thorin found his throat sore and his voice terribly raspy, but he had to know. _‘Preferably right now, Gandalf, a minute ago was too late.’_ He thought to himself impatiently. ‘Oh, Bilbo is quite safe, but I don’t think it is wise…’ Gandalf started warily but was cut off by Thorin’s glare as he immediately tried to scramble to his legs. Fíli and Kíli were fast to help him up but he pushed them off him.

Looking around, he found Bilbo standing away from the group, her back turned to them. ‘You!’ Thorin growled at her. Upon this Bilbo jumped, quickly shoved something she had in her hand into her pocket and whipped around with thoroughly terrifying smile. ‘Yes? You were saying?’ She made several steps closer and crossed her arms. ‘What were you doing?’ Thorin demanded and suppressed a wince at his wounds hurting something dreadfully. The goblin king was right, he was getting old for this kind of merriment. ‘Apart from keeping your bloody head attached to your shoulders?’ Bilbo raised one of her brows challengingly.

‘By jumping in front of an orc three feet taller than you. Almost twice your size! You could get yourself killed!’ Thorin exclaimed and threw his arms up angrily. That obviously wasn’t the right thing to say. ‘Oh _please_. I certainly wasn’t the one on the suicidal mission back there. Besides, you’re tiny compared with Azog as well, so that’s no argument.’ She snorted in exasperation and shook her head. ‘I’m much stronger than you though. And still taller.’ Thorin too came closer to loom above her menacingly. ‘Not tall enough to be out of reach if I chose to knock some sense into your head.’ Bilbo didn’t seem to be intimidated at all.

 

‘Are we really having a conversation about height? Besides, you’re overreacting.’ Thorin huffed in irritation. ‘Overreacting? Am I? I’ll show you overreacting!’ And with that her fist connected with Thorin’s jaw and reopened already once split lip. ‘You’re really a wrong person to pose a ‘ _what were you doing’_ question!’ Bilbo’s expression was murderous as she was clenching fists impossibly tight. ‘I had to avenge my family. I _had to_ kill the orc filth for them!’ Thorin, now fuelled by the fact she dared to strike him, wasn’t about to chicken out of a shouting match. ‘And what a wonderful job you did there too. I’m sure Frerin would be _exhilarated._ ’ Bilbo chortled mirthlessly and her hands moved to rest on her hips while she scowled defiantly.

‘What do _you_ know of Frerin?’ Thorin now growled dangerously low. Frerin was his sore topic, he never spoke of him. ‘I know that he sacrificed himself so you could _live_. Live and take care of your people, provide for them. To take care of your family for him, raise your nephews for your fallen brother-in-law. He gave up his own life so you could carry on the line of Durin and maybe someday reclaim that oh so precious mountain of yours and restore its former glory. Certainly not to throw the second chance he gave you away in utterly moronic attempt to get yourself scarce of your empty head!’ Bilbo was now fuming like a dragon and Thorin swore he saw the green glint in her narrowed eyes again.

 

Her furious reasoning took Thorin completely aback. The whole company, to be honest, took several steps back away from them and they were just gaping silently. _‘Cowards.’_ Thorin frowned shortly. ‘How… How can you…?’ He mumbled in confusion, thoroughly uncomprehending how Bilbo knew what happened during the battle so many years ago. ‘I know many things. One of them is that if you ever want to put a crown upon that thing that’s resting on your neck so it wouldn’t rain inside it, you will _never_ do this again. Or else I will smash it with a war-hammer.’ She stomped her foot demandingly, yelling taking quite a high pitch.

Thorin for a moment considered the image of Bilbo trying to lift Dwalin’s hammer and had to supress an irrational chuckle in sake of his own preservation. All the yelling and threatening with murder aside, Bilbo always looked adorable when she was enraged with him and this moment wasn’t an exception. Terrifying, yes, but somehow cute as well. Not that he would ever say it out loud. Thorin quickly schooled his expression and brought his focus back onto the exchange between his ever brilliant One and his own (sometimes admittedly stupid) self. They glared daggers silently at each other for a moment.

 

‘Why did you do it?’ Thorin asked more uncertainly this time. ‘You really have to ask?’ Bilbo rolled her eyes in her infamous _‘are you completely brainless?’_ manner. ‘Well, obviously you can’t stand me and your heart answer to calls of someone else’s than mine.’ With that Thorin turned around to glance at his nephews. ‘So why would you bother risking your own life for me?’ He gritted this through his teeth bitterly. ‘You really are hopeless. Perhaps if you stopped brooding and assuming unabridged bollox inside your mind for a moment, you would know.’ Now Bilbo sounded more exhausted with the whole business than truly angry.

Thorin could only stare at her dumbly. ‘Do you really think I could bear watching you die? Just like that, as if you meant nothing to me? You think I wouldn’t be heartbroken myself and then even more wretched upon seeing your grieving nephews, trying to give them comforts where there would be none? Seeing the pain in eyes of your family and friends? You think all those people follow you on this errand, despite the fact it’s completely insane, so you could throw yourself right under the blade of your old enemy and abandon us? If you _really_ think so than your stupidity reached a whole new level.’ Bilbo was now bashing frantically into his chest with her tiny fist. Considerably more hurting herself because of the armour Thorin wore.

 

That was it for Thorin. Everything be damned, he grabbed the offending hand by the wrist to prevent it from further upsetting her (and his after all too) wounds, gripped Bilbo’s waist with the other one and pulled her up for a crushing kiss. ‘Uuumph!’ She was protesting and squirming for a moment before she gave up fighting and melted into the kiss that significantly softened into gentle brushes of lips. ‘Did I finally get it right?’ Thorin smirked mischievously as their lips parted. ‘About time.’ Bilbo grumbled under her breath, still frowning fervently. ‘Now talk about who’s the burglar here.’ She grouched as she wiped the blood coming from Thorin’ bleeding lip off her mouth.

‘Thank you for saving my life.’ Thorin released her wrist so he could caress her cheekbone stained with black orc blood with his thumb. Bilbo followed the movement with her eyes suspiciously but didn’t finch away. ‘Well, you’re very welcome.’ She mumbled, finally somehow deflated. ‘But do not think for a second you’re forgiven for scaring the hell out of me. I’m still very much mad at you. And you still have a lot to explain. The whole One business and what not.’ Bilbo narrowed her eyes again at him and pursed her lips. ‘I’m aware.’ Thorin winced and leaned down to steal another kiss.

‘No, no, no, none of this. Now go and get your wounds to be tended to.’ Bilbo dodged out of the way and nudged Thorin towards the rest of the group, their companions now badly concealing gleeful grins (although some, like Dwalin or his nephews, didn’t even bother trying). ‘Don’t pretend you didn’t hear. Off you go.’ She waved him off with a movement one would use to shoo away an annoying fly. Thorin huffed a little but then chuckled fondly and obeyed. It was a sensible order after all, as much as he loathed to be ordered around instead of being the one distributing orders. But he was too happy at the moment to really care about it. And perhaps he would have to get used to it anyway, all things considered. Bilbo was a stubborn little thing, rivalling even him by her mulishness. ‘Fíli, Kíli. Come here, boys. Let me see your injuries.’ He heard Bilbo shout at his nephews, but this time the familiar sting of jealousy didn’t appear.

 

₪₪₪

 

Bilbo certainly wasn’t fond of heights. As much as any other hobbit, she preferred to have her hairy feet firmly on the ground, but considering that the Great Eagles came to their aid, she couldn’t complain much. And much needed help it was indeed. Not that she wouldn’t be able to hold her ground against the giant orc (and thus keep Thorin alive), but that blow into her ribs caught her unaware and undoubtedly cracked several ribs, possibly even hurt her insides if the blood coming up her throat was to say.

It was tough to get into Azog’s head and the things she saw there would surely haunt her in her sleep. Azog had to be the worst and cruellest creature she had the displeasure to meet so far. Bilbo felt such deep grief when she witnessed Frerin defending his brother valiantly and then dying in Thorin’s arms despite his bravery, the act that spurred Thorin’s rage on to grab that ridiculous branch and face Azog for poor Frerin, it weakened the bond and Azog, who kept fighting her will back, was able to push her out of his mind. He must have been more intelligent than common orcs.

Bilbo wasn’t shaken very much by the threat that Azog made before retreat. ‘Shapogub, akashuga! Gimbub-latu. Shatûpub asthu-lab agh paûb gijak-lab. Plagub kaar-tab agh vurasub vokuk-tab!’ Azog snarled at her before his subordinates managed to get him away. Black speech was so ugly compared to Westron or Sindarin. Yavanna, ever Khuzdul, guttural and hard to pronounce as it was, sounded thousand times better. Not that Bilbo would understand a word when her dwarves started muttering in Khuzdul between themselves. But she unfortunately had ability to speak orcish.

 

Travelling on the back of a giant eagle (hers was named Meneldor and his feathers were beautiful mix of light brown and almost golden) wasn’t comfortable in the slightest, wind howling around her pointy ears and seeping into her bones. Her wounds were pounding numbly with pain, but she couldn’t really be bothered to acknowledge them. They always healed fast. Much more important was how Thorin was doing. Another eagle, Landroval, was carrying him in his claws all the way, dwarven king unconscious since before he was grabbed by the eagle.

They travelled through better portion of the night and when the eagles started circling around a large rock sticking in the middle of the Anduin river, sun already started to rise. After a glance she spared to Thorin and Gandalf looming above him, both of them quickly surrounded by company, Bilbo left the group in order to thank to their rescuers and to bid them farewell. Though she couldn’t understand their language, they answered her with shrieks and thrills before they made back to their eyrie.

 

Bilbo remembered about the ring and was suddenly very uncomfortable feeling it sitting in her pocket. Pulling it out, it started burning again. This time she inspected it closely and a few words in black speech left her lips on their own. And then the red inscription revealed. Reading it, dread crept up her spine in freezing waves as she realized what was now lying on her palm. ‘That’s just my luck to find this stupid thing out of all people. Gandalf surely won’t be pleased at all.’ Bilbo despaired briefly but then Thorin broke her musing and riled her up impossibly.

She couldn’t believe herself she really smashed her fist right into his face, but the dull pain in her hand, probably a broken finger – dwarves surely _were_ made of stone – convinced her otherwise. Fortunately the fight was resolved quite to pleasure of the both sides. Now it was the time to examine and tend the acquired wounds and rest, but she had a suspicion they wouldn’t stay long on the Carrock. The eagles gave them certain advantage by covering the distance between Azog and them so swiftly, but with all the wounds and without ponies the orcs would catch up with them fairly quickly once they found their position.

 

‘Stop squirming, Fíli. That bite is not very deep but it needs to be cleaned or else you will get an inflammation into it.’ Bilbo reprimanded the lad who was currently complaining that her healing lotion was tingling and hurting. Kíli was watching them tentatively and snickering. ‘You won’t be laughing for much longer, little brother. It will be your turn soon. Ouch!’ Fíli grumbled at Kíli and then hissed when Bilbo put the lotion on the scratch on his forehead as well. ‘He’s right. And don’t think for a second you can evade it.’ Bilbo grinned and Kíli visibly paled, making both Fíli and her laugh.

When she finished with them – Kíli only had a few minor scratches on his face, lucky boy – Bilbo gave them another tincture to spread over their bruises. Though dwarves couldn’t give a damn about propriety and didn’t mind at all to show off their muscular forms, Bilbo herself wasn’t that comfortable with goggling at their bodies up close. Because Óin was too busy with tending to Thorin’s numerous injuries, Dwalin, Bofur with Bifur and Nori and Ori came to her as well. And then grumbled about the fact that Fíli conveniently forgot to mention the itchy healing lotion when he directed them to Bilbo. Honestly, one would expect such seasoned warriors not to be whiny as a bunch of dwarflings.

Sending them all away, Bilbo briefly fussed about her own wounds and wrapped her midsection in order to prevent the broken ribs from moving more than necessary and fixed her broken middle finger. All the injuries cleaned and covered with healing concoctions, the company set to gather some fresh water and dry wood and make a fire going. With that done, food could be prepared. Up until now Bilbo didn’t realize she was so hungry, but peeling potatoes while listening to some lewd song Bofur didn’t sing to her so far, her stomach was twisting and growling almost painfully. No wonder, they didn’t eat properly for more than fifteen hours!

 

The stew (luckily most of the provisions were salvaged, a small miracle after the goblins-involved disaster) was bubbling happily over the fire and Bilbo moved across the camp to sit quietly for a while and contemplate how she should inform Gandalf that a bloody Ring of Sauron was sitting in her pocket in the most frugal way. Of course some of the dwarves had to interrupt her pondering, but Bilbo wouldn’t expect the person to be Dwalin. He loomed over her for a moment before Bilbo motioned with her eyes towards the empty place on the bedroll. Upon permission given, Dwalin slumped down next to her like a heavy boulder.

He had several cuts on his face and a few uglier looking ones on his bare forearms but didn’t seem to be bothered much by them. ‘Dwalin.’ Bilbo said en lieu of greetings when the silence stretched. ‘Bilbo.’ Dwalin inclined his head slightly. He clenched and unclenched his fists several times before he spoke again. ‘You fought well for someone who claimed to be untrained with sword.’ He started at length. ‘Though your footwork could probably be improved a bit. I could help you with that. That is, if you would be inclined.’ Bilbo’s eyes widened in surprise with such a gracious offer.

‘Uh, why, thank you. I’d be delighted, I suppose.’ She stammered out. ‘Good. I have a feeling you will be around Thorin more often now… Erm. He can be a bit hot-headed and dense so… Better to be able to protect him. Just in case.’ Dwalin obviously fought to find the right words. ‘Not that you wouldn’t… Mahal’s hammer, I just wanted to thank you.’ Dwalin growled in frustration. ‘Oh?’ Bilbo gaped. ‘For keeping him alive. I wouldn’t forgive myself that I failed and he died on my watch.’ The mountain of a dwarf said quietly and his shoulders slumped. Bilbo felt oddly graced to be allowed to see Dwalin showing weakness.

‘Also for knocking some sense into him. That speech before, about Frerin and all… You really are a great match to that damned king of ours. Even Dís always struggled with keeping him in line but you don’t seem to have that kind of problem.’ With that Dwalin chuckled and patted Bilbo’s shoulder with a crushing force. ‘Well, thank you. I think I might be out of suitable words now.’ Bilbo chuckled as well and she supressed a wince as her ribs reminded her of their current state. ‘If you ever need anything…’ Dwalin trailed off and with a firm nod he stood up again and left Bilbo to wonder about what just transmitted between them.

 

Bilbo noticed that Thorin inquired about the discussion between them when Dwalin approached him, perhaps with a little too much insistence, if the wild hand gesticulation and scowls were enough indication. _‘Jealous dwarves, ridiculous, utterly ridiculous.’_ Bilbo snorted to herself but didn’t have time to observe the exchange as Ori came to her with a shy smile and handed her a bowl of finished stew and a bit of cram. ‘Care to join me for the meal?’ Bilbo patted the place Dwalin abandoned not so long ago.

‘If you wouldn’t mind? I honestly could use a bit of peace now.’ The young scribe said with his usual quiet voice and carefully sat down, mindful not to spill the contents of the bowl. ‘Is Dori fussing too much?’ Bilbo grinned knowingly. Dori was a living definition of mother hen and while his fretting extended to all of the company members, his brothers understandably suffered the most. Ori released a low whine before he nodded. ‘And we didn’t even get to fight the wargs, you see. We were hanging on Gandalf’s staff the whole time.’ Ori explained. ‘Imagine if I really got into that fight like Nori.’ Ori sighed. Nori acquired a nasty cut down his cheek and another above his ear, but he was much more apt to shoo his older brother away than poor little timid Ori.

‘Well, I remember the havoc my parents were able to raise when I as much as grazed a knee while playing outside. And you mentioned that Dori practically raised you? That gives him similar position.’ Bilbo tried to show Ori a different point of view. ‘I know and I understand. But it can be so frustrating sometimes. I don’t say that I don’t appreciate Dori’s care but… I feel like he fails to realize I’m not a dwarfling anymore.’ Ori fidgeted with a loose thread on his knitted mitten. ‘Perhaps you should try to talk to him about it?’ Bilbo suggested. ‘I’m afraid he wouldn’t listen.’ Ori admitted with a despondent expression. ‘Well, you never know unless you try.’ Bilbo shrugged and they continued eating in silence.

 

Bowls emptied, they ended up discussing vivaciously knitting patterns when a shadow was cast upon them. Looking up they found Thorin towering above them with thunderous expression. Ori, jumpy and easily scared as he was, took it as a sign he should leave and did so promptly, without as much as a second glance when he squeaked a quick goodbye. Visibly content to be rid of the scribe Thorin took liberty of filling the now unoccupied place beside Bilbo. ‘Really?’ Bilbo arched her brow at him. Thorin just shrugged noncommittally.

‘You didn’t have to scare the poor lad off.’ She huffed when she concluded Thorin was not going to speak first. ‘It was funny though. And he needs to grow bolder.’ Thorin defended himself weakly. ‘Your methods of lecturing youngsters are quite debatable.’ Bilbo shook her head with a wave of her hand. ‘They always seemed passable with Kíli and Fíli.’ He grumbled. ‘Oh, really?’ Looking at the boys, who were at the moment trying to sneak a frog into Balin’s bedroll, Bilbo had to snicker. ‘Alright, I see your point.’ Thorin chuckled at their merits as well and then winced with pain as he tried to shift closer to her.

‘How bad are your injuries?’ Bilbo felt an urge to strip him down and see for herself, but supressed it quickly. ‘I had worse.’ Thorin evaded the answer and refused to meet her gaze. ‘Thorin?’ She insisted firmly. He sighed and ran a hand through his tangled hair. ‘I’m afraid you would be left in shock about the bruising. And some cuts and those warg bites required stitches.’ Thorin seemed almost sheepish when he lifted his eyes uncertainly. ‘But before you start scolding me again, I didn’t see anyone tend to _your_ wounds. I remember that Azog hit you. You were coughing blood.’ He quickly recovered and turned the conversation elsewhere. ‘I did it myself. I don’t need anyone fussing about me necessarily.’ Bilbo refused to continue on this topic.

 

‘You… Wanted to… Erm.’ Thorin seemed at loss of words. ‘Let me start again. You claimed that I owe you an explanation regarding… dwarven traditions and the concept of Ones?’ It was visibly quite uncomfortable matter for him but Bilbo wouldn’t have mercy with him. ‘Your nephews kindly enlightened me what Ones mean for you dwarves. They also pointed out that everyone in the company except me is in awareness that you are under impression that I’m yours. One, I mean.’ She sent Thorin questioning look. ‘That’s no impression. I knew it for sure from the moment my eyes fell upon you for the first time.’ Thorin murmured with cheeks burning, eyes stubbornly examining his hands.

‘Is that so? Why have you been so unpleasant then? Normally people try to be nice if they like someone.’ At that Thorin’s face turned into frown again. ‘I have a lot on my shoulders. This whole quest, worry about my people left in Ered Luin under the rule of my sister. And then there comes a little halfling. Dancing in front of me and forging relations with everyone while for me you only have disdain.’ Thorin seemed to surprise himself with the sudden outburst. ‘Because you are ridiculous most of the time.’ Bilbo couldn’t prevent a chuckle escaping her lips.

 

‘So that’s what you think of me?’ Thorin accused with a wounded look. ‘Obviously.’ Bilbo shrugged. ‘But I also know that you are exceptionally brave, skilful warrior, caring leader and good king to your people. They wouldn’t follow you on this quest if they didn’t love you. So you can’t be that bad after all.’ She patted his hand reassuringly. Thorin took a chance to grasp her hand in his own. ‘I wanted to ask from the beginning. Why did _you_ join the quest? You disregarded the gold immediately so it couldn’t be prompted with desire to enrich yourself.’ A careful brush on her knuckles.

‘At first I agreed out of boredom and excitement that I would get to see a dragon, if he still happens to be alive. And then… As ill-mannered and rambunctious you lot are, I instantly took liking in all of you. I guess I’ve been on my own for far too long.’ Bilbo confessed and grinned at him. ‘You’re unbelievable. You must be the only person walking Middle-earth that is _excited_ about a prospect of facing Smaug.’ Thorin shook his head with disbelieving chuckle. ‘Well, I always liked to read about foreign countries and the tales of old. Stories of how Túrin slayed Glaurung or the fight between Ëarendil and Ancalagon were one of my favourites. As I read in Rivendell, Smaug is much smaller than dragons of old used to be though.’ Bilbo said matter-of-factly.

‘He’s still pretty damn huge though. I enjoy your stories, by the way.’ Thorin squeezed her hand as he admitted what Bilbo already knew. ‘I noticed you are just like lads in this matter.’ She chuckled and nudged him with shoulder. ‘Yes, lads. I… I thought you liked them better than me. Seeing you together all the time I concluded you’re secretly courting or something akin to that.’ Thorin scratched his chin with a grimace. ‘So that’s why you’ve been sending us nasty looks all the time!’ Realization hit her. ‘As I said, ridiculous.’ She snorted. Thorin only grumbled lowly.

 

‘Well, you couldn’t exactly blame me if I did. They were much nicer to me than you.’ Bilbo then tilted her head thoughtfully. ‘M’sorry.’ Thorin mumbled quickly. ‘Excuse me? I didn’t quite catch that?’ She strained her ears with expectant look. ‘I am sorry. I know that the way I treated you was poor, worse even considering you are my Sanâzyung.’ Thorin squeezed her hand he was still clutching and lifted it to plant a kiss on the knuckles, drawing a giggle out of Bilbo.

‘They seem to love you. Even more than me.’ He added after a while. ‘That’s totally not true. Both Fíli and Kíli look up to you with awe and admiration close to worship. They want to prove themselves to you so desperately. But I’m afraid they miss their mother. And with you being so grumpy all the time…’ Bilbo trailed off with a shrug. Of course she noticed long ago that the lads tended to seek her company much more than Thorin’s just because they needed comforts and a few tender words. ‘Sometimes I forget that they are still almost children. Even though they would deny this mightily.’ Thorin nodded in agreement.

Bilbo wanted to suggest to him to talk with them more often but she noticed approaching Gandalf. ‘Yavanna’s curls. Here comes the conversation I dreaded. I think you should leave us solve this alone.’ Bilbo sighed wistfully. ‘I dare to oppose. You withheld enough information so far. So you better included me. I recall you found something in the goblin tunnels.’ Thorin reacted just the way she predicted. ‘As you wish. But I think you will only end up being confused anyway.’ She mumbled and braced herself for the upcoming troubles.

 

₪₪₪

 

‘So what you say is that this golden band once belonged to Sauron the Deceiver, Dark Lord who waged war against all free nations at the Second age.’ Thorin asked incredulously. Bilbo was right when she told him he would be confused. Bilbo only nodded solemnly while Gandalf seemed deep in worries. ‘How can you know? These are just legends of old.’ Thorin insisted. He only vaguely heard of the Dark Lord and his rings. He remembered just now that his grandfather wore one particularly old that he gave to Thrain before the Battle of Azanulbizar.

Bilbo sighed woefully. ‘Let’s just start from the beginning, I’ll try to be as brief as possible. Sauron used to be a lieutenant of Morgoth Bauglir, originally named Melkor. Morgoth was fallen Ainu, the one from who all the evil on the world of Middle-earth stems. Balrogs, orcs, dragons, all of them are his creations. While Sauron is one of Maia, just like Gandalf here and other wizards of his order. Still following here?’ As Thorin reassured her with a curt nod, she continued. ‘After defeat of Morgoth, Sauron fled and reappeared in disguise between elves. He befriended elves of Eregion and convinced Celebrimbor to forge Rings of power.’ Another nod and Bilbo followed the story.

 

_‘Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,_

_Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,_

_Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,_

_One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne,_

_In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.’_

So Thrór’s ring was made by Sauron? That was disconcerting news. And his father disappeared along with it. ‘Now I imagine you would have more knowledge about dwarven rings. I happen to know what of the elven ones, Narya, Vilya and Nenya, but it is not my place to reveal their bearers for they must remain hidden from Sauron.’ Bilbo’s explanation started to be more and more complicated. ‘As far as my knowledge goes, the last of dwarven rings vanished with Thorin’s father and the rest were destroyed by dragons or lost.’ Gandalf chimed in and pretty much confirmed Thorin’s assumptions.

‘The Nine consumed their masters and the kings of Men became Ringwraiths, the Nazgûl. Their leader is the Witch-king of Angmar. I believe you’ve already heard me mentioning him before.’ Bilbo now shrugged uncomfortably, as if chill went through her body. Thorin shifted closer to pull her towards him and share his body heat with her. ‘So back to the One. That was Sauron’s ultimate weapon, Ring that commanded all others to bend their bearers to his will. When Sauron was defeated by the Last Alliance of elves and men on the plains of Dagorlad, it should have been destroyed. But Isildur, son of Elendil, kept the ring and then it later perished along with the Gondor king on the Gladden Fields not so far from here.’ Bilbo was now clutching on him as if the story-telling was draining her.

‘From now here, it’s only my assumptions. The creature we found down under the Misty Mountains, referring to itself as Gollum, was definitely twisted by some evil. So my belief is that it somehow found the Ring and kept it until I happened to stumble upon it.’ The golden band was sitting on her handkerchief between them, gleaming innocently in the afternoon sun. ‘And are you entirely sure it is the One ring? Saruman believes it was swept into the sea with the river.’ Gandalf asked warily but Thorin knew he didn’t believe the other wizard’s theory very much.

 

_‘Ash nazg durbatulûk,_

_Ash nazg gimbatul,_

_Ash nazg thrakatulûk,_

_Agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.’_

 

Bilbo’s voice again sounded as if it belonged to someone else, dark and full of malice. Thorin shuddered involuntary at the words even if he didn’t understand the meaning. Clearly it was something sinister. Judging by the crestfallen expression Gandalf’s face twisted into, it indeed had to be a proof that the discussed trinket was a Ring of power. ‘That’s what is written on it. The inscription revealed itself to me when I spoke to it, I don’t even know why I did that. Perhaps it goes with… Never mind, that’s not what we need to discuss.’ Bilbo strayed a little from her narrating.

 

_‘One ring to rule them all,_

_One ring to find them,_

_One ring to bring them all_

_And in the darkness bind them.’_

Thorin swallowed thickly and almost felt the Ring whispering those words. Bilbo swiftly covered the thing with the handkerchief and shoved it back into her pocket. So perhaps he wasn’t imagining it after all. ‘That is bad news indeed. We must alert the White council. If the One ring remains and has been found, it means Sauron could rise again should he regain it. And Radagast’s previous discovery denotes that he indeed _is_ still alive and plotting.’ Gandalf looked old now, like the whole world was lying on his hunched shoulders.

‘There is only one solution. The Ring must be destroyed before it gets into wrong hands. I can’t guard it forever, it would drive me insane.’ Bilbo decided solemnly. ‘Well, I’m pretty skilled blacksmith. We can melt the gold once Erebor is retaken in the Great forges and it will be done and over with.’ Thorin suggested, hopeful that he could be of use. ‘I’m afraid that there is only one place on Middle-earth hot enough for the ring to melt and that is Orodruin, Mount Doom. Someone will have to travel to Mordor and throw it down the fires just like Isildur was meant to do.’ Gandalf’s voice was grave and heavy with weariness.

 

They didn’t come up with much else than agreeing that the Ring should stay with Bilbo for the time being and they would keep it secret from the other company members. Bilbo was eerily silent the rest of the day, even Kíli’s and Fíli’s attempts to lift her spirits weren't of much help. She didn’t protest though when Thorin rolled his bedroll next to hers and the lads were only grinning happily as they laid elsewhere. ‘Come here.’ Thorin lay under his blanket and outstretched his arm so she could cuddle against him. Bilbo obeyed without speaking.

‘It’s too risky to have the Ring just like that in your pocket. It could slip out or something. Use this.’ He pulled a thin chain out of his pocket. It was one of the last things Thorin’s family was able to keep when they had to sell most of their jewellery. ‘That’s no silver. Is that…?’ Bilbo inspected the chain and her eyes widened impossibly. ‘Mithril, yes. It’s the strongest and rarest of metals. The Ring will be safe as long as you wear it around your neck.’ Thorin couldn’t resist playing with Bilbo’s curls while she put the ring onto the chain and then he helped her close the fastening.

‘I’m sorry you have to bear this burden. But if Gandalf thinks you are the most capable to do so out of us all, I believe him.’ Thorin lay back down and pulled her closer. ‘Thank you. It’s a very fine chain.’ Bilbo smiled meekly as she snuggled into his chest. ‘I would bestow upon you all the mithril that lies under Khazad-dûm, if it was in my powers. My imralamê deserves only the best.’ Thorin nuzzled affectionately at her curls with his nose. How wonderful it felt to be allowed to do so at last!

‘Oh, hush you, you will make me blush. We should get some sleep.’ Bilbo swatted his arm lightly and buried her burning cheeks further into the fur of Thorin’s coat. ‘Your wish is my command. Good night, ghivasheluh.’ Thorin dared to lift her chin up and seal their lips in a sweet, gentle kiss. Bilbo sighed contently when they parted. ‘Good night, my silly king.’ She whispered and Thorin, able to hold her close after such a long time of longing, knew he would never let her go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Black speech glossary:  
> Shapogub, akashuga! - I will avenge, halfling!  
> Gimbub-latu. - I will find you. (you is plural, meaning the company)  
> Shatûpub asthu-lab agh paûb gijak-lab. - I will crush your bones and drink your blood. (that's purely meant to Bilbo)  
> Plagub kaar-tab agh vurasub vokuk-tab! - I will cut his head and slaughter all of his dwarves. (referring to Thorin)
> 
> Khuzdul glossary:  
> amad - mother  
> adad - father  
> gamul-adad - grandfather  
> Sanâzyung - perfect/true/pure love  
> imralamê - love of mine  
> ghivasheluh - my teasure of all treasures
> 
> M'kay, so after Sindarin and Khuzdul I decided to try my luck with Black speech. And I have to say, it's considerably easier than the former two. I believe it's because the orcs are so stupid. So the main problem is that the vocabulary is so small, half the words I would like to use just don't exist. Duh. 
> 
> ALSO - and that's extremely important - I realized that Charlie Hunnam is the spitting image of Frerin in my head. Blonde, blue eyes, handsome, a bit mischievous, similar to Fíli/Dean... Bloody brilliant, see for yourselves! <https://d1bynyoa6h4b2m.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/tribute-ch.jpg>
> 
> Anyway, thank you again for the comments and kudos! <3 Let me know if you need anything to be explained further. ;) 
> 
>  
> 
> <https://malazuzu22.tumblr.com/>


	6. Chapter 6 - On the Run Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, it took me long enough. I'm truly sorry, I just got Skyrim and it consumes a lot of my time, eh-heh... I hope this chapter was worth waiting though. (:

There was thick, impenetrable darkness all around her when she managed to pry her eyes open, eyelids heavy as if they were made out of lead ore. Bilbo desperately tried to break through the inky blackness engulfing and suffocating her, but to no avail. She couldn’t move, not even an inch, not as much as lifting a little finger. Frightened yell threatened to escape her lips but she wasn’t able to make any sound. _‘Am I dead? What is happening?’_ Her brain was furiously trying to come with any conclusion.

A stream of cold dread jolted down her spine as she felt presence of someone else. She was scared out of her wits, trapped inside immobile body without any chance to escape whatever was threatening her. And she knew the creature next to her indeed had malicious intents. The temperature dropped low suddenly as she felt it hovering above her, barely an inch above her face. Soft green light filled the space Bilbo was kept in as she saw black fingers touching her cheek. Strange thing, she didn’t feel the touch, only cold as if they were made out of ice.

Bilbo couldn’t distinguish what the creature was, it was just a mass of thick blackness with the exception of two hypnotizing glowing green eyes, which – as she realized – were the source of the gloom. Forcefully ripping her eyes off her captor, she scanned the surroundings quickly. It was… a barrow? _‘I’m trapped inside a barrow?! How did I get there…?!’_ Then the memories dawned upon her. ‘ _Of course. Gandalf and his little scheme involving a trip to the Barrow-dawns beyond the Old Forest.’_ Bilbo remembered how she ended up trotting behind the old wizard who wanted to retrieve some ancient artefact here.

But she for the love of Eru couldn’t fathom what exactly went wrong. She only recalled falling asleep, waiting for Gandalf to return, and waking _here_. _‘Darn it!’_ She cursed mentally but her train of thoughts abruptly stopped and her focus returned to the creature, which for a moment disappeared behind her head where she couldn’t see it. Searching her body with her gaze, she found out her clothes was gone and she was dressed only in some ancient looking linen tunic. Her body was also adorned with multiple very old-looking jewels from rings to necklaces.

 

Her pondering about what on earth was happening was interrupted by the creature coming back to her view. In the gloom of its evil eyes an intricately designed dagger gleamed and suddenly Bilbo knew exactly what was happening. It came to stand next to her, holding the dagger in left hand – could it really be called a hand? – while it once more touched her cheek with its right. Bilbo desperately wanted to finch away, to scream on top of her lungs and to get away from it as far as possible, but she couldn’t do anything at all.

Clutching the dagger with both hands now, the creature raised its arms above Bilbo’s thorax, sharp tip of the blade pointing down at her. It started muttering words in unknown and maleficent language and more lights ignited in a circle around them. Then the stream of words stopped and as if in a slow motion Bilbo watched the dagger lowering down and burying inside her chest where the heart was. She was expecting searing pain but only coldness spread from the wound slowly through her veins, blackening her sight.

 

 _‘Dying isn’t that painful after all.’_ She thought numbly as she fought her eyelids to remain opened for a little bit longer before they would shut forever. She recovered from her stupor a little when she heard a blast as if from a great distance as the walls around them collapsed and daylight hurt her eyes. The shriek that the creature released was piercing her eardrums however, mixed with conjuring in mighty voice she remembered hearing before. Her attempts to figure out who the voice belonged to were interrupted rather abruptly.

Sudden pain, thousand times worse than she ever imagined a stab would hurt, filled her entire body, shrieking intensified infinitely, tearing her mind apart like vicious claws. Bilbo’s last thoughts flickered to Bag End where her parents awaited her, doomed never to see her alive again. Green rolling hills of her beloved Shire and peaceful gurgling of the River pushed the shrieks out of her head and then the pain shrank into a small spot where the dagger impaled the flesh. Bilbo passed to the unknown lands of shadows, wandering aimlessly, frightened to her very bones as shadows tried to reach their claws for her, gradually getting closer to devour her body and soul for good.

 

A deep rumbling voice came to her ears, soothing her mind and soul despite everything. She didn’t understand the words though. After a while she recognized it was calling her name. Bilbo made to follow the sound, at least she wanted to but couldn’t decipher which direction the source was. She was running, trying to avoid the shadows, until some weight started slowing her down. Her neck was feeling heavier and heavier, dragging her down to the ground, to crawl on her knees, then to crawl with her face in the dirt, until she couldn’t continue no more, whole neck and chest burning with inner fire, destroying her from inside.

 

 _‘Ash nazg durbatulûk,_ _ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulûk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.’_ Repeated in her head all over again like a mantra. And then it was all gone and she was staring into two pools of impossibly bright blue colour. She sat abruptly and her head collided with something as a thud and muttered curse came from next to her. Taking in the surroundings, Bilbo realized she was on the Carrock. _‘Right. Goblins, Gollum, Azog…’_ Her brain slowly started working again. ‘The Ring!’ Surprised her voice was functioning again, Bilbo completely ignored that someone was speaking to her. Her hands flew to her neck where she last remembered the Ring was, finding nothing and her nails dug into the skin in desperation.

‘Bilbo, stop it, you’re hurting yourself!’ The familiar rambling deep voice commanded her, though with pleading undertone. Having her wrists immobilized by two rather big hands, Bilbo looked up again. Blue eyes, wide and confused and a tad bit terrified. ‘Thorin!’ Bilbo recognized the dwarf king and relief spread across his face. ‘Finally you’re yourself again. You had a nightmare I believe.’ He released her wrists so he could envelop her in his arms. That felt good. Safe. ‘You were oddly rigid though. Not moving at all, just making tiny noises of distress. I tried to wake you up when you started muttering in Black speech, but then the Ring started burning. I had to pull it off.’ Thorin motioned towards the chain with the band lying on the bedroll.

‘I was… Back in the barrow and…’ Overcame with all the emotions her body finally gave away and she started sobbing hysterically into his chest. Thorin only tightened his hold, running soothing circles on her back. ‘It’s all right, whatever happened, you’re here with me now. Will you lie down?’ He pressed a soft kiss on her temple. Bilbo nodded weakly and let herself be scooped into his arms completely and pulled down to lay on the joined bedrolls, clutching on him as on her dear life so she would stay anchored in this world.

‘We should try to sleep some more, it’s still too early. You won’t put that ring back on though. At least not till the morning.’ Thorin murmured into her hair and started scratching her scalp gently. Bilbo was doubtful she would fall asleep again, but she nodded anyway. It was a surprise then, when her eyes closed on their own and she drifted off once more, her mind filled with a lovely velvet voice humming softly an unknown tune.

 

₪₪₪

 

Thorin kept humming long after Bilbo in his arms went limp and relaxed, just to soothe his own mind with an old lullaby his mother used to sing to him when he was a little child afraid of the boogies under the bed. Calming himself enough, he looked down at Bilbo. She was cuddled into the fur of his cloak, breathing evenly and her face was peaceful, almost smiling. Thorin’s chest clenched at the sight. He couldn’t really believe that the most beautiful creature ever walking Middle-earth was his. _’She will be the most precious gem in the whole Erebor once we reclaim her. Âzyungâlê. Yâsithê. Athanê.’_ Although he was getting a bit ahead there, he was determined to make her his queen.

Though it wouldn’t be easy. They had their issues. Thorin was an overthinking lump of grumpiness while Bilbo’s patience for his antics was rather short. Their temperaments clashed quite harshly, if he was honest with himself. There was also the secret involving her unusual abilities. Bilbo was obviously someone special, Thorin had yet to coax out of her what the source of her strange powers was, but it was undeniable they were unique. At least Thorin never heard of anyone who would be able to get into someone’s head and read his mind. It also made sense that she could predict certain things. Perhaps she was some kind of a seer? A psychic? _‘Could she read_ my _mind?’_ An uncomfortable idea flashed through Thorin’s head. Be it as may, they had also the matter of the Ring at their hands. It would have to be resolved once the Mountain was reclaimed.

Somehow Thorin was still confident it could be done. He had to believe after all, who else if not the leader of their company? He valued his companions dearly, for they were the ones most loyal and proved their faith in him many times during their journey. At first he regretted taking youngsters (meaning Fíli, Kíli and Ori) with them but even those boys proved to be useful, soaking the experiences like sponges. They would make strong, dependable and respectable members of the court. Thorin would see to it so they would all get appropriate positions and honours, no matter that Ur’s were simple miners before the quest or Nori had a _very_ shady past.

 

Coming back in his thoughts to Bilbo, he nuzzled his whole face in her soft curls. She didn’t even stir. Of course Thorin was conscious of the fact that she was a hobbit. That meant many members of old families, who would no doubt descend on him like vultures and demand their old positions at the court despite the fact that they didn’t as much as lift a finger to contribute to the success of the quest, would have objections. Talks about outsiders, mixing of blood and what not. What a nonsense. Thorin never imagined he would have any children, he always claimed his nephews as good as his own and Fíli was the next in line. But now the possibility made him positively giddy.

 _‘Getting ahead again there, oaf.’_ He inwardly scolded himself but still couldn’t shake the idea off. Would their children be more like hobbits or dwarves? Or perhaps a mix of both? Like a dwarfling with adorable curly hair and furred feet after Bilbo and sturdier and taller frame after him? Thorin caught himself grinning widely and snorted. Dís always used to say he was an old sap deep under that gruff exterior. Perhaps she was right because he spent the rest of the dead early morning hours pondering about what ifs and possibilities deriving from his and Bilbo’s future relationship.

 

He decided to wake Bilbo up again just when the sun was rising on the horizon. She muttered something very much resembling a curse when he gently shook her shoulders and slapped haphazardly around (hitting his face successfully) when he attempted again. Finally she gave up and creaked her eyes open. ‘What is it, you disturber of peaceful sleep?’ Bilbo grumbled, blinking owlishly. ‘I want you to see something.’ Thorin smiled at his adorable cranky burglar and instead of making her stand up, he just grabbed an armful of a hobbit wrapped in a cocoon of blankets and went over to the edge of the cliff.

The fact that Bilbo didn’t even try to squirm out of his hold verified for Thorin that she was still half asleep. He sat down carefully with his precious cargo deposited on his lap. ‘The sun is about to rise, faham-halâtunz. You see that peak far, far away right before us?’ He pointed his finger the desired way. Bilbo hummed quietly, resting her head on his shoulder. ‘That is our destination. Erebor, the Lonely Mountain. My homeland.’ Thorin’s voice was thick with emotions as he unconsciously squeezed Bilbo tighter.

‘Oh! It is?’ Bilbo suddenly appeared to be much more awake and alert, curious little creature she was. ‘Yes. So much time passed since my sight landed upon her for the last time. Sometimes I didn’t even hope to see Erebor again.’ Thorin was absentmindedly running his hand up and down Bilbo’s back. ‘Well, let’s hope the worst is behind us and the rest of our journey will be blissfully uneventful and at the end only a dragon skeleton will be waiting for us.’ Bilbo leaned into the touch and pressed a chaste kiss on Thorin’s cheek that made his heart skip a few beats. It was a wishful thinking indeed and Thorin knew it would be too good to be truth, but a dwarf could hope, right? At least sometimes.

 

Feeling encouraged by the previous kiss, he lowered his head down to ravish his burglar’s plump lips. He didn’t anticipate the loud growl of Bilbo’s stomach that made the two of them burst out a laugh and then curse at their hurting wounds, ruining the moment rather successfully. ‘I guess a breakfast is in order then. Can’t have you starved, it is enough you had to cut down your daily meals already.’ Thorin chuckled. He was truly astonished when Bilbo revealed to Ori, who inquired about some hobbit customs, that she was accustomed to have seven meals a day.

‘And a wise choice it is indeed. You don’t want to deal with a hangry hobbit if you hold your life dear.’ Bilbo giggled into his neck. ‘Hangry?’ Thorin raised his brows questioningly. ‘Angry because of being hungry. Lack of food can change any hobbit’s mood rather drastically. It could as well be translated as _‘feed me or I’ll kill you’_.’ She promptly elaborated with a mischievous smile dancing on her lips, making those lovable dimples on her cheeks visible. ‘Mahal, take all the food you want then. I’m not going to take any risks.’ Thorin chuckled, unable to resist the urge to feel those dimples under his fingertips.

Bilbo’s cheeks flushed a delightful shade of pink under his ministrations. She looked positively edible. ‘Could I still get a kiss or breakfast is a priority?’ Thorin was willing to jest with her. Bilbo tilted her head and pretended to think about it. ‘I suppose we could manage a little snog in the first rays of sunshine, being all romantic and so on.’ She finally delivered her verdict and effectively cut out any Thorin’s reply by pressing her mouth on his in rather passionate manner, preventing him from forming any coherent thoughts for foreseeable amount of time.

 

₪₪₪

 

Dwarves were definitely infinitely frustrating creatures. Ever since the Carrock scene and that Thorin’s kissing stunt, the whole company were giving her meaningful looks, eyebrows waggles and wide gleeful grins. Even her death glare didn’t seem to dissuade their jolly antics. As predicted, boys were ecstatic about the turn of events. ‘Can we call you Aunt Bilbo now? Can we?’ Kíli pleaded with puppy eyes. Fíli next to him tried to retain image of being annoyed by Kíli’s ideas, but Bilbo saw right through him, he was just as eager to claim her as his aunt as well.

As it was, Bilbo didn’t feel like jumping into these matters head first. Yes, she could perhaps be persuaded to start a proper courtship – putting aside thoughts of inevitable conversation revealing the nature of her condition before such a thing could be even decided upon – but things were escalating far too quickly for her taste. ‘I don’t think it would be appropriate at the moment, lads.’ She refused them gently but firmly. ‘Awww. But you will allow us in the future, right?’ Kíli’s shoulders slumped a little. ‘Perhaps. But that is a thing we need to talk about with your uncle.’ Bilbo felt uncomfortable discussing it at the moment.

 

Glancing at their mentioned uncle, he was currently preoccupied with ordering his dwarves around as they were packing their camp and getting ready to set off again. Bilbo remembered she wanted to give him something. ‘Don’t leave anything behind boys. Better double check now than being sorry later.’ She instructed and went over to their esteemed leader. Thorin’s glowering immediately turned into a small smile when he spotted her approach, gaining him an elbow to his ribs accompanied with a shit-eating grin from Dwalin. ‘Could you come with me? I have something for you.’ Bilbo gestured towards her own still scattered possessions.

‘What is it, ghivashel?’ Thorin asked as he fell into step with her. Bilbo very much wanted to know what the nicknames he kept giving her meant, but wasn’t sure it was polite to ask considering the fierce secretiveness of dwarves where khuzdul was the concern. ‘I managed to salvage your ridiculous Oakenshield. It’s a bit burned, but still in a good condition I guess.’ Bilbo unwrapped said shield out of the blanket and handed it to Thorin. ‘I… Thank you. I thought it lost for good.’ Thorin stammered out, eyes soft. ‘It would probably be left behind if I didn’t stumble upon it. My thumb wasn’t very thankful about that. I wanted to give it back to you before we set off so I wouldn’t have to drag it. It’s pretty heavy.’ Bilbo was aware she was rambling now, distracted by the brilliant smile Thorin casted upon her.

‘You have my thanks, really. It means a lot to me. Even if you consider it _laughable._ ’ He said the last bit with mock-annoyed face before he pecked her lips with a reward kiss. ‘I assumed as much. It will be a treasured artefact of Erebor one day.’ Bilbo cackled at the idea of dwarves worshipping that piece of wood and retelling the glorious deeds of courageous and brave king Thorin II. ‘I’d rather not know what you find so funny. Do you need any help packing?’ Thorin changed the subject and assured Bilbo could take care of herself, thank you very much, she hushed him back to bark some more orders.

 

 

Despite all the wounds they set up pretty quick pace, aware of their hunters being swifter on top of wargs. All the while Thorin was progressively more irritating her, trying to wrestle Bilbo’s backpack from her and carry it for her any suitable occasion. He also barely left her side and she felt his eyes following her all the time when he wasn’t next to her. Needless to say her patience ran thin fairly quickly. ‘Thorin, for Eru’s sake! I’ve carried my bag up until now without slightest problem, will you knock it off already?’ She burst out when they took a short break for lunch and her bag somehow vanished. It took some more yelling and threatening before he reluctantly handed it back and he kept shooting her wounded glances the rest of the day. _‘Thorin the Ridiculous.’_ Bilbo insisted her nickname fitted him better than Oakenshield.

 

It took precisely a day and a half before they heard familiar howling of wargs some leagues behind. It was night and they were hiding among some rocky slopes when Thorin reluctantly sent her scout Azog’s position. The pack was far too close but that wasn’t the only problem. Crouched behind a boulder she spotted a huge creature, something bear-like, looking the way where the orc pack was and then releasing thundering roar of fury. Bilbo shuddered and scurried back to their hiding point before it could smell her.

‘How far is the pack?’ Thorin was upon her the moment she set her foot to their impromptu campsite, wrapping his arms around her to assure himself she was fine. Bilbo bit back any remark about him being so overprotective. ‘Very close, they will soon reach us, I fear.’ She answered truthfully. ‘But that’s not the only thing…’ She meant to report on the beast when Gandalf interrupted. ‘Did they see you?’ He furrowed his bushy brows. ‘No, of course they didn’t, who do you take me for? But there is something else lurking out there. Big, very big furred creature.’ She wiggled out of Thorin’s grasp and turned to face Gandalf. Though Thorin immediately latched himself on her from behind. Bilbo repressed a sigh.

‘What form did it have? Like a huge bear?’ Gandalf asked warily. ‘Yes, how do you…?’ Bilbo wondered briefly while Gandalf very much tried to seem innocent, failing miserably. ‘You know what, I don’t even want to know. The thing is, we need to find a shelter and quickly.’ She shushed any excuse he might think of. ‘There is a house we might take refuge in.’ Gandalf said at length. ‘Whose house? Friend or foe?’ Thorin demanded. ‘Neither. But we don’t have any choice but try, I’m afraid.’ Gandalf concluded. And thus they were running.

 

It was exhausting, but with enemies on their heels no one dared to complain. They finally got to a long clearing and saw fence so tall Bilbo would describe it as regular fortifications, presumably surrounding the house they intended to hide in. Bilbo was astonished how fast rather spatially significant Bombur was able to run when they had not only their enemies, but suddenly even the huge bear-like creature on their heels. They ran past gardens and beehives but the front door were barred.

Surprisingly, it was Thorin who noticed a small push bolt that was denying them access into the relative safety of the building and he pushed through his dwarves frantically bashing their fists into the wooden door to lift it. It was a close call too, because just as Gandalf slipped through the door as the last of them, the beast was upon them and they had a hard time to push the door closed and barred again. ‘Gandalf, what the heck is this?’ Bilbo turned to the wizard. It looked terrifying, but she didn’t feel any presence of darkness she would expect, so it couldn’t be one of Morgoth’s creations. ‘That is our host.’ Gandalf answered simply.

The rest of the company turned to them with disbelieving and incredulous faces. ‘He’s called Beorn and he’s a skin-changer.’ Gandalf elaborated nonchalantly, as if Beorn didn’t attempt to shred them into pieces mere seconds ago. ‘What does it mean, a skin-changer?’ Ori looked genuinely curious. ‘It’s obvious, he’s under some dark spell. It cannot be natural.’ Dori shifted closer to Ori protectively. ‘Don’t be a fool, Master Dori, he’s under no enchantment.’ Bilbo rolled her eyes. ‘That means that he can change forms between a huge black bear and a strong, tall man.’ Gandalf provided brief clarification.

 

‘Well, let us hope that the man can be reasoned with easier than his bear form.’ Bilbo grumbled lowly. That was just Gandalf’s style to keep things like this from the rest of them. ‘We should hope so. For now, we should rest. We will be safe here tonight.’ Gandalf patted her shoulder and disappeared in the depths of the house. Her whole body hurting and longing for some rest at last, Bilbo didn’t shilly-shally outside and went after him, only to be pushed behind Thorin’s back as he insisted to scan the perimeter or whatever he thought he was doing. Too tired to tell him off Bilbo just let him have it his way.

Allowed in at last, as Thorin declared the house safe enough, Bilbo’s jaw dropped as her eyes took in the beautiful interior. Almost everything was made out of wood, decorated with stunning carvings of animals. Gandalf didn’t lie when he described the man as tall, because Bilbo felt like an ant next to the furnishings scaled to the Master of the house height. Also many living animals could be found within the household, from dogs and goats to chicken and horses neighing outside.

 

Although the house had several rooms they could split, they decided to sleep together on the hayloft. Bilbo dropped her backpack down and immediately unrolled her bedroll so she could snuggle in and get some blissful sleep. She didn’t even particularly care about the food Bombur and Bofur set to prepare in the skin-changer’s kitchen. She was drifting off when something heavy landed next to her and two strong hands pulled her towards a furnace warm body. Bilbo didn’t have to open her eyes to know from the smell of metal and strong pipeweed it was Thorin. And to be honest, no one else would dare to touch her like this out of fear of the dwarf king’s wrath. Even Fíli and Kíli kept their appropriate (well, more or less) distance now that Thorin was openly affectionate towards her.

‘How are you feeling, gayadê, what about your injuries?’ Thorin murmured into her ear and effectively sent shivers down her spine. ‘M’just fine, let me get my beauty sleep.’ Bilbo mumbled as she cuddled closer to him, making him huff a laugh that resonated deep in his chest right under her head. ‘Are you attempting to drive me insane? If you get any more beautiful I might not resist the urge to hide you from the rest of the world so no one could snatch you away from me.’ He ran a hand through her curls.

‘Don’t you even think about that, Thorin Oakenshield. I’m not a piece of treasure you could lock away. Nor an exotic animal to be kept in luxurious cage.’ Bilbo peered at him with one eye opened and a small frown. ‘That I know. It is also one of the main reasons you enchanted me. I expected an entirely different person from what Gandalf told me about hobbits. Meek, soft, cowardly.’ Thorin admitted with a strangely proud undertone. ‘I may be more of a Took than a Baggins after all.’ Bilbo shrugged. ‘What does it mean?’ Thorin raised a brow questioningly.

‘There are many clans among hobbits, well known for their specific traits. While Bagginses are famous for their sense of propriety and politeness, Tooks are notoriously known as an adventurous and rambunctious sort. It was quite a surprise my parents ended up together.’ Bilbo chuckled as she remembered how easily some of the Baggins relatives got swept off their feet by Belladonna even years after the wedding. ‘Ah, I see. There are clans between dwarves as well. Me and my family belong to Longbeards, Durin’s folk, descending from Durin himself.’ Thorin hummed in understanding.

 

Bilbo decided to coax more information about his family out of him. ‘Tell me something about your sister.’ She extended her hand to stroke his bearded cheek. Thorin tensed under her for a moment. ‘Uh, well, Dís is the youngest of us, also a female – you probably heard dwarrowdames are rare amongst us. So she got considerably spoiled as a princess.’ Thorin said at length. ‘She’s terribly inventive when it comes to pranks and various mischiefs, that trait Fíli and Kíli inherited from her. She almost always got away with everything.’ He chuckled and recalled a prank involving putting itchy powder into their grandfather’s robes the day he was supposed to meet with the Elvenking. ‘She’s also pig-headed and used to always have her way.’ He grimaced shortly.

‘But she’s a great warrior too, skilled with a war-hammer. Years after Smaug hardened her a lot. She snatched Víli away by saving his life when she killed a warg about to bite his head off.’ He continued quietly. ‘They loved each other so much. Fíli takes after him with looks, only he had brown eyes. But the lad also resembles Frerin a lot.’ Thorin seemed unusually forthcoming this evening. Bilbo found out from Balin that Frerin was not mentioned for decades before the Carrock argument. ‘She didn’t want us to come. While Dís loved Erebor dearly, she seems to be content in Blue Mountains. I thought she was going to gut me when boys found out and insisted they would come with me.’ Thorin winced at the memory.

‘I think it’s good for them. They need to learn much if they are to become strong leaders of your people. But I also understand your sister’s point of view. Mothers are made to fear for their children and she already lost so much in her life.’ Bilbo mused, Thorin’s short beard running in between her fingers. ‘I’m sure she would love you. You seem to have similar sense of dry humour.’ Thorin blurted out. ‘I’m not sure though it you two meeting wouldn’t be the end of the world.’ He added a bit stiffly, most likely running various scenarios in his head, before he shrugged them off. Bilbo was too tired at that point to continue the conversation any further. ‘I’d love to meet her then.’ She needled Thorin a little before she bid him good night and finally drifted off.

 

₪₪₪

 

Bilbo woke up to the commotion in the house and realized she was lacking her dwarven pillow as well as the chain around her neck was now stuffed into her pocket instead. She smiled to herself how considerate Thorin was and stood up to get some food and satisfy her peckish stomach. As she nibbled on cram – she never grew to particularly like the thing, finding lembas much better (not that she could possibly say that out loud) – Gandalf sat heavily next to her. ‘Good morning, my dear Bilbo.’ A fleeting smile flickered on his face before he grew serious. ‘I take it the Master of the house is back?’ Bilbo guessed and Gandalf nodded.

‘Yes, he’s outside, chopping wood. The fact we are all still alive is a very good sign, but we still need to introduce ourselves properly to our host.’ Gandalf was fiddling with his pipe. ‘Alright, what’s the catch?’ Bilbo could tell when something was amiss. ‘He may not be terribly fond of dwarves.’ Gandalf grimaced shortly as Bilbo snorted mirthlessly. ‘Splendid. Now he has only thirteen under his roof.’ She said gloomily as she munched on the dwarven bread. ‘And not the sharpest of their race too.’ She pulled an unimpressed face as she watched Kíli lighting his own pipe while sitting on the pile of hay. She yelled at him to extinguish it at once. The last thing they wanted was to burn their host’s house down to ashes.

‘What do you suggest then?’ Thorin’s deep voice sounded from behind the two of them. ‘We need to introduce in small doses. Last person to startle him was torn to pieces.’ Gandalf decided warily. ‘With a sufficient amount of charm we can handle it.’ Bilbo tried to placate them a bit. ‘Which is why I suggest you and me to go first and then the rest should follow in pairs when I give a signal.’ Gandalf suddenly beamed at her. Bilbo just sighed with a longsuffering expression. ‘One day, I’m going to set your hat on fire for all the jeopardy I suffer because of you.’ She grumbled irritably but she couldn’t help but agree.

 

Thorin naturally didn’t want to let Bilbo endanger herself as the first of them, but she cut the discussion quickly. ‘Thorin, are you by any chance trying to imply you are more skilled with words than me or Gandalf?’ She smiled at him sweetly when he suggested going instead of her. ‘Uh, what? No, I wouldn’t… Obviously you are…’ He stammered, not finding right words. ‘Then kindly please step aside and let us get over with it.’ She pushed and Thorin relented. Not before hugging her tightly and instructing how to fight someone much taller than her though.

 

Bilbo felt his eyes on the back of her head when she stepped out of the house, partially hidden behind Gandalf. For Bilbo any average man was entirely too tall, but Beorn was, without stretching the truth, a real giant. He had his back to them as he lifted his axe and split a thick block of wood with one swift movement. His arms were bare and the muscles flexed impressively with the motion. He was quite hairy, shortly a bear of a man even in his human form. Bilbo wasn’t truly terrified, but Beorn radiated aura that commanded one to hold a natural respect towards him.

‘Good morning.’ Gandalf chirped pleasantly, even though Bilbo could say from his stiff posture he was a bit nervous. That was possibly the first time to see him like this and it made her smirk. Beorn didn’t acknowledge them at all. Gandalf ran a nervous hand through his long hair and said greetings again. Bilbo quickly schooled her expression as Beorn chose to turn to them ever so slightly. ‘Who are you?’ He glanced at Gandalf as he leaned on his axe. His voice was deep, even deeper than Thorin’s, slightly resembling growling. Bilbo could say from his tense posture he was on high alert and any smallest mistake would lead to their swift death.

‘Oh. I am Gandalf the Grey, a wizard.’ Gandalf bowed to him. This day Bilbo was probably bound to see Gandalf for the first time in many situations. He never was a sort for any propriety so Gandalf _bowing_ to anyone was something to remember. ‘Never heard of you.’ Beorn scoffed shortly. ‘Perhaps you are acquainted with one of my colleagues, Radagast the Brown?’ Gandalf tried quickly. That seemed to be a right track. ‘I know that fellow. A bit foolish, but he likes nature, as well as I do.’ Beorn nodded curtly. ‘What do you want?’ He turned to them fully and took a step closer, towering above Gandalf who himself was impossibly tall if Bilbo would be asked to describe him to anyone.

 

‘I simply wish to thank you for your hospitality. You probably noticed we took refuge in your house as we were hunted by the orcs.’ Gandalf continued, maintaining a pleasant smile on his face. ‘We?’ Beorn inquired with brows lifted. ‘Ah, yes. Me and Miss Baggins here.’ That was obviously a clue for Bilbo to come out from behind Gandalf. Beorn’s eyes snapped at her quickly. He was staring at her intensely for a while before he crouched (still holding his axe). ‘Who is this little creature? You are not a dwarf, are you?’ He growled her way. ‘Good gracious, of course I’m not. I don’t even want to imagine that.’ Bilbo blurted out and then winced. But to her surprise, Beorn barked a short laugh at that.

‘I’m a hobbit, if you ever heard of them. Though I feel I should inform you that there are, in fact, several dwarves in our group.’ Bilbo dared to confess. At that Dwalin and Balin stepped through the door and bowed to Beorn, who quickly stood up again and lifted his axe again. ‘You call two several?’ He gritted through his barred teeth mainly at Gandalf, who was closer to his height. Bilbo shuffled her legs as Kíli and Fíli were obviously shoved out by someone and they blurted _‘at your service’_ in their practiced unison at Beorn. ‘I have no need of your services!’ He shouted at them. ‘Understandable. Our little troop wouldn’t even dream of it.’ Gandalf smiled thinly.

‘And you count six individuals as a troop?’ Beorn asked incredulously. ‘Well…’ Gandalf didn’t have enough time to finish before Óin and Glóin walked into Beorn’s vision. The skin-changer only growled lowly as he barred his teeth once more. Bilbo concluded this was going to get out of hand at this rate. ‘Excuse me, Master Beorn. I can see your patience with pesky wizards is not much bigger than mine. There are, actually, thirteen dwarves in our company.’ She decided to just go with honesty. ‘Thirteen? They should come out at once instead of cowering then!’ Beorn roared towards his house. Finally the rest of the company stumbled out, all of them bowing awkwardly.

 

‘So a group of thirteen dwarves, a wizard and a hobbit. That sounds like a bad joke. What is your business in these lands?’ Beorn crouched to see Bilbo eye to eye (not that it would help a lot as he was still taller) when his intense gaze scanned the group of dwarves, obviously dismissing Gandalf. ‘We encountered goblins in the Misty Mountains and shortly after that a group of orcs on wargs, as you probably noticed our pursuers.’ Bilbo answered truthfully.

‘Goblins? Stupid thing to venture close to them. What madness drove you into dealing with those nasty creatures?’ Beorn interrogated her further. ‘Ask him.’ Bilbo glowered and pointed at Thorin. ‘I told him not to go into that cave. It was a trap.’ She rolled her eyes with a huff. ‘But Gandalf here managed to kill their king while fighting the way out of their nest. I imagine it angered the buggers quite a lot.’ Bilbo had the nerve to chuckle. Surprisingly, even Beorn guffawed shortly.

 

‘You killed the goblin king? I think that’s a story worth my attention, little bunny. You shall tell me and then I will decide if you speak the truth or you are just pulling my leg.’ Beorn nodded decidedly and stretched to his full height again. ‘Little bunny?’ Bilbo squawked, mildly offended. ‘Aye. You are very little and your nose twitches just like bunny’s.’ Beorn winked at her with a grin and suddenly her legs were dangling dangerously high above the ground as he lifted her with one hand and deposited her on his shoulders. Bilbo squeaked in surprise and she saw how Dwalin and Dori were restraining Thorin to stay calm as Beorn walked into the house.

He got himself a tankard of ale before he sat down in his huge chair with Bilbo on his lap, presumably as a captive. ‘Excuse me? I don’t think we are acquainted enough so you could manhandle me into sitting on your lap.’ Bilbo fumed out loud, glaring at the skin-changer challengingly. ‘I mean no offense, little bunny. But seeing how your dwarves react to that it will ensure they won’t try anything foolish. I would hate to lay a finger on you, you are entertaining.’ Beorn pretty much confirmed her assumptions. ‘Now, proceed. I want to hear that story you promised me.’ He took a big gulp of the ale and looked at the group of visibly angry dwarves expectantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Khuzdul glossary:  
> âzyungâlê - my lover  
> yâsithê - my wife  
> athanê - my queen  
> faham-halâtunz - bumblebee  
> ghivashel - treasure of all treasures  
> gayadê - my joy
> 
> So, a brief nighmare-flashback as to how Bilbo got her powers in the first place. Sort of. Full explanation to follow, perhaps with the next chapter? I shall hope it was satisfactory. Any questions? :D
> 
> Beorn, yaaay! I personally love Beorn. That's why I decided to give him at least one and a half of his own chapters. I also can't help sneaking in some fluff as Thorin is a sap, just as Dís claims. And of course Bilbo would get irritated by his protectiveness now he's allowed to act according to his feelings. I adore the two of them so much! (´▽`ʃƪ)♡
> 
> Tell me, what do you think of their interactions! (: I was waiting for any thoughts on the Carrock scene and the lack of them dissappointed me a little, I'm not sure if the chapter wasn't good? Re-reading it several times I ended up quite satisfied with it. (I'm certainly not whining here). 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for the kudos, comments an all! (:
> 
>  <https://malazuzu22.tumblr.com/>


	7. Chapter 7 - Beorn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very productive these days, sorry for the delay again... Enjoy!

Everything inside Thorin was raging. He was afraid for his hobbit the moment she compelled him into letting her speak with Beorn. Bilbo was so tiny compared with the man that she could easily run between his legs and she wouldn’t even have to bend her head down. The skin-changer was obviously brutally strong, he could snap her neck with one movement if he chose so. Thorin concluded it would make them a lot of trouble to take him down if the need arose.

 

He was watching through the window as Gandalf, obviously nervous himself, tried to maintain pleasant conversation with the irritated skin-changer. Thorin tensed impossibly when Beorn focused on Bilbo but Dwalin’s and Balin’s arrival divided his attention away from her. He didn’t hear the whole conversation between the huge man, wizard and his little Bilbo, however he could see that Beorn grew gradually angrier and angrier with every pair of dwarves appearing before him. ‘So much for Gandalf being charming and what not.’ Thorin huffed in disdain.

Loud roar commanding them to come out at once made them all get out of the house. Inspecting them closely, Beorn crouched down in front of Bilbo again, speaking with her quietly. Thorin tightened his hands into fists with such close proximity between her and the skin-changer. Dwalin noticed his fury and patted his shoulder to calm him down a bit. ‘Don’t worry, Thorin. Bilbo is too clever and witty to anger him. She’ll be alright.’ He tried to encourage him. Thorin regretted they obeyed the wizard and left all of their weapons inside so they would look more trustworthy, but he forced himself to relax a little.

 

That was until Beorn roared a loud laugh and hauled Bilbo up to deposit her on his shoulders. She was visibly distressed and every instinct in him commanded Thorin to go and rescue his beloved out of the clutches of the man who dared to lay a finger on her. However his actions were obviously predicted by his companions, as Dori and Dwalin – the two strongest of the company – jumped on him to restrain him. ‘Let go of me, I have to help Bilbo!’ Thorin was fuming and fighting wildly to free himself. ‘You will not help her any if you attack Beorn and startle him, he may accidentally hurt her too. I assure you he has no intentions to cause her any harm unless you force him. Now we have to do as he says.’ Gandalf stalked over to them, levelling Thorin with stern, disapproving frown.

Thorin meant to argue but decided it would be easier for him to pretend he calmed down. So he only glared back defiantly with jaws and fists clenched. Gandalf watched him for a moment before he shook his head and followed the skin-changer inside the house. ‘Right, we can’t leave Bilbo alone with him. Don’t do anything stupid, Thorin. For her own sake if not for the sake of others.’ Balin gave him one of his lecturing looks, then granted the same to Fíli and Kíli, who too were gritting their teeth, and the company reluctantly shuffled inside.

 

Seeing Bilbo, _his One, his and only his_ , sitting on the skin-changer’s lap made Thorin’s blood boil. Bilbo was glaring at Beorn, demanding to be put down. Beorn just placated her not to be afraid unless any of her friends did something foolish and then demanded the story about goblins to be told. ‘I will have no dealings with anyone forcing us into collaboration while holding a member of our company as a captive.’ Thorin spat back at him. Gandalf and Balin released a unison sigh. ‘Thorin, you are forgetting we already used our dear host’s hospitality. A story in exchange for that is not a high price to pay.’ Balin smiled thinly at him, brilliant diplomat he was.

‘It’s not appropriate at all to touch Miss Baggins like that! He should release her at once!’ Kíli demanded loudly, siding with Thorin, supported by several grunts from Fíli, Bofur, Dwalin and surprisingly Ori. ‘Thank you for your concern, Kíli, but I assure you I am just fine. Not a hair misplaced on my head. Just get on with it so I could be released again.’ Bilbo chimed in while the skin-changer watched the whole exchange with amused smirk. ‘But…’ Thorin started again, only to be cut off by Bilbo’s glare. ‘No butts. Be polite guests and entertain your host if he asks for it.’ She widened her eyes to emphasize she wasn’t in the mood to argue any further.

 

‘Now we've settled the dispute, I shall begin with the story then.’ Gandalf beamed falsely at the both parties and sat down on the bench. Beorn listened to his story-telling intently, interrupting here and there to pose more questions. It was obvious he was intrigued more and more as the story progressed. ‘…and the Great goblin asked me, what am I to do now. So I charged with my staff and then gutted him and slit his fatty throat!’ Gandalf described how he got rid of the goblin king. ‘Bet that surprised the fat bugger!’ Beorn guffawed, slapping his thigh. ‘Aye, that it did. But those disgusting subordinates of his got mad after that.’ Dwalin grumbled lowly.

It was well after midday when Gandalf ended the story with arrival to Carrock. ‘So the Defiler still lives. I thought as much.’ Beorn scratched his chin. ‘How do you know of Azog?’ Thorin inquired. ‘My people lived in the mountains before the orcs came down from the north. Not only they decimated our population, but Azog seemed to enjoy caging skin-changers and using us for sport.’ Beorn answered curtly and the chain on his wrist rattled meaningfully. ‘I’m really sorry to hear that. What about the rest of your people?’ Bilbo said sincerely, squeezing his fingers.

‘I managed to escape many years ago. What became of the rest of my kin, I do not know. But I do not hold much hope they are still alive.’ Beorn smiled ruefully at her. Heavy silence stretched for several moments before Beorn collected himself again. ‘Your story, however, amused me greatly. I don’t like dwarves, but any enemies of orcs are welcome here. I need yet to prove it to myself that you didn’t make everything up but for now you can stay. Make yourself at home.’ He lifted Bilbo with one hand again while he stood up and brought her up to his eye level again. ‘There is something unusual about you, little bunny. We may talk again later.’ Then he put her on the ground, ruffled her hair and went outside.

 

The whole company was upon her in a blink. ‘Bilbo, are you alright? He didn’t hurt you, did he?’ Fíli demanded. ‘Of course he didn’t.’ Bilbo rolled her eyes, uncomfortable with all the poking and prodding. Thorin finally pushed through the numerous bodies and engulfed Bilbo in a bear hug. ‘Kurdel! I’m so sorry I couldn’t help you, they held me back. No one will ever disrespect you again in my presence.’ He pressed a light kiss on her forehead. ‘Stop fretting and don’t give any promises you can’t keep. Beorn had his reasons, you lot seemed ready to break a fight.’ Bilbo was visibly peeved at this point.

‘He took you as a captive, did you expect me to sit idly?’ Thorin felt rightfully irate. ‘No but… Good gracious, you’re a king. You need to be more diplomatic.’ Bilbo rolled her eyes at him. ‘Well, excuse me that I feared for you!’ Thorin spat and stepped back away from her. Realizing what he just said in front of his whole company, his irk even rose. ‘And I don’t need any burglar’s advice how to behave as a king!’ He growled lowly and stalked out into the garden, followed by curious gazes of his now silent companions. ‘Little bunny. It’s quite fitting.’ He heard Kíli’s snickering breaking the silence from the distance, no doubt he was rewarded with very crossed glare for that.

 

₪₪₪

 

Bilbo had a habit of baking when she needed to calm down. Even in the skin-changer’s house it wasn’t an exception. He said they could make themselves at home right? No harm done to use some of his flour, eggs, honey and fruits. ‘Mmm, those are delicious. Best cookies I've ever had.’ Dwalin popped another honey cookie into his mouth even though Bilbo just pulled them out of the oven and they were still too hot. ‘Hush. You will burn your tongue.’ Bilbo chuckled despite herself as crumbles stuck in Dwalin’s moustache and beard. ‘Nonsence. Gimme another.’ Dwalin demanded gruffly when Bilbo put them into a bowl and out of his reach.

‘Alright. But you should take two of them to Ori.’ Bilbo tilted her head. Dwalin’s ears took quite an interesting shade of red. ‘Why… Erm… Why would I do that?’ He stammered out, not knowing what to do with his hands. ‘I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.’ Bilbo smiled slyly. ‘Well, if you say so…’ Dwalin shrugged and took three cookies from her, not quite meeting her gaze. ‘Good luck. Try to be nice, do not scare him.’ Bilbo encouraged him with a wink that made the redness spread across his cheeks as well. ‘Aye, I won’t.’ Dwalin grunted and stalked out of the kitchen.

 

‘So you noticed he fancies our shy scribe as well?’ Balin was leaning on the doorframe on the other side of the room when Bilbo turned around. ‘Yup, I registered a few hints. From both parties, actually.’ Bilbo smiled, burying her fingers into shortbread dough. ‘Yes, they’ve been dancing around each other even before the quest. Lucky Dori still didn’t connect the dots.’ Balin went over and tasted one of the cookies. ‘Although it’s Dwalin out of the two of us who has the sweet tooth, these really are exceptionally good.’ He gave appreciative nod while munching. ‘Why, thank you. So why they didn’t do anything about the attraction so far?’ Bilbo was now curious. She wasn’t a terrible gossiper like most of the Shire, but this was a topic concerning her friends’ happiness, right?

‘There are several reasons, in fact. The first, most obvious, is that Ori was too young back then, and he’s still barely of age now.’ Balin nibbled on another cookie. ‘Another obvious reason is that Dori is overprotective where his brothers are the concern and not to be trifled with when in his mother hen mode.’ Bilbo and Balin shared a laugh at that. ‘And the last, less obvious reason? They are simply both terribly shy.’ The white-haired dwarf shook his head fondly. ‘Dwalin and shy? Wouldn’t say that at all.’ Bilbo arched her brows in surprise. ‘He may be a fierce and fearless warrior but when it comes to relationships, he’s quite clueless. Much like Thorin, I suppose. It was giving me quite a grief to watch our king’s emotional turmoil the first weeks of the quest.’ Balin looked at Bilbo meaningfully.

‘Oh yes, I noticed something amiss the first night we arrived to Hobbiton and I watched him ever since. It’s the way his eyes follow you when you are not looking that betray him the most.’ Balin smiled softly at Bilbo’s confusion. ‘He’s got an interesting way to show affection though. Even towards the boys.’ Bilbo countered. ‘Well, that’s just the way Thorin is. Not a man of many words, raised to be proud and stern as the kings of old.’ The old dwarf acknowledged with a tired nod. ‘And he has some serious anger management issues.’ Bilbo complained while she was at it.

‘He always had a penchant for drama, even as a young lad. You need to be patient with him.’ Balin nodded again with a faint smirk. ‘Patience is sadly not one of my virtues.’ Bilbo admitted, drawing a chuckle out of Balin. ‘I didn’t say you need to tolerate all of his antics. Just take into consideration that his mouth is not always connected with his brain.’ Balin patted her shoulder fondly before he left the kitchen again. Soon Bilbo was joined by Bombur who decided to start with dinner preparations out of boredom and Bofur trailed after them to brighten the day with yet another lewd song.

 

Bilbo was chopping carrots when two big hands grabbed her around her waist and two heads propped on either side of her shoulders. ‘Whatcha doin’, little bunny?’ Kíli asked around a mouthful of her shortbread cookie. ‘Preparing dinner, as you can see.’ Bilbo was determined to stay calm but the corners of her mouth were twitching. ‘We are bored, do you have any idea how we should occupy ourselves?’ Fíli whined from the other side. ‘Oh, bored? I should ask Dwalin to engage you in sparring training then.’ Bilbo raised one brow at him. ‘Nay, he’s too preoccupied with Ori.’ Kíli snickered with mischievous twinkle in his brown eyes.

‘Is he? Well, then it would be a shame to interfere. I don’t suppose you want to help us around the kitchen, huh?’ Bilbo suggested and snorted when she met with two identical pouts. ‘I’m sure Bombur and Bofur can handle it themselves.’ Fíli glanced at the two mentioned dwarves who were watching the exchange between the hobbit and two princes with amused grins. ‘Yes, we would only get in the way.’ Kíli hurried with his excuse. ‘I know! Why don’t you play some game with us?’ His eyes widened in enthusiasm. ‘Yes, something hobbitish! You must know plenty of games we don’t.’ Fíli added from Bilbo’s other side.

‘Yavanna’s garden, you two surely are a handful. Fine, fine. I’ll teach you how to play conkers.’ Bilbo rolled her eyes in half-hearted dismay and wiped her hands to the apron she borrowed from the kitchen cupboard. ‘Follow me, rascals.’ Bilbo propelled them half in attempt to prevent the boys from polishing all the cookies by themselves. She was still pissed at Thorin but she had a feeling he was into sweets as well. Kíli and Fíli were excited to learn anything new so it actually wasn’t that hard this time to swipe their attention away from food.

 

‘So what do we do?’ Kíli asked impatiently when Bilbo led them into the garden. ‘First of all, we need to find a horse chestnut tree. It shouldn’t be too soon for the nuts, the autumn already begun.’ Bilbo mused out loud, scanning the garden and brightening when she found one. She threaded in the grass carefully, not to step on the spiky peels that surrounded brown chestnuts. ‘Here we go. Find a chestnut to your liking, the bigger and harder is the better.’ Bilbo instructed as she grabbed one just right to do the job. ‘Now we need to make a hole into them.’ She explained and fumbled with her numerous pouches to find a thick needle. ‘Like this.’ She pierced the chestnut through and through with some effort, than handed the needle to Kíli.

‘Done. And now?’ Fíli handed her the needle back. ‘Now we tie it to a string.’ Bilbo produced three thin leather strips and handed one to each of the boys. ‘And we are prepared for the battle!’ Bilbo grinned and Kíli exchanged puzzled look with Fíli. ‘Let me show you. Hold your nut in front of you, somewhere on the level of your stomach.’ Bilbo turned to Kíli. ‘Right. And my goal is to try and hit your nut with mine and destroy it.’ And she prepared her missile and hit the mark. ‘Wow, nice aim!’ Fíli cheered. ‘Now I have hits until I miss and then it’s your turn. The one who destroys his opponent’s nut first is the winner.’ Bilbo finished the simple rules.

‘Alright. Let us practise first though.’ Kíli tried to bargain with her. ‘As you wish, try the first round against Fíli then.’ Bilbo shrugged and sat down into the grass. Watching the lads trying to find out the best moves and angles was hilarious, as they numerous times hit themselves or each other with the nut in the process, whining, yelping and swearing loudly before breaking into giggles. The jolly commotion caught attention of several other members of the company and they soon had the audience out of Nori, Bifur, Óin and Glóin and Gandalf.

 

‘Ah, so Bilbo is teaching you the beautiful game of conkers?’ The wizard wiggled his brows in amusement and produced his pipe, stuffed it with Longbottom leaf and a minute later he was puffing out a rings of smoke contently. ‘It’s really fun, you should join us too!’ Kíli laughed before Fíli’s chestnut hit his thigh and he winced loudly. ‘Might as well try it when we’re at it.’ Nori shrugged and prepared his chestnut quickly. That encouraged even Glóin and Bifur, although the latter popped his first nut into mouth and chewed on it. It obviously didn’t taste very well as he grunted something in khuzdul with disgusted grimace. ‘Aye, they are not tasty if you eat them raw, you need to roast them first.’ Óin shouted and laughed loudly, half-deaf as he was.

First match between Fíli and Kíli won the elder of brothers, much to Kíli’s disappointment, while Glóin and Bifur still struggled with trying the right angle to hit the mark. Bilbo paired with Nori, who was surprisingly good, but her skills at conkers were legendary back in the Shire. At least when she was younger and folks didn’t avoid her. They changed the pairings then and Bilbo had immense fun trying to teach Bifur the tricks while communicating with grunts and gesticulation as she couldn’t speak khuzdul and Bifur lost ability to speak Westron, like Bofur informed her at the beginning of their journey.

 

They eventually dropped down into the grass, watching lads getting better and better with focused determination plastered on their faces. Nori was snickering every time he hit their chestnut just for the sake of needling them a little. Soon they were joined by Glóin, who declared to be too old for this, but he was enthusiastic about the idea of teaching the game to his Gimli, who would no doubt best both of the princes. ‘Alright, I practiced enough. I challenge you, bunny!’ Kíli shouted at Bilbo cheekily. ‘You will regret that, princeling.’ Bilbo quickly prepared new chestnut as her previous one was already cracked and accepted his challenge.

The battle was fierce and Bilbo had to say Kíli learned fast, but he was still no match for Shire’s conkers champion for several years in a row. He flopped down on the ground grouchily, when Bilbo smashed his chestnut into pieces, Fíli laughing next to him and poking his arm. ‘You need to practice more, my lad. But still your improvement over the next hour is impressive.’ Bilbo tried to encourage him. Luckily Kíli wasn’t one who would hold grudges and he instead preened at her praise. Suddenly everyone stopped laughing, staring behind Bilbo. When she turned to see what was the matter, Thorin stood a few steps behind her with hands behind his back.

 

‘Thorin.’ Bilbo inclined her head stiffly. ‘May I join you?’ He asked, as if unsure if he was welcome. ‘Sure, I can’t see why not. Did you hear the rules?’ She shrugged indifferently. ‘I did. You were loud enough.’ Thorin grimaced and accepted the already prepared chestnut Fíli handed him. ‘Well, sorry we interrupted your brooding then while we were having fun.’ Bilbo snarled and prepared her own nut. ‘I didn’t mean… Why are you like this?’ Thorin huffed in frustration and surprisingly hit her nut with the first try. He missed with the second though. ‘Like what?’ Bilbo pursed her lips and hit his chestnut three times in a row. ‘Difficult.’ Thorin frowned and missed.

‘Me? Difficult? Now that’s rich from you!’ Bilbo hit his chestnut with such a force that both his and hers cracked and crumbled into pieces. Around them was stilled, awkward silence as their companions didn’t know if they should stay and witness their argument again. ‘Look, I overreacted, alright? I didn’t mean to say what I did.’ Thorin dropped the string and made a purposeful step towards Bilbo, who crossed her arms stubbornly. ‘That’s not an apology.’ She gritted through her teeth and glared at him. ‘Fine! I am sorry! Is that what you want to hear?!’ Thorin threw his arms up in rage. ‘That’s exactly what I want to hear, yes! Because that’s what people say when they want to apologize. But you didn’t mean it so it doesn’t count!’ Bilbo bashed his chest with her fist to relieve her anger.

‘I get you are angry with me but I didn’t deserve that.’ Thorin grumbled, significantly calmer now, rubbing the spot as Bilbo hit one of his healing wounds. ‘Oh yes you did. And you will be receiving such treatment until you stop acting like I was a powerless kitten.’ Bilbo deflated as well but still felt her point didn’t get across. ‘I can’t help it, that’s just the way dwarves are where their One are involved.’ Thorin said hopelessly and dared to caress her cheek, dropping the hand again with a deep sigh when Bilbo jerked away from the touch.

‘He’s right there though. I had countless quarrels like this with my lovely Gira as she is of similarly fierce nature as you, Bilbo.’ Glóin stood up for Thorin. ‘Aye, many of those times I had to tend to his black eyes too.’ Óin confirmed with a sneer. ‘I think we should move back inside, I just caught the smell of something delicious and I have no doubt the dinner will be ready any minute.’ Gandalf chimed in diplomatically and everyone was glad to have an excuse and leave the two of them alone.

Bilbo glared at Thorin for a few seconds longer and then pinched the bridge of her nose. Thorin seemed at loss of suitable words to say. ‘Why do you have to be so cold sometimes? Can’t you see your words are hurting people? Me? Boys? Your friends? It is normal to show your emotions for Eru’s sake, you don’t have to be furious because you have feelings.’ Bilbo shook her head, tears prickling in the corners of her eyes. ‘Mizimel, I…’ Thorin attempted to touch her again but Bilbo held her hand against him to stop him. ‘Just… Leave me alone for now.’ She whispered and whipped around so he wouldn’t see the single tear running down her cheek. ‘Bilbo, please, don’t walk away from me.’ Thorin’s voice sounded desperate but he didn’t attempt to stop her.

 

₪₪₪

 

When he returned inside the house, everyone was already sitting around the table, the only free place across the table, as far as possible from his burglar. Thorin heaved a sigh and his heart clenched as Bilbo was just poking aimlessly into her dinner, nibbling here and there but not eating much. She and boys excused themselves right after dinner and when the rest of the company decided to get some sleep much later into the night, Thorin found out she moved her bedroll to sleep back between Fíli and Kíli, much to his dismay. He couldn’t fall asleep without his beloved wrapped safely in his arms and chest heavy with guilt. And even when he drifted off, his dreams were filled with green eyes glistering with tears.

 

Waking up in the late morning – Thorin may have gotten a bit drunk with Dwalin the previous night – Bilbo and most of the company were already up and pottering around the house. Thorin groaned and stretched with a loud crack of his back and walked outside to the porch. There Bilbo was sitting in the company of Bofur and Bifur, the two of them obviously teaching her basic signs in Iglishmêk so she could communicate with Bifur easier when no one to translate was around. ‘Ah, mornin’, Thorin.’ Bofur tipped his head merrily. Bilbo didn’t even turn her head to look at him. ‘I hope it’s alright we teach Bilbo a few signs?’ Brown-haired miner rubbed the back of his neck uncertainly. Thorin just grunted and waved them off, stomping back inside to have some late breakfast.

‘I take it Bilbo is still pissed, seeing your long face?’ Dwalin slumped to the bench beside him, indulging into honey cake, no doubt of Bilbo’s making. ‘Mahal, her baking is divine!’ He gave a content sigh, drawing a snort out of Thorin. ‘Aye. I’m not sure if it’s worse when she yells at me or when she ignores me.’ Thorin popped a mouthful of scrambled eggs into his mouth, chewing on them with vengeance. ‘She asked me to practise sparring after breakfast. Perhaps you could join? I’m sure there will be more audience anyway.’ Dwalin suggested while munching loudly. ‘I’ll consider it.’ Thorin shrugged.

 

Of course he ended up sitting beneath one of Beorn’s huge oak trees, along with his nephews, Ori and Dori and Glóin. ‘Draw that letter opener of yours.’ Dwalin commanded and Bilbo did so. ‘Now you see that your blade is quite short and the reach of your hand isn’t much helping the case. That means you will need to get quite close to your enemy to deliver a blow.’ Dwalin started with the basics. ‘But you can also work with your small… figure and make an advantage of it. You are also quite swift, so you can dodge easily.’ He continued, Bilbo nodding intently.

‘Show me your battle stance.’ He commanded again and Bilbo lifted her weapon and bent her knees a little with legs apart. ‘Not bad at all.’ Dwalin rounded her and made a few adjustments. ‘Alright, try to attack me.’ He unsheathed Grasper and took a battle stance as well. Bilbo attacked a few times and Dwalin had obviously more problems to repel her blade than he expected. Beginners were usually clumsy but Bilbo wielded her sword as someone much more experienced.

‘That’s not possible that you never held a sword before. Who taught you?’ Dwalin demanded. ‘No one, I swear. It’s like I’m moving on my own accord. Sort of.’ Bilbo shrugged helplessly. ‘I’ve been training many, but I never saw anyone so naturally talented, if what you say is true.’ Dwalin shook his head in disbelieve. ‘Now we try it other way around, I’ll be attacking and you have to defend.’ And without any further warning he charged with a battle cry. Bilbo’s eyes widened and she squeaked in surprise but dodged the axe aiming on her neck easily. Even his next attacks Bilbo repelled or dodged.

‘Wow, you got him really nicely!’ Fíli with Kíli cheered loudly after a while when Dwalin’s axe was pinned down with Bilbo’s sword and a dagger was pointing on his stomach. ‘Your defence is even better. Interesting.’ Dwalin grunted when Bilbo removed the blade from his belly. Kíli and Fíli joined them after that, Kíli practising with Dwalin and Bilbo paired with Fíli, getting use of their daggers. The latter pair moved to practise throwing aim half an hour later and Ori asked Dwalin with burning cheeks if he would lend him his war-hammer for a while. It turned out the youngest of Ri brothers inherited the legendary strength as well as he wielded it with quite ease much to everyone’s awe and Dori’s pride.

 

Master of the house returned after lunch, a bit battered but looking quite content. ‘You weren’t lying with your story. I caught an orc spy not so far from here. The Defiler put a bounty on your king’s head but now even the goblins seek their revenge. Thank you.’ He accepted a cold compress from Bilbo to put it on his reddened and swollen brow. ‘One scout did this to you?’ She eyed him sternly. ‘Not quite. When I get enough information out of the filth, I went to surprise his comrades lurking behind. Azog wasn’t between them any more though.’ Beorn groused, obviously vexed he didn’t get his hands on the pale orc.

‘The orcs following you are perished for now, if you make haste you may reach the Mirkwood without encountering them. I will go so far to lend you my ponies for this.’ Beorn then turned to Thorin. ‘As I said before, I’m not overly fond of dwarves. You lot are greedy and blind towards the nature and other creatures around you. But orcs I hate more and you proved your worthiness.’ The skin-changer added before he stood up. ‘I would like to speak with you, if you will?’ He pointed at Bilbo who only nodded and followed him out armed with various vials and herbs and bandages.

 

Thorin was tempted to follow them, because he had an itch to find out what they had to talk about, but then decided against it. Should Bilbo detect him eavesdropping, it would be his inevitable end, considering how pissed she already was. He instead returned to his whittling as the morning spent under the oak among its huge acorns that fell down gave him some inspiration to add details to his work. Thorin was so engrossed in his craft that it was well past the time Bilbo called afternoon tea when he finished and returned to the reality. The skin-changer was already back in the house, graciously preparing provisions for them, but Bilbo was nowhere to be seen.

‘Bilbo is still somewhere in the gardens. You should probably find her and make up with her already.’ Kíli, who lay sprawled on the pile of hay, inspecting and repairing his arrows, turned to him. ‘You should. We hate to see her upset.’ Fíli, cleaning his nails with the point of one of his numerous daggers, nodded in agreement. ‘I know and I hate it as well.’ Thorin stood up and put the result of his work into his pocket. ‘Take this with you, she’ll be more amiable if you feed her.’ Bofur winked cheekily and shoved a little basket filled with food into Thorin’s hands.

 

Finding Bilbo wasn’t that easy as Beorn’s gardens were pretty vast. Finally Thorin discovered her lying on the bank of the pond, feet dangling idly in the cold water and staring into the sky. ‘‘Aren’t you hungry?’ Thorin sat down and put the basket between them. ‘I am. I just wasn’t in the mood to return just yet.’ She mused, her gaze focused on something above. ‘I wanted to apologize again, properly. I’m sorry, I don’t want to fight with you.’ Thorin’s eyes locked with Bilbo’s as she snapped her head his direction. ‘Alright, apology accepted.’ She nodded slowly and turned back to the sky. Thorin decided to lie down as well and followed her suit.

‘Are you not going to ask what I was talking with Beorn about?’ Bilbo wondered after a while of lying in silence. ‘I figured out it would be better not to pry.’ Thorin answered truthfully.‘Mmm. He asked about the curse. I don’t know how he found out so quickly. Perhaps it has something to do with his own magic?’ She thought out loud. Thorin didn’t say anything. ‘You still have any bandages and herbs?’ He then got an idea. ‘Yes, why?’ Bilbo tilted her head and motioned towards the pile next to her. ‘You should get your wounds checked upon again and re-bandaged. I was surprised you were able to withhold so much exertion in the morning with Dwalin.’ Thorin reached for the pack but Bilbo halted his hand.

‘That’s not really necessary, I’m already healed.’ She looked at him with undecipherable expression. ‘But you had several bones cracked. It’s not possible you could be fine after less than a week.’ Thorin’s brows furrowed in confusion and Bilbo sighed. ‘It’s one of the traits. I can heal really fast.’ She mumbled and glanced to see his reaction. ‘I must say I am more and more confused by that condition of yours. What else aside from superfast healing and weird mind powers do you have?’ This was going on for too long, Thorin needed to know the whole story.

 

‘I do not age. I’m stuck looking exactly like I was when it happened, at the age of 29. That’s what scares most of my kin. Along with the eye colour change. They used to be hazel brown, after my father. Most of the Shire inhabitants are convinced I’m some sort of a witch.’ Bilbo’s sight focused again on the clouds roaming the clear blue sky. ‘I like your eyes this way. They remind me of two brightest emeralds.’ Thorin murmured, turning effectively Bilbo’s cheeks red. ‘You are the first person to compliment me about them then.’ She blinked several times.

‘Is it something like the elves then? Are you immortal?’ The thought excited Thorin quite a lot. ‘No and yes. The life of Eldar is a gift for the elves from the Valar. It is a blessing. For me, it’s more like a curse, just as I already said.’ Bilbo fiddled with a loose thread on her tunic. ‘What is it that gave you this curse anyway? Couldn’t it be broken somehow?’ A hopeful idea flashed through his mind. ‘I’m afraid not. The only way to end the curse is to die by a hand of someone else.’ Bilbo’s face scrunched into pinched grimace. ‘I will have to tell you everything from the beginning if you are to understand. I owe it to you anyway.’ She sighed again and sat up.

 

She told him about the trip to Barrow-dawns with Gandalf and how she ended up trapped in one of the barrows by the wight hiding inside it. ‘It performed some kind of ancient ritual on me. It wasn’t fully successful though, Gandalf and Tom Bombadil found us before it could be finished and ruined his hideout. Wights cannot stand daylight and the only way for them to survive it is to hide within a dead body. But mine wasn’t dead yet, only dying. I don’t fully comprehend what happened and in fact, nobody does, but somehow a last surviving part of the wight leapt inside my body in attempt to save itself and was trapped there.’ Bilbo continued the story with shaking voice.

‘Gandalf got me to Rivendell and Lord Elrond managed to cure the illness that turns the victims of wight’s and wright’s stabs with their poisonous morgul blades into the same lingering, vengeful creatures. But the elves weren’t able to banish the part of it that took refuge inside me, even with the help of Lady Galadriel. The thing is, the wight is what’s keeping me alive. It sealed the wound. Otherwise I would bleed out if it got separated.’ She wasn’t meeting his eyes even when she glanced at him from time to time. Thorin’s insides were twisting with fury and sadness alike.

 

‘What is the wight exactly?’ He inquired. ‘They are evil spirits of men from Angmar, dead for ages. The Witch king of Angmar sent them to the area to desecrate the resting place of the Kings of the First age and terrorize the folk. They remained even after the fall of Angmar.’ Bilbo explained further. ‘And what does it make you then?’ He asked quietly and Bilbo visibly flinched. ‘Part alive person, a hobbit, part dead spirit, a wraight. Something no one ever hear of. A freak. A monster. Aberration. Gûlmathannen, touched by sorcery.’ Bilbo's list of names she's been called by was cut off by Thorin’s lips connecting with hers.

‘You are no freak, gayadê. Do not speak of yourself so lowly.’ He whispered softly as confusion spread over her features. ‘You… Do not despise me? You don’t fear what I may do to you?’ Bilbo asked in disbelieve. ‘Why? Because something so dreadful happened to you? It’s not your fault. And as far as my knowledge goes you have never hurt any innocent creature.’ Thorin pulled her onto his lap and cradled her gently. Bilbo was so shocked as she obviously expected entirely different reaction, she forgot they were in a dispute before and leaned into him for comforts.

‘So. Those mind powers, how does it work exactly? Can you look into anybody’s head?’ Thorin voiced something that was nagging his mind for quite a while. ‘Well, perhaps? I never tried with anyone else than servants of evil though. I can feel them, you know. Morgoth’s evil within them is drawn to me. It’s also why I can understand black speech.’ Bilbo shrugged as if cold tremor took hold of her body for a second. ‘However, it drains a lot of power out of me to control someone. That’s why I try to use it only in highest need.’ It was quite interesting, really, to finally understand the matter. They chattered about it for a long while and then moved to lighter topics, their previous quarrel finally forgotten.

 

They returned back into the house when it started to get dark. All the members of the company seemed to be cheered up, seeing them side by side again, and Beorn prepared them a plentiful feast before they would set off again the next morning. It was later when Dwalin challenged Nori to the drinking contest and somehow they dragged almost all of the company in. ‘Come on, Bilbo! Show us if hobbits can hold their liquor!’ Dwalin, already pretty tipsy, roared at her. ‘Oh no, you don’t want to try and outdrink a hobbit.’ She chuckled and of course that resulted in her eventually joining in.

Fíli and Kíli were already snoring loudly on the table (and Kíli drooling on it) when Dwalin fell off the bench backside and didn’t stand up again. It was only Bilbo against Thorin. ‘You should give up unless you want to deal with terrible headache in the morning.’ She smirked at him. Unbeknown to Thorin, Bilbo was used to drink with Hamfast Gamgee, whose moonshine was the strongest all around the Shire. Beorn’s sweet mead was nothing compared to Hamfast’s bloody liquor. ‘A king never gives up.’ Thorin mumbled, not able to form longer sentences any more. ‘I did warn you though.’ Bilbo grinned wickedly and downed another cup.

 

₪₪₪

 

Bilbo’s consciousness came to her slowly as she felt utterly comfortable wrapped in the nest of warmness. Nuzzling into her blanket, the fur was soft and smelled of metal and pipeweed and it was snoring adorably and… _‘Wait! Snoring?!’_ Bilbo’s eyes flew open with a start. Taking in the surroundings, she found out it wasn’t a blanket at all but rather Thorin’s hairy naked chest under her cheek, lifting up and down with steady breaths. _‘Naked?!’_ Having a very uncomfortable feeling, Bilbo looked further down to confirm that indeed she was bare as Yavanna made her as well. _‘What happened?’_ Her brain was slow to process any thoughts, obvious result of drinking previous night.

Yes, they were having a drinking contest, which she of course won. Thorin admitted his defeat but still was able to communicate and he was pretty cuddly when they called it a night. They must have stumbled into one of Beorn’s guest rooms along the way to their makeshift beds on hayloft. _‘So how we ended up naked? Did we…?’_ With a sudden rush of memories, Bilbo remembered and sat up abruptly. A stretch and lingering pain in her intimate areas she felt with the movement proved that they indeed had sex previous night.

But something wasn’t right. Bilbo did feel post-coital pain like after particularly eventful night, most likely filled with several intercourses in a row, but not exactly what she experienced before. Or better, where she experienced it before. Realization hit her like a lightning and her vision blackened for several blinks. Scanning the room frantically and noticing the white bed sheets stained with blood there was no doubt where Thorin put his cock this time. Bilbo couldn’t say she was inexperienced and Thorin certainly wasn’t her first lover, but he was first one to take her _this_ way. And for a good reason too. ‘Well, fuck.’ Bilbo fell back onto the pillow and stared blankly into the ceiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Khuzdul glossary:  
> kurdel - heart of all hearts  
> mizimel - jewel of all jewels  
> gayadê - my joy
> 
> So you're not talking to me, huh? Fine. It's not like I'm wounded or something. :D 
> 
> Bilbo's condition explained further. If you do not get something, do not hesitate and ask me! This chapter should be the last in forseeable future of no real plot and just interactions as there are several ahead with lots of action in it. So if you were a bit bored these last three chapters, you have something to look forward to. (: 
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos, comments and all. <3 I'm glad you keep reading this!
> 
> Find me on tumblr if you want to. ;) <https://malazuzu22.tumblr.com/>


	8. Chapter 8 - Spiders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm somehow unable to keep updating regularly. And I don't think it will improve any time soon, sorry... Enjoy!

Thorin had the loveliest dreams. He was lying in a soft bed and Bilbo wiggled on top of him, riding his cock while releasing obscene moans until he filled her with his seed and then he took her again from behind and then several more times for good measure. But something ticking his nose interrupted those dreams to his immense displeasure. Thorin wrinkled his nose and breathed out forcibly to make it stop but it wouldn’t. He opened one eye slowly to find the source of the irritating sensation, only to quickly close it again with a groan as the ray of sunshine coming through opened shutters hit him.

‘Mahal’s mighty beard, what happened? Is it really morning already?’ He grumbled and hid his face under the pillow. As if summoned by his cursing, the door creaked and soft footsteps approached the bed Thorin had to somehow stumble in during previous night. ‘Wakie-wakie! You’ve slept enough. We need to start the journey again as soon as possible.’ Bilbo chirped and put something on the table before she sat down onto the edge of the bed. ‘Bunmelê. I just woke up from such a beautiful dream with you in it.’ Thorin mumbled through the pillow.

‘I can see that. Flattering, really.’ Bilbo snorted dryly and a cruel amount of daylight hit Thorin’s eyes painfully as she tore his feather shield off his face. Thorin groaned in pain but smirked devilishly as his morning hard-on twitched under the thin covers with interest at the memory of his dreams. His arms wrapped around unaware Bilbo like two snakes with surprising swiftness, dragged her closer and positioned her so she was straddling his lap while he buried his nose under the laces of her tunic, right between her breasts. Bilbo squeaked in shock that turned into giggles.

 

‘Mmm, so soft and sweet-scented. Let’s have some fun, burglar. Surely it’s not that late?’ Thorin’s voice was muffled by the nuzzling at Bilbo’s ample chest. ‘It is _very_ late and you should forget such improper ideas at once.’ Bilbo tugged on his hair with a snicker. ‘Aww, come on.’ Thorin bucked his hips upwards. ‘T-Thorin, st-stop it!’ Bilbo hissed and tugged harder as his cock grinded against her clit through the covers and fabric of her pants. ‘You’re no fun.’ Thorin pouted but didn’t try to seduce her any further. ‘I think you had plenty of fun yesterday. I’m sure you were seeing double. Also you’ve been babbling quite adorably.’ Bilbo grinned impishly and Thorin winced when he imagined all sorts of embarrassing things he might have told her.

‘Now, now. I won’t tell anyone about that time you sneaked into your mother’s wardrobe and tried on those _‘beautiful dark blue velvet dress covered with sapphires and topazes, embroidered with thread of pure silver’_ you admired so much.’ Bilbo winked at him before she burst out a fit of giggles. Thorin could only hide his burning face behind his palm. ‘Dwalin had it worse though. He was away with the fairies by the time we called it a night. Balin and Ori had to drag him into bed, he wasn’t even able to walk. He was also embarrassingly cuddly with our scribe. Acquired a black-eye from Dori for it too.’ Bilbo wiped a tear out of the corner of her eye.

 

‘I brought you tea to soothe your no doubt throbbing head. It’s over there.’ Bilbo picked up the cup she previously deposited on the table and gave it to Thorin. ‘Forget my head, I’ve got something else throbbing that could use some soothing.’ Thorin grumbled but accepted the tea nonetheless. ‘I meant, thank you, gayadê.’ He blurted out quickly and put on an expression of pure innocence when Bilbo narrowed her eyes warningly. ‘What do those mean?’ She tilted her head with curiosity. ‘What does mean what?’ Thorin arched a brow as he took a sip. It didn’t taste that bad. ‘Those nicknames you keep calling me with.’ She clarified.

‘Uh, right. Just terms of… erm. Endearments?’ Thorin stammered out, cheeks without any doubt red as a tomato. ‘For example gayadê could be translated as my joy.’ It came out nearly as a whisper as Thorin firmly concentrated his gaze on the auburn liquid in the cup. When the silence stretched, Thorin dared to steal a glance at Bilbo. She was smiling softly at him. ‘My, my. I didn’t take you as a romantic sort.’ She chuckled before she leaned closer and her lips brushed against his in a feather like touch while she grinded against his manhood in teasing manner. ‘You little minx!’ Thorin growled as he quickly got rid of the cup and claimed her mouth hungrily.

 

Their gradually more heated kissing (Thorin started to hope again he would perhaps get his morning fun after all) was interrupted by several sharp knocks. ‘Thorin quit canoodling with our burglar or whatever are you doing and get off the bed at last. The company is almost ready to set off.’ Gandalf’s stern voice came through the wood, followed by his amused chuckle when Bilbo leapt off Thorin’s lap with a squeal. ‘Blasted wizards.’ Thorin groused under his breath and finally admitted his defeat and concluded it indeed was high time to leave the bed and the skin-changer’s house again.

Bilbo averted her eyes as he stood in front of her naked. ‘Whatever is the matter, halfling? Don’t you like what you see?’ Thorin smirked proudly as he stretched lazily to show off his muscles. Bilbo just huffed and rolled her eyes. ‘So self-assured. Pompous king indeed. But now’s not the time for fooling around.’ She tossed his tunic onto his face playfully. ‘And don’t call me a halfling, that’s actually pretty offensive. I’m not a half of anything, _dwarf_.’ She frowned adorably. ‘No? I find it rather fitting for such a small folk like you.’ Thorin needled with a grin.  ‘I would have you known that hobbits are sized rather perfectly. It’s the rest of the big folk and you dwarves who is simply overgrown.’ Bilbo stuck out her tongue and marched out of the room with chin defiantly up, followed by Thorin’s chuckles.

 

 

He left the room in full attire to find out that indeed his company has packed all their possessions and distributed the provisions Beorn provided them with fairly. ‘About time you finally showed up.’ Nori groused from the entrance where he was monitoring the room, leaning on the doorframe nonchalantly. ‘Uncle! We saved you something for breakfast.’ Fíli shoved a small pack into his hand with bright smile. ‘Thanks. I’ll eat it in the saddle. I think we should move on.’ Thorin inclined his head. The sun wasn’t that high yet, so they must have woken up before sunrise to prepare everything.

‘Your ponies are saddled and waiting outside. You should ride north from here, then turn north-east. I wouldn’t advise you to take the Old forest road, the chances to encounter your enemies there are too high, these lands are roamed by orcs these days.’ Beorn stepped closer and talked to no one in particular before his eyes settled on Bilbo. ‘Don’t tell me, Thorin is the leader here, who ‘ _determines the course of our journey’_ and whatever ridiculous things are written in that blasted contract.’ She grimaced at the skin-changer. ‘So I was told, yes. But you seem to be the most sensible of them to me.’ Beorn shrugged, completely unperturbed by the glare Thorin sent his way.

‘Why shouldn’t we take the Old forest road? It’s much closer from here.’ Thorin asked, arms crossed. ‘While orcs will not dare to wander far north so they wouldn’t get close to my house, they use the Old forest road quite frequently nowadays. Second, at the end of the road there are nasty marshes difficult to cross and third, you would have to make your way up north along the river through difficult terrain to get to that mountain of yours.’ Beorn explained in a manner one would use to enlighten a particularly thick-headed child.

‘I think taking the elven path will truly be safer for the company, Thorin. Besides, it will take you almost directly to Erebor.’ Gandalf chimed in lightly. ‘It will also take us too close to Thranduil’s lair.’ Thorin growled with distaste. ‘You mean the Woodland realm?’ Bilbo asked with interest. Thorin just scoffed while Gandalf nodded. ‘That is the other thing I wanted to warn you about. Don’t be foolish to get into any sort of strife with the elves. I strongly advise you against hunting in the forest too or eating any plants, not that many would be edible in the first place. Nothing good grows there now. The forest is sick and enchanted. Also do not drink any water you find in there, don’t even touch it.’ Beorn led the way out of the house, dwarves following him like ducklings.

‘Are the Woodland elves so different from their kin living in the mountains? I always found Lord Elrond and inhabitants of the Hidden Valley being of agreeable enough sorts.’ Bilbo wondered while many dwarves snorted or scoffed. There were certainly no differences between elves for them. Self-centred know-it-alls, who were hiding cowardly in their realms, indifferent to the suffering of others they deemed too below them because they were mortal and doomed to perish anyway. ‘They are less wise and more dangerous. Tread carefully. And most important thing, no matter what occurs, do not leave the path unless you want to wander the woods forever. You would never find it again.’ Beorn instructed her with serious expression before he marched to debate something with the wizard and they called for Bilbo to join them in whatever discussion Thorin was excluded from.

 

‘Alright. Be careful in that endeavour, its outcome will affect fates of many.’ Thorin caught a glimpse of the conversation when the three of them re-joined the company again. ‘Little bunny, it’s been a pleasure. I have no doubts news of success or failing of your quest will eventually reach me, but I wouldn’t particularly mind if you sent me a note. Or a letter.’ Beorn crouched in front of the hobbit so that she wouldn’t have to strain her neck staring so high at him. ‘Of course I will. Thank you for everything.’ Bilbo smiled brightly before she threw herself around the skin-changer’s neck. The bear of a man seemed startled for a moment before his arms engulfed her in a bear hug. Thorin very much tried to conceal his displeasure, most likely unsuccessfully.

Bilbo released a high-pitched squeak when the skin-changer lifted her up and deposited her in the saddle of her pony, an action that made Thorin grit his teeth. ‘Be off now, as quick as you may. Remember to be on alert, spies of the enemy are everywhere. Farewell, Company of Thorin Oakenshield. May the end of your quest find you all safe and sound.’ Beorn stepped away from their burglar and said his parting words to the rest of them. ‘As our hobbit already said, you have our gratitude and we are indebted to you. Rest assured your help wouldn’t be forgotten by my kin.’ Thorin felt it would be appropriate to express his thanks and mounted his pony, mimicked by his companions.

‘I have no idea what service dwarves might be of to me, but I’ll remember nonetheless.’ Beorn smirked and followed them to the gate as they slowly rode through the garden and out into the wilderness again. Thorin saw Bilbo turn around after a while of riding, waving to the figure still watching them from afar, before Beorn’s house disappeared behind the horizon completely. And so they began another part of their journey that would finally lead them to their destination. ‘Erebor. So close now. I can’t wait to look upon the halls of our ancestors again.’ Thorin exchanged a fond smile with Balin who rode with him at the front of the merrily chatting company. ‘Me too, my lad, me too.’ Balin sighed.

 

₪₪₪

 

Gandalf was to leave them before the forest. That was what he told her and Beorn before they left the skin-changer’s house. Not that it surprised her anyway. ‘There are talks of some dark powers residing in Dol Guldur. I believe that the sickness of the Greenwood spreads from here. Foresters living further south even talk about dead lurking around the fortress.’ Beorn furrowed his wild brows with concern. ‘Radagast the Brown brought me pretty much the same information. I’m afraid that along with our discovery in the Misty Mountains we must reckon with the possibility the Necromancer residing here is Sauron in disguise.’ Gandalf sighed wearily.

‘There were tombs in High Fells of Rhudaur, weren’t they? Of the Dark Lord’s servants.’ Beorn mused out loud. ‘That is truth. I have to investigate further before we alert the whole White council. We need firm evidence to convince Saruman.’ Gandalf scratched under his pointy hat. ‘Don’t go by yourself. Take Radagast at least with you. And by any chance do not venture inside the fortress alone, I dare you.’ Bilbo levelled Gandalf with concerned look. ‘I may look old, but I am not that fragile as I probably seem to you.’ Gandalf sent her affronted glance. ‘That’s not what I implied and you know it. But Sauron is a dangerous and wicked enemy. Power of the Three together will undoubtedly prove to be much more effective against him.’ Bilbo held his gaze firmly and the wizard nodded slowly.

‘You are right, of course. I promise not to go there on my own.’ He patted her shoulder. ‘Unless absolutely necessary.’ He added more quietly. ‘Gandalf!’ Bilbo stomped her foot angrily. ‘You will have trouble of your own, I reckon. Don’t hold much hope the dragon will be dead.’ Beorn turned to her. ‘I thought as much. I gathered enough information about dragons back in Rivendell to conclude Smaug is just in deep slumber, buried under the stolen hoards of gold.’ Bilbo winced with a grimace.

‘You didn’t tell the dwarves, huh?’ The skin-changer tilted his head. ‘No. We need to keep the spirits high up. I’m still contemplating about some sort of a plan.’ Bilbo heaved a deep sigh. ‘If Sauron indeed returned, your part will be crucial to secure our position in the East. The Mountain must not fell to the hands of the enemy, if would gain them access to Gundabad and Angmar that lies behind.’ Gandalf stated what was pretty much obvious. ‘I know. The dragon must be killed. Smaug owes allegiance to no one. Should he join with our enemy…’ Bilbo trailed off. ‘Precisely. I know it is a lot to ask, but I wouldn’t entrust this task to anyone else but you.’ Gandalf smiled thinly.

 

They joined the company after that and parted with Beorn fondly, at least from Bilbo’s part. She noticed Thorin was tense watching her acting friendly towards the skin-changer, but she couldn’t bring herself to bother telling him off. She waved her bear friend one last time before Bofur engaged her into jolly chat about their lives back at Ered Luin and Hobbiton. Their pace was swift, but they were mindful not to exert Beorn’s good natured beasts too much. They rode north for the most part of the day before turning north-east, following Beorn’s advice.

They camped for the night when it was already dark, eager to cover the distance to the forest as quick as possible to avoid any encounter with orcs. Tired of long ride, the company set watches and shuffled into their bedrolls, conscious of the fact they would set off very soon in the morning. Lying in Thorin’s embrace, Bilbo’s thoughts wandered to the conversation earlier that day. The dragon must be killed. _‘Easier said than done.’_ She bit her lower lip. ‘Stop thinking and get some rest, burglar.’ Thorin nibbled on the point of her ear, effectively diverting her thoughts elsewhere. Bilbo ravished his mouth for good measure before falling into fitful sleep.

 

Despite being wrapped in arms of her personal dwarven furnace, Bilbo woke up shivering with cold as the autumn mist fell around them, white and thick as cream. As she wiped the sleepiness out of her eyes, the sun begun to rose far to the east and the rays of sunshine banished the cold mist. The company ate their breakfast in a hurry and they were on the road again while the shadows were still long. The day was much the same as the previous one and ones at the beginning of their journey, filled with chatter, songs and bickering. Birds were chirping around them and from time to time Bilbo noticed antlers above the tall grass. When the sun lowered behind the Misty Mountains again, she saw a glimpse of bear-like shape far on their left. _‘Of course Beorn would ward us and his ponies just in case.’_ She smiled to herself.

It took another two days before the forest drew near and they camped near the gates of the wood late in the afternoon. ‘We will not venture in now when the sun is about to set soon. Refill all the water-skins as we won’t be able to do so in the forest and get a good rest.’ Thorin distributed more commands before he settled down next to Bilbo to watch her preparing dinner. Gandalf didn’t tell the dwarves he would leave them yet for it would no doubt disappoint them. Kíli still took the wizard as an almighty dragonslayer.

 

In the morning they unloaded all of their packs off the ponies’ backs and with much grumbling about the weight of them distributed them among themselves. ‘Quit complaining. They will lighten all too soon and you will wish for our packs to be heavier as our provisions dwindle.’ Thorin scanned them with his glare. ‘Why don’t we take the ponies with us inside the forest?’ Nori still suggested. ‘Don’t be that foolish. Beorn might have parted with us friendly but his beasts are like his children. His vengeance would be swift and merciless should we break our promise.’ Gandalf reprimanded with a frown.

‘He’s not even there.’ The former thief was still unconvinced. ‘Beorn is far closer than you probably think, fool. Enough of this discussion, set the ponies free.’ Bilbo rolled her eyes and with Thorin’s confirming nod the dwarves reluctantly did so. ‘Not my horse, I’ll need it.’ Gandalf chimed in as they watched the ponies galloping away, obviously happy to put some more distance between them and the dark forest. ‘Your part of the promise doesn’t have to be held?’ Thorin arched a brow. ‘But it will be held. I need the beast because I will ride on it. This is where our paths split, I’m afraid. I have another business I need to see to.’ Gandalf answered curtly, stirring uproar of dismayed cries and wounded accusations about leaving them.

 

‘None of this now. I never said I would accompany you all the way to Erebor. It is your quest after all, I already ensured you would get there safely most of the journey. Might save me a headache or three if I didn’t bother.’ Gandalf furrowed his bushy brows. ‘But Gandalf, we surely need you with us more, whatever your business is!’ Kíli whined with a pout. But even the lad’s puppy eyes wouldn’t sway the wizard. ‘Cheer up! I’m sending Miss Baggins with you, that is quite enough for me to rest assured you lot will be well taken care of.’ Gandalf refused to change his mind.

‘If you truly must leave us, then be gone already and stop delaying us.’ Thorin growled the wizard’s way. He would never admit it but Bilbo was sure he too was disappointed to part with Gandalf. ‘Oh, I’m going, don’t worry. Your path now goes straight through the forest. Remember to stay on it at any case.’ The wizard instructed and mounted his horse. ‘Alright, you already told us.’ Thorin glared daggers at him. ‘I might join you again later to see the result of your quest. Stay safe and may the Valar protect you. Farewell.’ Gandalf smiled at them fondly despite the pouts and glowers the company members were sending him in return, spurred his horse and rode away.

‘Remember to stay on the path!’ They could hear him from afar before he disappeared from their view. ‘Alright. There’s a long track ahead of us. I say we set out.’ Thorin adjusted his pack and headed towards the gate into the forest. Inspecting it up close, Bilbo realized it was made out of two very old trees entwined into the shape of antlers. No one was particularly thrilled to set foot into the forest looming above them, but they had no other choice if they were to get to their destination before Durin’s day. Soon the forest swallowed them and the last light coming from the entrance disappeared behind the corner. They found themselves in dimness of the forest they would have to endure for many, many days.

 

₪₪₪

 

Even as the biggest (though perhaps only) nature-lover of the company, Bilbo didn’t like the Mirkwood a bit. It was dark and gloomy through days because of the old trees hunching above them and blocking almost all daylight with their twisted branches overgrown with poison ivy. And the very air was so heavy, without a slightest gust of wind, reeking of rotting leaves and wood and sickly sweet scents of poisonous plants and mushrooms that intoxicated senses. There was also startling stillness around them. Not a bird to be seen or any other living creature aside from a few black squirrels. Further into the forest they started to stumble upon big nasty cobwebs lining the path though, suggesting that unnaturally giant spiders might inhabit the woods.

But if the days were somber and cheerless, nights were downright grim. At night all the sparse light they had vanished and all around them was just pitch black. If Bilbo tried to wave a hand right in front of her eyes, she didn’t see a thing. Well, except those eyes all around them. Eyes of creatures lurking around the path, watching them, assessing, wondering. Luckily they never dared to set foot on the path, but it was still highly disconcerting. At first they tried to make a campfire every night to feel safer but it attracted hundreds of black moths and the fluttering was so annoying the company just gave up and set watches while the rest of them huddled close together and fell into uneasy sleep.

 

They were well into a week inside the forest and it seemed unending. With every passing day the company was falling more and more into silence to match the gloom the Mirkwood emitted. No song from Bofur to cheer them up, not even an immature prank of the boys or some tale of old Balin tended to recount from time to time. They still had enough provisions not to worry too much, but despite that they rationed them carefully and often not to satisfy their hungry stomachs fully. What started to be a problem was the water though. Mindful of Beorn’s advice they couldn’t refill their water-skins even if they stumbled upon any stream or spring.

 

The company eventually came across a river, the one Bilbo recalled from Beorn’s maps to be somewhere in the middle of their journey through the forest. Unfortunately, the bridge was rotten and crumbled and they had no way to cross if they wanted to stay dry. And with Beorn’s warnings it was out of question to even try swimming, regardless of the fact that the current was too strong. They began to despair when Bilbo spotted something on the other side. ‘I think I see a boat over there on the far bank. Perhaps we could pull it up there with a hook on a rope?’ She turned to Thorin who was hovering close to her.

‘It’s at least fifteen yards away and undoubtedly tied on the other side.’ He grimaced mournfully. His grumpy demeanour was aggravated a lot by the forest’s magic. ‘Still better trying than being stuck in here, wouldn’t you say?’ Bilbo insisted with a frown. If she was honest with herself, even her patience was stretched much thinner inside the forest.  ‘I suppose we have no other choice anyway. Fíli, you have a good aim and strength to throw the hook across the distance. I leave it up to you.’ Thorin relented and motioned to his nephew. Nori produced a long rope ended up with a hook in a blink.

It took three throws to get the hook into the boat as the first two were too short. ‘It’s stuck in there. Help me pulling!’ Fíli demanded, unable to pull the boat on their side of the river on his own. There was a loud crack when the rope the boat was tied with on the other side snapped and without the resistance the dwarves stumbled and fell onto one huge pile. ‘Stand up, quick! The boat will be swept away by the current!’ Bilbo squeaked and it was a last minute call. But they eventually managed do get the boat at last. Only there were no paddles in it. ‘Kíli, give me the rope again.’ Fíli told his brother and threw the hook up into the sky somewhere on the other side of the river. It didn’t fell down again as it tangled in the branches. ‘We could use the ropes for pulling.’ He explained shortly and tied another on their side.

 

‘Who’s going first?’ Ori posed an important question. ‘I say me, Bilbo and Balin. Then Fíli, Kíli and Dwalin, next Nori, Dori and Oin. After that Ori, Gloin and Bifur and the last Bofur and Bombur as he weights like two of us.’ Thorin decided. Bombur wasn’t none too pleased he would go as the last again but no one took him too seriously. ‘Don’t grumble against orders or something happens to you, Bombur.’ Thorin growled the chubby cook’s way and the ginger promptly clicked his mouth shut again. ‘Get in the boat, there’s no time to waste.’ Thorin more or less barked at Bilbo, who complied with an eye roll. To say the boat was unsteady without paddles was a serious understatement but they managed it to the other side without any accident.

While waiting for the second group to join them on the other river bank, a sound of galloping hooves reached Bilbo’s ears. Soon enough a white stag scurried among the trees before vanishing again. ‘Did you see that? It would make for a several days’ worth provisions.’ Thorin jerked his head towards the place the deer disappeared at and prepared his bow. ‘You shouldn’t shoot at it. It’s a bad luck.’ Bilbo warned him and helped the lads out of the boat as the second group arrived. The stag didn’t appear anymore and it was only Bofur and Bombur now sitting in the boat as the rest of them were waiting on the other side.

‘There!’ Dwalin pointed at the flick of white and Thorin shot. The stag wailed and ran towards the river. ‘No! Why did you do it?’ Bilbo yelped when she spotted an arrow sticking from the beast’s neck. ‘I don’t believe in bad luck. We make our own luck. Right now we would be all lucky to have a roasted deer for dinner.’ Thorin snapped and aimed again, only his shot to be deflected as Bilbo purposefully bumped into his bow. He growled angrily at her as the stag jumped over the river and disappeared in the woods on the other side. ‘And it’s gone. Are you happy?’ Thorin shook her shoulders but there was no time for arguing as Bofur’s startled yelp interrupted them.

‘Bombur! That stag nudged him into the water!’ Bofur was flouncing on the bank, pointing at his brother who was trying to get out of the boat when the accident happened. Bombur wasn’t very deep and they somehow managed to pull him out of the water without wetting themselves but by the time he was rescued, the fat ginger was deep asleep. ‘See? Bad omen. I told you!’ Bilbo threw her arms up in exasperation. ‘It was but an accident.’ Thorin still insisted but his voice was doubtful. ‘We can’t leave him there. Make a stretcher, quick.’ He barked at the rest of the company and hid his face behind his palm.

 

Thus they were trotting through the forest even more unhappily than before, burdened by unconscious Bombur who wouldn’t wake up even to the smell of food or smacks on his meaty cheeks. It was about five days after the accident and they ran out of fresh water and their provisions were so thin that the desperation reached its peak when Ori spotted something in the forest. ‘Look, there’s a light!’ He pointed between the trees. Straining their eyes and ears, they could hear faint music and laughter coming from enlightened clearing. ‘Elves.’ Thorin bit the word like a venom. ‘They could help us!’ Kíli exclaimed excitedly. ‘I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave the path.’ Bilbo pointed out wearily.

‘We’ll send just one person and tie them to the rope then.’ Kíli suggested. That met with several grunts of agreement. ‘We don’t need any help from elves.’ Thorin growled lowly. ‘With all respect, Thorin, we are all thirsty, hungry and tired. We _could_ use some help.’ Balin reprimanded him. ‘As if those traitors would lend their dirty hands to us.’ Thorin huffed a mirthless laugh. ‘Send the hobbit then, she’s cute and likeable. The elves of Rivendell were smitten enough with her, perhaps it might work with those miserable tree-shaggers as well.’ Dwalin suggested and no one really opposed. ‘Just as you know, this is a bad idea and if anything happens to me, I’ll hold you responsible.’ Bilbo grumbled as Kíli tied the rope around her waist, shot the company one last nasty look and wandered towards the lights.

Coming closer, she could see the elves in merry chat around the tables covered with food but as soon as she stepped into the clearing, everything disappeared in a blink and only darkness surrounded her. ‘Splendid, just splendid.’ Bilbo sighed to herself and guided by the rope she was stumbling back onto the path. ‘Well? You are back so soon! What did they say?’ The company started talking all at once. ‘Nothing. They just vanished the minute I set foot into the light.’ Bilbo shrugged helplessly, hating she had to disappoint them. ‘Just as I told you. The elves won’t help us.’ Thorin growled with a grudge. So they carried on their way.

 

Bombur eventually woke up at last, but when he discovered that they were running out of food, he stated that in that case he was going to sleep some more as his dreams were filled with delicious feasts. That didn’t meet with agreement and the poor dwarf was berated something dreadfully by his disgruntled companions. Bilbo was losing focus more and more, exhausted by the lack of food, water and the very forest itself and her friends weren’t much better. When they spotted those elven lights again, she did try to stop the dwarves from leaving the path, but none would listen to her and she ended up on the path alone as they ran into the forest, most of them to beg the elves for help and the rest in attempt to bring them back. ‘Blasted dwarves. We are all going to wander here forever thanks to them.’ She wailed for herself and made after them.

As anticipated, the elves ran off again and they were now surrounded with darkness of the forest. They managed to count themselves by touching and shouting and luckily they were all still together. ‘Does anybody remember which way the path is?’ Balin asked out loud. Realizing they’ve lost the path, the company threw havoc. ‘I’ll climb this tree and see what we can do. We need to set a course at least.’ Bilbo decided. ‘Like I’m going to let you. You will fall and break your spine or something.’ Thorin’s hand landed on her shoulder to stop her. ‘Thanks for the encouragement. I wasn’t asking for your permission. Do you have a better idea anyway?’ She narrowed her eyes at him. Thorin furrowed his brows but didn’t come up with any other suggestion.

‘I see you have not. So let me do my job, will you?’ Bilbo shrugged his hand off and started climbing. As a young and fearless fauntling she climbed on every tree around Hobbiton and though now much more rational and careful where heights were involved, she still had the skill and soon enough she was on top. Bursting through the crown of leaves and feeling a fresh breeze on her skin was like being born again. Bilbo looked around in awe as hundreds of blue butterflies got scared by the sudden appearance of the hobbit and fluttered their wings in escape. Shouting from below woke her from her reverie. ‘I can see a river. And a lake behind. Yavanna bless me, even Erebor! We are so close now!’ Bilbo brightened and shouted with excitement.

‘Hello? Aren’t you happy at all? Can you hear me?’ Bilbo wondered when no reaction came from below. The quiet was disconcerting. ‘Something’s wrong here.’ She realized and quickly started climbing down. There was no trace of her companions back on the ground, only that something had been dragged away. Dread came through now all alone hobbit. ‘Did someone capture them? What if they harmed them? I need to find them.’ She muttered under her breath and followed the tracks. Along the way Bilbo noticed that those nasty cobwebs were now much thicker and uneasy idea what might have happened flashed through her mind.

 

The foreboding was confirmed when she arrived to what seemed to be a spiders’ nest. Dozens of spiders so huge that Bilbo never imagined they even could grow so large roamed the paths made out of webs and in the middle thirteen bundles were hanging down from a large branch. _‘So they did get captured after all. They are probably paralysed with spider venom. What will I do?’_ Bilbo was thinking furiously. There was no way she could kill all the spiders on her own. Perhaps a distraction? To lead the majority of them away and deal with the rest sounded like the best plan she could come up with under current circumstances.

‘There’s no other way, let’s see if the rumours of the Ring giving its bearers invisibility are true.’ Bilbo grimly removed the band from the chain (that she carefully stored in her pocket as it was precious beyond measure for her, a gift from Thorin as it was) and put it on her middle finger. It seemed too big for her slim finger, but miraculously it shrank its size to fit perfectly. Immediately everything dimmed around her and she recalled the land of wights and shadows. But curiously enough, the Ring didn’t burn her as she anticipated. She could now also understand the hissing language of spiders thanks to it.

 

‘Nice catch we got today!’ One of the bigger ones hissed. ‘Yesss, tasty and juicy they are. Though those dwarves could be fatter. They probably didn’t feed themselves too well of late I guess.’ Another poked into the biggest bundle Bilbo identified as Bombur. ‘I can’t let those nasty creatures eat them. Let’s get down to business.’ Bilbo mumbled to herself with determination and armed herself with smaller rocks to throw. When she had enough, she threw one and hit the spider poking and prodding poor old Bombur square into its head. It fell off the branch senseless with limbs curled up. Spiders around were considerably confused and there was a deal of commotion when Bilbo managed to knock out more of them. But they soon realized from which way the rocks were coming and took after her.

That was that she was waiting for. On her light feet she started running, occasionally throwing more rocks on her pursuers. But it was not enough as most of them still remained in the colony. _‘Think, Bilbo, think!’_ She tried to come up with something. With a victorious smirk, a tune came on her mind and she promptly started mocking her targets. The words weren’t the best she would come up with if given more time, perhaps a bit too childish, but it would have to do. This is what she sang:

 

_Old fat spider spinning in a tree!_

_Old fat spider can't see me!_

_Attercop! Attercop!_

_Won't you stop,_

_Stop your spinning and look for me!_

_Old Tomnoddy, all big body,_

_Old Tomnoddy can't spy me!_

_Attercop! Attercop!_

_Down you drop!_

_You'll never catch me up your tree!_

 

Needless to say, the spiders were outraged by the silly tune and most of them jumped off their webs and branches in pursue of the railer who dared to offend them so. They were far quicker on their eight legs than Bilbo anticipated but she had indisputable advantage of being invisible and the spiders weren’t of the wittiest sort. ‘Where is it? Where is the impudent brat? We will find you and eat you!’ The spiders were shouting in rage, some of them running around trying to find her and some of them weaving webs around to trap Bilbo in. She made up another verses to her song to hackle them even more.

 

_Lazy Lob and crazy Cob_

_are weaving webs to wind me._

_I am far more sweet than other meat,_

_but still they cannot find me!_

_Here am I, naughty little fly;_

_you are fat and lazy._

_You cannot trap me, though you try,_

_in your cobwebs crazy._

 

The spiders were now downright furious as they took after her voice. Luckily her blade came through the webs without any effort and she ran as fast as she could, followed by hairy legs waving and nippers and spinners snapping as far into the forest as she dared. Quietly as a mouse Bilbo made back when she concluded that her pursuers are far enough and distracted so she could return to the nest and free her friends in time. Back in the nest – luckily Bilbo remembered the way back and found it fairly quickly – there was only one old spider left behind to watch over the prey.

Bilbo climbed up the tree and coming from behind she stabbed the creature with her little blade. ‘It stings, it stings!’ The fat old spider hissed before it fell off the branch dead. ‘That’s a cool name actually. Sting. Thanks!’ She shouted down and put the ring off her finger and into the pocket. By that time the spider venom must have wear off as the dwarves started wiggling and struggling in their cocoons. Bilbo identified the closest one as Fíli and helped the poor lad out of it. Together they managed to free all twelve remaining dwarves.

‘Bilbo! You’re alive! We were afraid they got you as well! You saved us, thank you!’ The dwarves were shouting over one another. Bilbo had a quick laugh at their still wobbly limbs shaking comically. ‘No time to waste, those spiders will return very soon. We need to run!’ She hushed them eventually and true to her words, they could hear rustling of dozens of long hairy legs. ‘There you are, little nasty heckler! Now we see you! We will eat you and hang your skin and bones down the branch as a trophy!’ The spiders were shouting but of course without the Ring Bilbo didn’t understand any of their hissing.

 

‘To arms, quick! Prepare to fight!’ Thorin bellowed and though still dizzy due to the spider bites the dwarves managed to fight the spiders quite well. They were pursued through the forest once more and somehow the spiders managed to circle them. ‘Do not give up! Fight!’ Thorin encouraged, answered by fierce battle cries of his companions. As if out of nowhere, an arrow flew through the head of a spider Fíli was fighting and the lad yelped in surprise. A rain of arrows followed and the spiders were lying around them slain in a blink of an eye. The last one threatening Kíli was slain by an auburn haired she-elf and more of her kin skilfully jumped off the branches and onto the ground in front of them.

‘What do we have here? A bunch of dwarves skulking around our kingdom? What business did you have with the spiders?’ A blonde elf male stepped forward and addressed them. Before Bilbo thought it through, she slipped the Ring back on. She didn’t like this at all. ‘We’ve lost the path and got captured. We were just fighting our way back to freedom.’ Thorin spat back with distaste. ‘Freedom? I wouldn’t be so sure of it. As trespassers I’m obliged to capture you and bring you to my king. Bind them!’ The blonde commanded and though protesting and fighting wildly, the dwarves were soon tied and led away. _‘Less wise and more dangerous indeed.’_ Bilbo frowned to herself and followed the group silently into Woodland realm, wondering what would happen to them this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Khuzdul glossary:  
> Bunmelê - my beauty of all beauty  
> Gayadê - my joy
> 
> Oh my, I so hate spiders. It took me considerable amount of time to put the scene together. I got largely inspired by book here, the songs Bilbo sings to the spiders are originally from the book as well, in case you didn't read it. 
> 
> We just hit six thousand hits! I'm literally in awe, I didn't anticipate at all so many people would read this! Thank you all so much for the attention you pay my story. <3 As I counted the remaining chapters I have planned, we should be somewhere in the middle of the story now so it will probably be a wild ride yet. So stay with me for it!
> 
> My [tumblr](https://malazuzu22.tumblr.com/)


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